toopainful

I just posted one about wanting to end it all, but strangely when i read about someone else wanting to do it, i think 'No!! Don't do it!!' from one suicidal person to another i think you shouldn't do it. I think the fact that we have lived this long, feeling these feelings, i think we subconsciously believe things will be better. I know one of the reasons i haven't done it is coz i keep wanting to see what else there is and slowly without me realising it, i'm actually living! why don't you initially just force yourself to do all those things that people suggest to meet people? you know, like join a club, a gym, book club, volunteer for stuff at your local church or whatever and keep at it till you actually make some friends and it comes natural. don't base your life on the fact that your mum's still alive and when she dies so will you. i don't think thats what your mum would want for you. you're young and the world's your oyster. go get it.

I hear what you're saying about finding stuff to fill my life and so on. And i know my family would feel horrible if i killed myself, they'd feel they'd failed me some how. but its so hard to live. i think living is much harder than dying. God knows i'd never want to hurt my family. but i feel like everyone knows how to get on with their lives and i'm the only one who missed out on that lesson. and no i've never spoken to anyone about the depression. where i come from depression is seen as being 'in your head' and all you need to do is 'feel better'. i know i do need to seriously speak to someone but i honestly don't know who. my family is not one of those that are into talking about personal things. we love each other but my best friend and ex-boyfriends know more about my personal life than anyone in my family does. thanks for the replies.

I am 27 and for the last 10years plus I've wanted to kill myself. This was simply because I feel there is no point to life. I think it started when I was about 14. That was when I took my first overdose ‘just to see what would happen’. Nothing did, was sick for a few days but was fine after a while and never told anyone about it. Finally about 5 years ago I was so depressed with the pointlessness of everything – and don’t get me wrong, I had a boyfriend, family, friends, was in uni, everything was ‘great’ – but was ill so much and I knew it was because of the depression, then I took an overdose that did leave me in hospital for some days. I couldn’t even do that right; I was told I didn’t take enough to even require stomach pumping! Anyway when I came out of hospital, my mum talked to me about it and she cried. That’s the only thing that stuck – ‘I made my mum cry!’ and that was – and still is - the only reason why I didn’t try to get it right. After that I tried to get on with my life but always at the back of my head – and quite often at the front – I just think ‘when can I do it?’ The funny thing is I’ve never considered myself as being suicidal but I guess I am. And now having recently been dumped by somebody I felt really loved me and who I really loved, it feels worse than ever. To make matters worse I’ve moved to a country where I don’t know anyone and don’t have any friends so I have a lot of time on my hands to think about the pointlessness of life – not just mine but generally. I guess maybe someone could see this as a ‘cry for help’ and can try and ‘save’ me but me I see it as ‘we’re born so we can die anyway, so what’s the point?’

Hey Joyce I know about the hope. I'm very recently broken up from a relationship where I thought he was the one and of course he said I was DEFINITELY the one for him! The thing is even now he doesn’t simply say 'I'm not in love with you anymore'. He says he's still in love with me and he doesn't know what to do about us. Of course when he says that, I think 'Yes! That means there IS a chance'. But when I say lets get back together, he starts humming and hawing. He's really not helping my healing process. Because I still love him so much, I would want to get back with him but then he obviously doesn't want that. But then I'm scared of telling him to stop contacting me because I DO want him to contact me even if I know it’s not healthy for me. The funny thing is I have been through this kind of thing before when I was much younger and it hurt just as much and I know that the only thing that can help me is time. I think that’s what scares me because I know how long it took me to get over it last time. I hate all the feelings that come with being dumped - the inadequacies, feeling unlovable, not wanting to be with other people, wanting to just curl up and die. I have tried to logicalise what I’m feeling but I guess that just doesn't work with some things. They just have to be waited out. Your sister in stopping the hope, me.