badja

My ex too is very indecisive and would always rely on me to make choices for her and us... I've ignored her contact today and although this past week has been horrible most of the time, I think I am slowly beginning to realise what a selfish disrespectful person she is. Annalise, I don't know how I feel bout her effort to not let go and to fix her issues!I guess I'm very hesitant to let her near me at the moment because I am pretty sure she says she is putting a lot of effort into herself but is actually doing nothing substantial about it. Unfortunately she is not a strong willed person and is not very sure of herself so she too ends up continually making the wrong decisions in life..... With your bf sending gifts and telling you he wants you back,I think it would be best to keep a clear mind and don't let his words and gifts overshadow whats happened...take some time before you make any decisions.

I'm sitting here absolutely shocked at how many girls are exactly like my ex. I broke up with my gf on Monday so its almost a week and we have had a bit of contact. She is so similar to the girls being described in this thread!!!! I caught her flirting with 2 guys over text messaging of which one was an ex. She stopped talking to the ex and I forgave her and moved on and then this past weekend she had been flirting with some random! She has not stopped contacting me since I broke up with her and the majority of the times I just ignore her, and have made the decision today to not speak to her until I feel ready to... She messages me about how she is working on her issues and is not gonna lose me forever and how she is gonna make things right,etc... Its ridiculous how she behaves,really selfish I think! She had me and messed around and now I'm not there and she tells me how she needs me in her life! Madness!!!!

This is the first time we have broken up and she hasn't stopped smsing me since, telling me she is not gonna lose me and is working on her issues,etc....for now I am keeping minimum contact with her so that I can heal and start moving on and clearing my mind. I feel I need to talk to her and explain everything I think and feel but I'm gonna give it another week or more before I ask to meet and talk. It's a weird situation because I am madly in love with her and we are a great couple but she just does strange things and I think it's because she is not really content with who she is. I guess in all honestly I want to work it out but before I make any decisions I'm gonna take as much time as I need to clear my mind and hopefully she will use the time wisely to sort her issues out... No prob bout the chat, it helps to just talk bout this stuff here! If you were breaking up so often then maybe it is best you got out of the relationship now?

I'm presuming you dated your bf for a lot longer than my relationship. i was with my gf for 5 months so not long but we were both very attracted to each other for about a year before we got together. The first time when she spoke to her ex(she actually spoke to him bout maybe getting back together while we were involved!!) I confronted her and suggested it best that she not talk to him anymore if she wants to be with me because he would not stop trying to get back together and he honestly caused so many issues in our relationship. I forgave her for that and she did end things with him and stopped contact but who knows if she did contact behind my back, I really wouldn't be surprised. Then last wk end she had been speaking to some friend of her cousins(a guy who I think she has been with before) and he was messaging her kisses and what not...and during last week she had been to watch her cousin play hockey so I suspect she saw this guy there. On the day she went to the hockey she ignored me entirely which was really not right. She is also very flirty when we go out to clubs and stuff but at the same time is always questioning whether im faithful,etc. THATS THE GUILT HEY! On the whole she is a very confusing girl,her actions show no respect toward me and my feelings. How long were you with your bf? Please smile k coz you gonna be alright once your emotions settle a bit

Yeah its very tough and like you had communication issues my girlfriend and I did too. She had very little respect for me and proved it by speaking to these arb guys. It makes me sick to even think of it and I struggle to understand how someone thats so in love and happy still feels the need to do stupid things like she did. After all the bad things she has done and over the past few days of thinking bout things I've kinda come to the realisation that she is not mature enough to commit on the level I am and some part of me believes she is living a lie in the things she does... It's scary because sometimes I feel I don't even know who she really is!!! And this is the girl I love with all my heart Annelise search for a thread by a guy named caveat and the post is titled "break vs. break-up" or something along those lines. Its a very long thread to read through but it will help you during this tough time....

My situation is very similar to yours annalise23... I broke up with my gf on monday night after finding out on a couple occasions that she was speaking(and flirting) with guys of which one was her ex! I had forgiven her before but over the weekend it hit me that I can't keep sitting around waiting for her to commit to me totally. She won't stop contacting me everday and says that she will not lose me and can't imagine her life without me in it. It's crazy but thats life, she never realised she had a good thing right in front of her and now she must take responsibility for her actions... I'm in a funny place though because I want to forgive her in time and get back together but my mind says I should just move on! Don't know how I'm gonna handle this situation but distancing myself for a while will give me perspective on how to handle getting back together or just moving on. Keep strong, its a rough time being away from the one you are so used to being with all the time

Thanks so much for the replies everyone. Well last night I was gonna break up with her and tell her to give me a call when she is ready to be with me fully but I gave myself the entire day to think bout whether it was the best thing to do and before the end of the day she messaged me saying her ex and her spoke and he has told her he will not contact anymore and leave her to be happy. As much as I was happy to hear that I just hope he doesn't contact in the future and I think I'm gonna tell my gf to let me know if he does... But hopefully things will work out for us Thanks again for all the advice given, was really struggling last week!

Ok I'm sorry this is still going but I don't know what to do. My girlfriend and I are a bit better now and things seem to be looking good but she still hasn't sorted her ex out and whenever I bring it up she just changes the subject. How do I get a response out of her or at best get her to end it with the ex?? I can't see how she can't just end it. If she honestly loves me like she says she does then why is her situation so hard to sort out?

I honestly don't know what she has said to him but she has told me that she is getting there to sorting it out once and for all,he is just pleading and not letting up I guess. If it carries on for much longer I think it is the best idea to change numbers,etc. so no contact happens and if he manages well then a restraining order or something. Its just hard on our relationship at the moment coz it bothers both of us and creates more problems between us....

Ok some more help please people?? My girlfriend and I had a long chat and we gonna take things slow. She says she has tried to tell the ex that she doesn't want to hear from him but he is pleading for her to try and they just throwing words at each other but the bugger wont let up.She says she is over him and just wants to be with me. How in the world do we get this ex to get over it and move on coz its really driving me nuts???? Anyone please:sad: :sad:

No problem Yup I'm aware of that and I still don't understand why its taking her so long to rid of him. I'm giving serious thought to breaking up with her now.... I feel she is being very unfair going on for so long and while I don't have a clue what he is saying I just don't see why she is still sorting it out. Gonna be hard to end it but like you say, I must take care of my heart. Thanks...will let you know what I do.

Hi, ellie Thanks so much for the helpful words but you may have misunderstood me a bit. She says that she does want to be with me and not with him, my only concern in this is that I don't understand why she is taking so long to sort it out??Him fighting with her makes it a longer thing to sort out but surely she could tell him straight up that its over and he must not contact her anymore?? Right now we are speaking but I've decided not to contact her, if she contacts me which she will do everday I will just reply to keep things civil. As to how loving my messages will be, I think it best to keep them relaxed and not give her all my attention. i agree with focussing on myself at this point and really looking after my needs but I don't want to just move on. I already have moved on a bit and it feels strange now to think she is wanting to take things slowly. Feels as though I'm starting a relationship with someone new, that describes the extent of my confusion Thanks again

Ok just an update with my situation as it stands now. My girlfriend eventually came to the realisation that she doesn't want a break, she just needs some space and for us to take things a bit slowly. I totally agree with this and understand but one thing bothers me. I asked her today if she had sorted stuff out with her ex and she said she is still busy sorting it out but he is fighting with her. I'm confused as to why this could take so long, telling your ex not to contact anymore and that she is moving on with her life. I can imagine this idiot is still trying his luck at getting her back but what should I do in this situation? I was thinking maybe I tell her to call me when she is ready to be with me and if during that time I meet someone else then it was never meant to be. I don't know if thats a bit harsh. I've never been in this situation so I'm probably way off as to how to act but I kinda don't understand why it could take so long to tell the guy to get lost and end it! Help!!!](*,) :sad:

thanks for the reply Cosmo Thing is I spoke to a couple friends and we all came to the conclusion that she just needs some space, not a "break" coz she is constantly trying to speak to me. Yesterday was the first day in bout 5 months that I didn't speak to her. There is this online chat program that we hav on our cellphones and she was always leaving messages there so I changed phones yesterday to one that can't go onto the chat program. I havn't checked yet, but I am certain there will be a hoard of messages there because last night she texted me 4 times saying how she refuses to lose me,her love for me hasn't changed,looks forward to our future together,etc... And she is asking for me to reply and not ignore her but speaking to her daily is not a break coz nothing really has changed. I don't know if i should not contact or reply?? I agree with you in that I should start moving on and not leave myself so vulnerable to a break-up after this stupid break. Thing is I want to be with her and all these messages kinda tell me she still wants to be with me. I dunno,its a very confusing situation! I guess maybe I should reply when I feel I should? She also got her results from her college today and texted me telling me about them. Kinda feel I should reply to that to say congrats, just to keep the peace and stuff?

thanks for the replies...good to have people to talk to bout this! To be honest we started seeing each other soon after she broke up with her ex of bout 2 and a half years. She said there was no threat there so I trusted her but then in the beginning of December(after being with each other just over 2 months) I saw msgs to her ex on her phone about her maybe getting back together with him in the new year. I eventually got the courage to confront her bout it and she said she needed to think and she went away the following day so she had that time and I gave it to her, as much as it hurt. i then saw her about 3 days later and we spoke and she said it was a mistake and she said she would contact him and end it once and for all. Which she told me she did about a week ago and she said he never replied to her msg. I havn't asked bout it since then but feel as though I should so I know that its not that thats caused this break. Is that something I should ask her,especially in this time of uncertainty?? I really do believe that she loves me and wants to be with me and I've asked her "is she sure this isn't a soft way of breaking up with me?" about 3 times since she started the break and each time she has said that she does not want to lose or be without me. And in her texts she says that constanly, she wants me and loves me and misses me....etc. She has also said a couple times that she is sorry to do this but that we will be better off in the long run when we back together and that the break is good for both of us.

Some help from anyone would be great with my situation....thanks in advance too. My girlfriend of 3 and a half months told me yesterday (13 Jan) that she wants us to go on a break. I was totally shocked and although we had been arguing a lot recently, the arguments were always to do with slly little frustrations...nothing really hectic. I offered her other options but she seemed set on a break, so I told her to let me know by the end of the day how long she needed. At the end of the day she told me she needed a month. She hasnt exactly explained her reasoning for this except that she says she needs time sort her own issues out and to find her core being!! So as much as I always have told myself never to go on a break but to rather end it, I love this girl too much to just let go so I said I would give her the time. Naturally I thought we would not talk too often or at all and I said she would not hear much from me during this time. But over the past two days of this "break" she still texts me saying she loves me so so so much and wants to be in my future, and continues to sms throughout the day saying how much she misses me and is thinking of me and loves me forever and that it would be nice if I didnt ignore her but replied. I'm so confused because I said we should sort the issues out together and maybe slow things down a bit, seeing each other a little less often so there is that space still. She said no to that but still wants to speak often daily!!! So how is this a break?? All its doing is making it way harder for me coz throughout the day I get reminders from the girl I love but can't be with?! Sorry this is so long, but I'm majorly confused at the moment. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks