Jeffrey2095

Well, then maybe you should send her a heart to heart, and just risk it.

It might be a good excersise simply to draft what you would say in writing, you know, get everything pat in your mind... it sounds very important to you FA.

NC is hard, hey maybe not the only answer.

Jeff

Hello FA18,

I don't know.

You seemed to be doing fine with NC.

Now, you just want to "talk" to her, touch base, say how ya doin"?

Sounds to me like you're either setting yourself up for potential heartache... back to square one... or idunno' trying to "prove" to yourself you are really over her maybe?

Maybe you feel guilty or responsible for the break-up?

Jeff

In my own case it was almost a "mutual" dumping...

She cheated on me (thats me being dumped maybe)

Then, she came back as a friend. (Okay, friends are good and I forgive you.)

She wanted to get back since her new guy treated her like (doo-doo)

I... wouldn't take her back... (so, I dumped her...)

We could be friends but that's it, from my camp.

And... I haven't spoken to her since Aug 06.

There's my bit.

Jeffr

Hi,

It would seem a provacative move on his part... (Dutch courage)

But, I think you did absolutely the right thing guy.

Best wishes and welcome

Jeff

Seems like a pretty short time... since last weekend.

It was said while drunk, and I would think that she would forgive you eventually... not too much longer.

I wouldn't think of total NC necessarily just yet.

Maybe, in the sense of giving her a little more time to heal.

Hope this comes out alright... three years is a long time to toss because of one unfortunate evening.

V-day... maybe a very nice card, modest box of candy and a beautiful heart to heart message in the card, asking at the end if she might forgive you and call you...

But, in the meantime (what 2 days) I wouldn't call her everyday etc.

P. S. I think Eva has some good advice for this also.

Good luck

Jeff

Nice story Mav... (eek)

Things like eye contact and body language can be so difficult to "read" sometimes.

Now, a scowl might be easier to take meaning from.

If it's from accross the room... could just be coincedence...

Move a little closer... change the side of the room your on.

Do they persist?

Jeff

Sure, might have wondered...

But, after time I realized that separation is for a reason... maybe a darn good one.

After a month or more, I was glad to be rid of them... then, I could move on.

(Uh gee, you did mean me Anggrace?) eek

Maybe not so much didn't wonder, as much as didn't care.

Jeff

I would guess and hope that the number was kind of low.

Do we really want to hear from a "dumper"?

Jeff

Hi Sammyhagar,

I read your previous posts...

It doesn't seem like there is much hope unfortunately.

Especially since she has a bf now.

Personall opinion... this is the one that got away.

Good luck and best wishes

Jeff

Sounds like the hard part is over...

Nowadays... it doesn't seem there is as much "formality"

I'd just ask her directly...

Good luck

Jeff

Just let it ring....

You don't want to break 40 days... well technically it is broken.

But, I'd just let it ring... too much potential for past pain etc. to come about.

If not... short and to the point.

Maybe she could leave them for a friend to pick up...

Jeff

I had em when I was 13.

Yeah... once you are done having em tweaked they are as good as ever.

They'll adjust em... you hurt, you feel better... they adjust em again.

Overall it was worth it though.

Owwwww!

note: They now have those clear plastic ones you wear at night.

Jeff

I think I would give it one more try...

Now, if it persists... no matter who's "fault"...

I would find another situation

Good luck

Jeff

Hi Mikey,

And, I did read your previous post.

I just don't have any profound thoughts other than just crashing in headlong and trying to make conversation.

Maybe at a church function.

Maybe one of her's or your friends could be a sort of liason...

Maybe an assistant pastor could help.

Church is for worship, but also for fellowship.

Good luck buddy.

Jeff

Murder and suicide seem to be universally unacceptable...

Having said that though... in case of humanitarian reasons, I could see it as an option.

Only, under those circumstances.

Jeffrey2095

Aren't you going to worry about her anyway...

Maybe she feels that it is just not the right time to make these kinds of plans etc...

True love can always weather a years time.

At least keep the friendship that you have, and see if you can resume when she gets back.

Jeff

Hello Tricia

It sounds to me like you might just consider moving on...

No sense in being miserable.

Personally... I would give him his "space"...

Maybe someone else will appreiciate you.

Good luck and best wishes.

Jeff

Hello Coniston,

I am assuming of course that this is maybe typicl or happens frequently...

Yeah, it seems like they could express some appreiciation for your efforts, something that seems all to common today being overlooked or under appreiciated.

I get that too.

Well, just don't let it make you bitter, or stop being a caring person... that would be a tragedy.

Try and keep the high points in mind if you can.

Jeff

Hello Teardrops,

I'm sorry to hear about the things that unthinking, uncaring people have done to you in the past. It is hard to let go sometimes...

I myself had some similar circumstances and have also been haunted by what others have said and done to me.

Actually though, it sounds as though you have at least recognized them for what they are... people who get self esteem or just pleasure from tearing down someone else.

I think what has helped me almost eliminate those bad memories is keeping myself busy...

The bad stuff will slowly fade into your subconscious where it belongs.

I almost never dwell on those memories where before it would haunt my every waking moment.

Pour your self into a new hobby, or just keep hanging out here... it is good therapy.

Good luck and best wishes

Jeff

You know, it really sounds as tough your friend has something on her mind too.

Like a heavy burden, you know.

I have a friend that, well I cried on his shoulder once, (Well we're in our forties...eek. And, I guess it just shocked him maybe, he had more shock than empathy it seemed...

15 years is a substantial friendship, and you are right in wanting to preserve it, that is great of you Mar123.

Maybe... you could just set her down, you guys have alot of history you know, so it's easy for two friends to sit down and chat...

And just ask her what's buggin' her...

It's got to be something for such negative reactions from her.

The shock of hearing about your cancer might be in there too.

Good luck with this, and best wishes for the future Mar.

Jeffrey

That's okay

Ya' know, there seems to be so much going on here that it is a little hard to keep track...

I notice that alot of the words you have written in your post have quotation marks, I would take most of them to mean "supposedly" or "in other words" etc...

So, to me it seems that you are suspisious of some of these things... well, it does sound a little spooky...

You know, he might really be busy with this job... maybe the girls waveing at him was just circumstance.

Personally... I would maybe try some, A little more direct discussion with him ie: Hey, is somethin' goin on?

Gosh, that's the best advice I can think of. Try to communicate a little deeper.

Good luck and best wishes.

Jeffrey

I am so sorry to hear about your father and the troubles you are having NSY

My father passed away when I was 22... Really, I have not gotten over it... I have just learned to live with it somehow.

Your boyfriend, unfortunately seems to be distancing himself from you, sorry.

Why don't you stay right here at ENA, and I bet you will find a great deal of comfort and advice and friends. There are so many folks here who can offer support.

And, a great place just to talk sometimes.

Gee, I'm just a baby here really, but I feel for you, and it sounds like your boyfriend is not going to provide any support... sorry.

Hang out here, because there are always people to talk to that really care about you and your life...OK.

Stay in touch and best wishes.

Jeff

Hello Misslissa,

You know what... you are absolutly right... 100%

Just beacause your friend has been with some guys, hey... he should accept her for the person she is, ya' know

They thought she was great until then.

This guy... I don't know what to say... he's... just a jerk! Total.

Your friend certainly deserves better than to be abused and it sounds, harrased by this guy or his commrades.

Good thing she has you to stick by her in this time.

You got A-100

Jeff

This jerk needs to learn a lesson.

Tell him to go play with himself... on the freeway.

Jeff

Hi again Goblin,

I would agree with Carnelianbutterfly in that you should never feel that your sensitivity is a detrement... (Also, Caterina and Darkpumpkin too, good advice all around. )

I'm a veteran aswell, and I think bootcamp might have instilled a little "sensitivity" somehow eh? lol (btw, check out the "Boot camp blues" thread in Off-topic by 4anOnymOus. We could have a bit of fun over there.)

If I were a sensitive chap like you... (I am)... I guess I couldn't help being a little umm..."insensed". (Just a little.)

Maybe a nice earnest heart to heart with her could clear this whole thing up for you both.

Good luck buddy, nice to meet another vet. And, I think things can be worked out for you guys.

Jeff