Jeffrey2095

I think it would be a bad idea to give him the slightest inkling of any plan you might have of leaving, (or take that chance). Look what happened when you mentioned it the last time.

Also, I wouldn't go stay with family at first because that is the first place he will look. Tell them about it, I'm sure they will help you financially and spiritually.

These type of people, (and I know one firsthand) will stop at nothing to find you, he needs his victim.

There are many organizations you can turn to for support. Churches, your family of course, battered women's organizations, the Red Cross maybe, even the police departments have slush funds for just such things. (Hey, the one where I live will help pay electric bills.)

Don't stay in the same town or anywhere he can find you. He needs time to let it sink in and cool off, if that's possible. (You can visit ENA from the library. Where there's a will there's a way.)

Plan it out. I'm not saying run off before you are ready, but many of these things can be better rationalized away from him without the pressure.

He digs into your cell phone, will you have time to make all the necessary arraingments at home?

If you stay, and he leaves, (which I seriously doubt he would) he will know just where to find you.

Call him on the cell phone later. Tell him you are okay, (now). Be short and direct. (Maybe ask him what HE would do to a man that beat HIS wife...) Don't let him whine you back into it. (cause that's what they do.)

Personally, I think it is way beyond hope of repair, but he will try and convince you to give him just one... more... chance.

I bet your work will understand and will give you a leave of absense.

Also... keep us posted when you get a chance, we are all in suspense and really are concerned for you.

And remember... we love you and you are Not Alone here!

Dear ninaa1,

It sounds like a very conveinient arraingment... for him.

It's too bad he expects you to adhere to something he is not willing to (ie: not seeing others of the opposite sex.)

Personally, I wouldn't go for something like that. Female "friends" are one thing, and the ones at his work, but dating... It doesn't sound like a good way to carry on a relationship.

I wonder what the other girls boyfriends think.

Good luck

Hello samross,

Well buddy, at least you had the guts to show up and didn't fall apart.

Maybe she thinks it would be a little awkward, or it is too soon to have a "normal" band relationship. (Uh, whatever that is.)

I have a problem with ruminating also.

You know what I do, I sit here rereading some of my better postings and it really works. (And gives me a good feeling to replace the bad ones. Try it.

Good luck with your group

Hello piegirl,

I once went to three interviews at the Hoover vacuume company.

On the second interview, they actually had me repair a high-tech vacuume just to prove I could do it. I did very well. (I used to repair a 35 million dollar flight simulator, so...)

They didn't hire me because I didn't have any experience running a cash register. With ten minutes of training I'm sure I could have done that too.

This may be some process to see if you have patience and persistence.

If you wonder if they are legit, maybe you could look them up on consumer web-sites.

Good luck with the interview

Dear littlebylittle,

If those were the signals from before, and it resulted in you getting back together, then maybe she is trying again.

Personally, it doesn't sound like she is neccessarily trying to make another go of it, just wanting to be friends, but you would know best.

The important thing is how you feel about it. If you don't want to get back, then there's nothing to worry about that way.

It must be most awkward having your ex so close on a daily basis. I hope you can just be friends and it doesn't morph into a stormy friendship, or you become enemies.

I would just do what you are doing. If you see it getting back the way it was, then just remain aloof.

Good luck

Hello rugby7,

Yes, it does sound like she has a thing for you.

Maybe her ignoring you is her playing hard to get, or just trying different things to get you to show the same kind of interest in her.

Now... do you really like her?

Also I like the suggestion made by Boughs. It would only be a simple date, and you could find out a little more about what's going on in her mind, and possibly make a decision on where you want to go from there.

If you don't want her, it might be an opportunity to nip it in the bud, before someone would really get hurt.

Good luck

Hello confused 84,

Two things: First, you sound like you are trying to change him. It probably won't work, and would put too much pressure on your relationship. Do those changes you expect seem more important than the things that attract you to him?

Next, it sounds like he is not going to changre his ways, and must hide his indiscretions from you, that is most unhealthy.

My feeling is that you should move on, (I know it's hard) and find someone who is really more like what you want.

Good luck

Hello anonym,

Gee,this is a tough one.

I think that honesty would be your best policy, even though it probably will hurt her.

I don't think she needs to know about your little fling, so I would spare those details.

Perhaps you should tell her you are afraid of the commitment. It is pretty common and would sound like something plausible.

This is part of the game of love.

Now, you could make up something that would spare her, you'll have to decide. (And be careful.)

Good luck

Hello JessicaLOVE,

Somehow I get the impression that this guy is trying to get even with you.

That, or he might have some manic/depression issues.

I would NC him for good. You don't really need head games, right.

What a dope, (he is) you could do a whole lot better for yourself.

Good luck

Hello jian,

I do the same thing. We are blessed with 20/20 hindsight eh?

Are you maybe afraid of rejection, and maybe that's why your mind freezes?

I don't think there is anything wrong with trying to look her up and maybe inventing some subtrifuge to converse and get near her.

Now you have some time to formulate a good plan.

Maybe someday you will tell her about this and you will both laugh while you bounce your firstborn on your knee.

Go for it man, and keep us posted.

Good luck

Hello shygirl79,

It kind of sounds like you have made up your mind to get something going and maybe want affirmation: go for it.

Just start out slow, and let things take their natural course.

If things work out you will see plenty of his concerts, right?

You must feel like a "dork" for some reason, maybe for all the right reasons.

Personally, it sounds like it would be worth giving it a shot.

Good luck

Hello kekep,

Well, I think you should definitly give it a whirl, what do you have to lose?

You said he was "fine", don't let the age difference get in the way, besides your only gonna date, right.

You might be pleasantly surprised.

Good luck

Hello alivejp,

I wonder if your financial troubles, (and maybe his sperm count) have something to do with his drug use.

It sounds like things are on a slippery slope, and you have made up your mind to separate.

Maybe that is a keyword: "separate".

Do you think that maybe some time in a separation would help or hinder your relationship?

The girlfriend situation seems to be the worst of it to me, I'm sure it is difficult for you and I sympathize. It would be hard to help and support him when he is away with her.

My gut instinct is for you to lay down the law and separate until there are some profound changes on his part, maybe in lewe of impending divorce... sorry.

Good luck and best wishes.

Hello deejay74,

It sounds like your ex might be uncomfortable revisiting your former relationship. Hence the short answers to your inquiries, maybe it is too painful for her to analyze why it didn't work with you.

Also, maybe she is worried about what her new boyfriend would think about her staying in touch with you.

That's all I can guess guy.

Good luck

Hello ktregif,

Well, it sounds like she kind of hinted with the dream revelation that she has interest in you.

If she didn't, and just had the dream, would she tell you about it?

I guess you will have to decide if you want to take the chance and tell her about your feelings.

It might be a risk worth taking.

Good luck.

Hello babetears,

Why is it that you will never be together? If he likes you, and you like him??

It sounds like a friendship would be too painful for you, so I would try and more or less distance myself, (in a nice way) and try and move on.

Good luck

restraining orders sound good on paper, and by all means get one after you are away. All too often, the jerk isn't going to pay any attention to it, and do you really want to take the chance?

Get community support, in another community.

First priority: get away! Then you will have time to think.

I would leave right now, and not worry about the house. (It's not going anywhere.)

Hello lonelygirl1215,

This guy, (jerk) sounds like the a-typical abuser and I would start packing immeadiatly!

People like that need someone to be the vessel of their abuse, that's why he "loves you", aren't you sick of it?

Get out now! Hit the greyhound and warn your friend if you decide to, he might try and take it out on her.

He is probably jealous of your friendships because they might talk some sense into you.

He sounds like he needs some jail time. (After you are far, far away.) Maybe the police can supervise your departure, if you can't get away before he becomes aware. Take those poor kids with you, because they might be next.

Of course, he will try and "talk" you out of it, don't you believe it!

Hopefully you can be gone before then.

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Good luck.

Hello trying 2 smile,

It is a strange mixture of statements and mixed signals. Do you think he is trying to make you jealous?

Whos idea was it to break up in the first place?

If nothing else, I would wait to see if his new relationship plays out, then think about getting firmly back together.

If he loves you, why is he with her, that's the question as I see it.

Sorry to hear about your kitty.

Good luck.

Hello thefarewellnote,

There certainly is a lot of mixed signals going on, but nothing too shocking.

Personally, I would back off a bit and maybe give each of you a little breathing room. I'm not saying NC neccessarily, but maybe not call for a day or two and see what happens.

Good luck to you both.

Hello Llammas,

I really fail to see the point in seeing what he can get away with "faking". It sounds pointless to me.

My gut feeling is to dump this guy, he doesn't sound like he is taking your relationship seriously, and apparently you are the one doing the (needless)suffering.

I would ask him what is the point of all this.

You deserve better!

Good luck.

Hello rms8,

This might be a foolish question, but what is AIM?

What your boyfriend said about not taking charity sounds like something that a lot of guys, (gentlemen) would say, so I really wouldn't worry too much.

Maybe you could play up your gratitude a little more so he will feel a little better. (Not to imply that you are not grateful or anything like that.)

Good luck to you both.

Good for you Kevin,

It is nice to hear that someone is coming out of the muck!

I really hope that it will be sustained for you, and it is an inspiration for me and many here I am sure.

Best wishes bud.

Hello confused41,

I too have a problem with moving on.

Maybe you can find some good advice for this in the personality section.

Go to "articles", and search "ruminating" or "obsessing".

I found some very helpful articles and links on this subject, and slowly my ruminating and dwelling is fading, where before, it seemed to be getting worse. (snowballing)

My own personal observation is that you might need to forgive yourself.

We have all made mistakes that we would like to take back, so you are not alone in this.

Good luck to you!