sheela

Hi Crystal, I know things seem to be dark at the moment. But you have to believe that things are happening to you for a reason. Believe me I have felt the way you have, I also don't have a job, and just got a diorce and literally have been going through alot of depression. I am batteling it though, because I only have myself at the moment. And if I loose myself then I have nothing, and it is not worth it. You have to take little steps. Go out try a get any job, do you have an education? If not apply for pell grants and financial aid and get your degree in whatever you want. You will see so many possibilities open when you go to school. If you cant salvage your home then try looking for some kind of shelter now! Church, Mosques, social services or whatever. There is help somewhere you just have to look and take baby steps. Hopefully you will see the light at the end of the tunnel as we all hope to as well. You are not alone!

I feel so dysfunctional...It has been 2 month and 12 days since we separated...I cried everyday for 2 months/60days...these past 12 days seem good aliitle better, since I ahvent cried..I live near the ocean, so that helps alot...however, I feel very dysfuctional..like I cant get out of the house and do anything! I sleep late, eat, and am on the computer allll the time. I used to have such a great job..but I left it to be with my EX...I pretty much let go of everything. ..a job,friends,my self!!! I know he has moved on as he sent me an e-mail telling me how awful I was in the realationship , he is probably traveling aroung everywhere and is forgetting about me ...its easier for him since he is 45 set in his ways and I am 33... I have posted in relationship conflicts about it...I just cant seem to move on, move forward, its getting a tad bit better because i stopped the crying..I wish there was some magical way to heallll!!! How does one heal when they live in a town where they know no one, have no friends, and no job, basically Life!!!! Help...any advice would be appreciated!!!

Hi I know but I am seriously thinking about taking a job position over there!!! I really like the culture, people and food. I will not try to get back with my ex...only do what I like to do..I have taught in Thailand before, and I LOVE IT, besides what has previously happened to me...should I go for it??

Yes thank Andy, I am one of those new people that needed to hear that

One question...I know this is a tough one...but yes pr your right pattaya is farfetched..i got my teaching certicficate for ESL in Thailand...and I got offered a jobs there...one far from pattaya ...it would be near phuket near the islands...it is really tempting to take..this job position, it starts in April...i do like the thai culture...not neccessarily what goes on in pattaya, patong or seedy places...this town is a true thai town..but its the culture,....so the question is ..do i take this job position(doesn't pay much) but very rewarding...or for healing purposes, should I stick it out in the states and get my life back together here...mind you if i do take this position i will not try to get my ex back..i would be so busy to think of that and i know it is not in my best interest to even think of that...so do i take the job and move there (alone) or shoud i find my way here???

Yes I really do not know what I was thinking. I thought that I knew this person until I saw him and his lifestyle. I am beggining to think the break up is a blessing in disguise. I am slowly coming out of this, and I know that it takes time. Friscodj, yea I know change of emotions, and thats what I am going thru...its up and down...but I am beggining to see the light and the picture...I am going to start to get up on my feet slowly again starting right now! Thank you so much for the much needed advice it really helped!!

Thank guys for the advice, as sad as it may seem yeah this relationship is a mess, drama, oscar waiting to be made fantasy crazy movie, thats life...and the crazy part is i thought we were real cool just being friends...i just have to cut my losses and get some theraphy and yes try and develop back my morals to be the woman i used to be before all this mess!!! thanks for the advice!

Thanks Peterrabbit , your right I did try to forgive him and lived with him for 5 months, he actually lives in pattaya...but things for me at least were not right so I left to the U.S. and he followed to get me back, things went array and now he is going back home to pattaya where he lives. i love him for telling me yes, after i badgered it out of him...but this is the question..he came here to win me back and my family did not allow him in thanksgiving...so he was torn...since then he cut contact with me..2 months...my question is should I a female go alone to pattaya and win him back??? I am sooo confused!! because i will if it will prove to him that i also made mistakes and will truly forgive him this time.

This is a letter my ex wrote to my sister, it will give you a little insight on the realtionship....So this is his side of the story..and my side is after his side...because there is always 2 sides to the story....do you think it is worth it to try to get him back??? does he even care?? my heart wants him back!!!! Am I stupid??? Please take time to read and help!!!!! Sorry so long, my heart wants him back!!! Rona keeps bringing up 4 strippers and me taking her to a whorehouse in Asia. As I mentioned to you briefly in your apt before Rona showed up, I was with 4 strippers between Sept 05 and Dec 05 after Rona had left Asia. At that point, Rona and I were not married (Aug/Sept 05) and our relationship was still platonic. Rona had been to Asia and we had a legal marriage lined up (through the american embassy) with a Asian attorney for the next day or two whom was going to walk us through the whole process for $300.00. Rona backed out. I had previously told Rona that I loved her and that we should get married a few months earlier in S. America. We tried to get married in Lima, but we could not because we needed birth certificates in addition to our passports. Of course this was my fault. I told her I was in love with her in California. I fell in love with her way before I ever moved away from California as a matter of fact. Actually, the only thing keeping me in California at that time was her. Prior to Sept 05, in DC Rona had told me she had been with several different men, i.e., 12, 23, etc. She said she was joking at the time. I do not recall her telling me that it was a joke at the time. My reasoning for my behavior between Sept 05 and Dec 05 was because of what she told me, we had never slept together, we were not married, and kind of a bachelor party thing. I believe my reasoning is weak and pathetic. I atoned for my behavior by juice fasting for 2 wks and getting on a plane to California from Asia. A week later getting back on a plane from the States to Asia and Juice fasting for 3 weeks. As I have mentioned to Rona more than once, I cannot change the past. asked for her forgiveness I did not take Rona to a whorehouse! I took her to a hotel in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. This is where I took her: There are infamous places in Phnom Penh such as The Heart of Darkness, The Martini bar, The walkabout, S21, The Killing Fields etc. I wanted to check the place out like have a beer, get something to eat if even that. When we finally went there with Andy, we were arguing as usual and thereforeeee tensions were high. When Andy made a rude comment, I didn't care. 2-3 women came running over to greet him. Andy said something like: "Look, he doesn't even care about you." This was said as Rona was starting to yell and I was walking away from her toward a wall to look at the postings because I was tired of her Mod edit>. We were in the place for a total of about 2-4 mins. Outside of the place is where Rona busted open my eyebrow with her wedding ring and kept yelling: "He cheated on me" over and over again. I would show you the pictures, but Rona deleted them along with many other pics that Rona deemed inappropriate. I didn't want to go to the place by myself or with my (our) friend Andy, I wanted to check it out with my best friend, lover, soulmate, confidant. If I wanted to take Rona to a whorehouse, I would have taken her to the state of Nevada or to any city in the country of Germany and more than likely most countries in the world. This is the last time I will ever address this embarrassingly, petty issue.............This is really getting old!!!!!! and this is MY SIDE: I am not sure whose fault the ending of this relationship is? I have known my ex for 5 years ..the first 4 years we were only friends..I wanted it that way..I was to busy in college and couldnt handle any realtionships at the time pluse he was getting over a divorce that took place 4 years ago...he pursued me always in those 4 years...but i always wanted to remain friends..it is this year that we had a coming together..and he said i finally came around, and i did wholeheartedly...i loved this man..i live here in the sates and he was living overseas at this time..well he asked me to marry him..i accepted and we finally got engaged..as he were continuing this long distance engagement, Iwas becoming suspicious of his communication to me...so I decided to e-mail his sister in law, a woman that cant stand him, an e-mail explaning to her that I have suspicions about my fiancee and cant trust him and need to send some of his papers to her...he got pissed that i sent this e-mail, i badgered him if he was seeing or talking to anyone at this time...he sadi to me yes he was with 4 strippers..i hung up on him and didnt want anything to do with him...he flys to see me the next day ...he is at the lobby of my apartment begging for forgiveness and asks to see counselors...i accepted..then spent the next 5 months with him...but i never forgave him...i pushed him far away..his excuse was he wasnt sure if i ever was going to really move overseas with him , and didnt know for sure, even though we made plans and got engaged..so why am i hurting for a person like this???? he tried to make things right and has bought me tickets all around the world and has tried to tell me he will let me live a great lifestyle to just forgive him...he also has a friend (woman) that is married , they e-mail each other once in awhile..but her e-mails are always long and elaborate...she is married mind you..i asked him to stop,,but he refused saying i wanted to control who he spoke with..i dont know what to do!!!!!! i am not sure whose fault this is, is it my fault because i ignored the fact that he wanted to be close with me years ago?? should i forgive him?? and why doesnt he want to give up this girl?? Here is the thing, I did try to forgive him and lived with him for 5 months, but it was so hard and came back to the states. HE comes to the sates again tot try to win me back during the holidays and made things worse...he turns everything around and tell everyone that I am an emotional ruins...so he looks innocent...I really dont know what to do ...I should of never tried to live with him and now the pain hurts so much....what to do? And the worst part is i call his ex girl friends and hang up on them!!! I ownder if they know who it is...I have been reduced to a child Now he came to starighten things out with me even when i was mean, yelling, throwing thins just went ballistic...but he still tried so hard to make things right and i didnt let him i was too hurt...hes gone now and i have not heard from him in 2 months...its over but i am still hurting i shouldnt be but i am ...