laboheme

Yes. Stupid technology. Like you said, you didn't have to accept her invite...but now that you already have, if you find yourself looking at her page a little too often, what you can do is remove her from your friend list. Facebook won't tell her that you did...and if you're not in the same network/if her privacy settings are high, you won't be able to look at her profile. But if you still can, and you catch yourself searching for her name (I've been so guilty of doing that!), add her to your block list...then her name won't even come up! It's quite handy, really...

It's hard to give advice in a situation like this without knowing who you are as a person...What appeals to one person may not appeal to another...

Maybe try writing out a list of pros and cons for both careers. Also make a note of the qualities that make you suitable for each one, as well as the things that you may struggle with. Just making the list itself can be helpful, but you could also post it on here so that people can get a better sense of where you're coming from.

I've decided I am gonna get back in to the regiment of doing what I used to do before she came in to my life.

This is the best thing you can do -- you said it yourself! You should never put your life on hold because you are in a relationship. Show her that while she does make you happy, she's not the sole source of happiness in your life (if somebody feels like they are entirely responsible for their partner's happiness, it makes them feel like they carrying a very heavy burden...). It's only fair, right? She's not sitting by the phone waiting for your call, is she? No, she's doing other things she enjoys and hanging out with her friends. So why shouldn't you do the same things?

Once you get back in touch with yourself, it may very well happen that she sees how happy you are by yourself and try extra hard to connect with you again (role reversal can be effective like that). And if both of you lead interesting lives outside of the relationship, you'll have more things to talk about when you are together AND you'll cherish that time more!

Where to start? Call up an old friend and go out for drinks. Pick up an activity that you used to enjoy. Or find something that you've always been interested in and give that a whirl...whatever makes YOU happiest!

Have you looked at other scholarships besides the one that you're considering? If you apply for several, you may be able to scrape that money together.

Also, are there any financial aid packages available? It may be a good idea to fill out a financial aid form and see where that takes you...sometimes you even get free money from that!

Education loans are also a good idea. They usually have very low interest rates (it's best if you get a Stafford or a Perkins loan through your school), so you'll be able to pay them off sometime in the future when you either get a good job in your field, or have the time to work part-time jobs for extra money.

I know that feeling...When I was with my ex, I felt like maybe I could settle for having a quiet family life in the suburbs, but now I can work towards a great career with no regrets. I'm throwing myself into schoolwork and picking up all kinds of new activities...It's great to be able to look at the positive results of the breakup rather than focusing on the negatives. I hope you kick butt with your new pursuits!

You say that you are interested in sports journalism and are involved with the radio station. Well, those are perfect excuses to get to know an athlete! Maybe the radion station can "ask you to interview a member of the basketball team." Ask her about a recent/upcoming game to start a conversation...and then segue to ask her more personal questions.

Are you ever in a situation where you can approach her? Open practices or anything? Do you have direct contact with the team, or are you always just commenting from afar? If yes, then a little courage and confidence is all it takes. If not, then look into actually doing an interview for the radio station...Good luck!

I would love to be able to say, "Hey, no worries!" but it all depends on the school. I had the misfortune of attending a school where the brand of your jeans determined your social place. Needless to say, I didn't stick around. But sadly, while we like to think that college is different from high school, you still have those judgmental people....and the people who can get all the frivolous things in life because their parents are paying for it all.

I'm sounding really pessimistic here, am I not?

The way I look at things, yes, your friend may run into people who judge him for not having the most up-to-date things. And yes, it will be painful to deal with them. But the upside is, it will weed out the people who aren't worth being friends with, because after all, the people that he'd want to have in his life wouldn't make fun of him for things like that.

And a very important thing is not to dwell on it! Chances are, most people won't pay attention to the specs of his computer or his cell phone plan unless he starts complaining about them. If he acts like he's ashamed of what he has, then others may start thinking that maybe it's with good reason and treat him accordingly. But if he doesn't let it get to him, others won't care. So he should definitely have some self-confidence and talk to people with a big smile on his face...Impress them with his dazzling personality...and once he does, nobody will notice the things that he thinks are upsetting (which they are not -- not everyone has an iPod shuffle!)

Like Mythical_Suicide said, everyone has different beliefs. What matters is what YOU believe, even if it goes against what others may thing -- as long as your beliefs don't directly cause others harm, of course.

I personally don't believe in any kind of deity, but I find the subject of religion fascinating. If you are doubting your beliefs, it doesn't hurt to do some reading on the different religious denominations...maybe attend some services...And remember, nobody can tell you what to believe. Yes, some people may try to convert you, but it's ultimately up to you to find the answer in your soul.

I had a similar question a while ago, and people were very helpful...Here's a link to that old thread.

The problem is, I'm terribly wary of roommates now because my freshman year was a veritable disaster. If I run into that girl again (which I won't, because we now go to different schools), I will be put in jail for homocide. I just don't want to be subjected to that kind of torture again...

I was so excited for next year of college because I applied to live in a language dorm -- meaning that all conversation that takes place in the public spaces of the dormitory is in French -- and was accepted. However, I got an email today from the director saying that I would be living in a double room, and that for now I'm waitlisted for a single, along with a few others. He doesn't know what the chances are of us (the people receiving the email) actually getting a single.

So now I don't know what to do. I absolutely do NOT want to be living with a roommate...However, after spending the last year and a half at home for various reasons, I want to feel like I'm a part of the campus life, and the language dorm offers a really nice environment. And of course, there's the wonderful opportunity to practice my French all the time. But the roommate thing is really throwing me off. I'm not really liking the other options that I have (normal dorms, or my own apartment), and if I want either one of those, I have to act quickly (housing is VERY limited here and goes fast!), meaning that I can't wait until the room assignments for the language dorms are finalized a the end of the summer.

What to do? Do I suck it up and lead a miserable existence with a roommate for the sake of bettering my French and integrating myself into campus life? Or do I wait and pray that I actually manage to get a single...and if that doesn't work out, resign myself to living at home for yet another year?

*PS. I put this in this category because it's related to my educational experience...but mods, feel free to move it.

Has your boyfriend met those two guy friends of yours? Seeing you around them may give him a sense of security because he will see that they are devoted to each other and that there is no possibility of anything happening with you. So I'd maybe suggest hanging out as a group -- having a double date of sorts. I don't know if anyone would be open to having a double sleepover, but that could also be a possibility...

How old is your daughter?

I switched schools when I was 10 years old...and then I transferred colleges when I was 19. Neither time was traumatic for me at all, and it wasn't for my parents either.

As far as the quality of the school, unless there are very compelling reasons to think otherwise, I think it will be okay in that respect. The basic curriculum should be generally the same, and I've always believed that education is about the student, not about the school. You can get a lousy education at a great school, and a great education at an average school. If your daughter is a motivated student and you provide her with a good learning environment outside of school, she'll be just fine!

Of COURSE she'll make new friends. It may happen on the first day, or it may take a little while, but eventually she'll find that circle of friends. Same with things being rough...As long as she's optimistic about this new experience and doesn't give up if things don't go her way on the first day, it will all turn out!

As far as clothes, I'm sure you can put together a great outfit for the first day -- and it shouldn't take much more than day for you guys to judge what the scene is like at school, and make adjustments accordingly. Plus, you want her to be accepted for who she is, not for what she wears, right?

And speaking from a student's perspective...It sounds like you're very involved with your daughter's life (talking to teachers, her friend's parents, etc.)...but be very careful to not be overbearing in those first few days! Of course you're going to be concerned and wanting to do everything in your power to shelter her from any harm that may come her way in a new environment, but the last thing you want to do is give her classmates and teachers the impression that she always needs to be holding her hand! So hold yourself back just a little bit until it really is the right time to talk to those teachers and start getting friendly with the parents. The right time should come fairly quickly, no worries!

Oh, and it may be a good idea for your daughter to join after-school clubs as welll...She'll meet lots of great people...And as a bonus, if she still relies on you for rides, you'll get to pick her up, see the people that she's waving goodbye to as she's leaving those clubs, and with any luck, catch a glimpse of the parents who are picking them up. Much easier to get to know people that way than to try to absorb it all at the end of the day when all the students pile out of the building...

Good luck!

I don't get terrible PMS or anything, but it did seem like I was less inclined to do anything sexual right around that time of month (although I guess my reasons were more practical and psychological than hormonal). Honestly, I don't want to be anything other than sitting strictly upright when those things are going on, which means that I reject anything that may put me in a reclining position. I would also much rather cuddle than kiss, etc. during those days. They usually ended up being our "chillaxing like slobs" days.

A cozy little sunlit forest glade. I'd feel just like Snow White...

I'm not going to lie: I was a wreck after my breakup. I'm still a wreck, in fact. (Insert all the things that heartbroken people write about their wonderful exes).

BUT the good thing about the breakup was that I could throw myself into school and work. I didn't have to worry about having too much schoolwork and thus not having enough time to spend with a boyfriend. I could flex my academic muscles without him feeling inferior (course overload galore, woohoo!). I could freely take extra shifts at work because I didn't have any planned dates to back out on -- which made me closer to my coworkers, and my wallet is now much happier. I could put on cute outfits and high heels and not feel awkwardly overdressed compared to my ex (who lived in athletic apparel).

Sure, those things aren't much (my relationship was generally good and I'm not feeling the freedom of being out of a toxic relationship), but I'm trying to enjoy them as best I can!

Word of warning though: foreigners tend to get bombarded with questions about their homeland and how they are liking the US. After a while it gets a little old and they welcome other questions that go above and beyond the thing that is most noticeable about them (the fact that they are foreign). So while starting out with a question about her homeland is good, don't dwell on it. Chances are, she'll appreciate it if you start talking to her about things that you'd talk about with any American girl!

If you're still "madly in love with her," for your own sake, don't call. As much as she may miss you and be jealous of you seeing someone else, it doesn't guarantee that she'll decide she wants to be more than friends once you call her. If the situation is really getting to her, she'll find a way to let you know...but if you contact her, be prepared to hear the same thing she said over lunch, that she just wants to be friends.

If some time down the road you realize that you are no longer in love with your ex and can handle being just friends, then you can give her a call (if at that point you still remember her name). But right now you're just not ready for that.

Also, be careful with the other person that you're seeing -- in a rebound situation like this, feelings can be very easily hurt.

In my opinion, French kissing is not like sex or other very intimate activities (not to say that kissing isn't intimate, but you know what I mean) in that it doesn't require advance discussion...it's just something that happens naturally.

How does a regular kiss turn into a French kiss? If you are kissing for a prolonged period of time (as opposed to just one quick peck), you may want to "up the intensity" of the kiss...Your mouths may naturally open a little wider as the kissing gets more passionate. Once your lips are firmly locked and you know that the kiss isn't going end anytime soon, slip your tongue inside her mouth. Just a little bit at first, don't shove it down her throat. Gently nudge her tongue with yours, etc...do what comes naturally, and pay attention to how she responds. With any luck, she'll start getting playful with her tongue as well.

For me personally, outgoing guys are fun to have crushes on, but I'd much rather have a relationship with a shy guy. I'd have trouble trusting somebody who is open with everybody; I'd be afraid that he wouldn't take my privacy into consideration and tell other people things that he shouldn't. I'd be afraid that he wouldn't show me how much he cares -- it seems like shy guys take better care of their partners. The feeling that I'm one of the few people around whom he can eventually drop his shyness is priceless (I've been there...yeah, it's priceless).

I personally don't think that you should limit yourself to profiles with pictures. It could be that the profile is new and she simply hasn't gotten around to putting up a picture yet. It could be that any pictures she has of herself don't reflect reality...And yes, the reasons you gave could be true as well. But keep in a mind -- if a girl is too shy to post a picture, maybe she'll be too shy to send an initial message, too...So why not give her a hand there? And if she's using it to weed out those who judge based on appearance, don't you think she'll be impressed that you sent her a message based on her words alone?

I say go for it. Just make sure that you don't message those who lack pictures because they just don't care enough to put one up -- but you'll be able to tell, because those girls will not have detailed, interesting profiles. I'm sure you knew that already.

I do like your approach to writing initial messages, by the way! Tailoring to the person is always good

Well, the basic rules of conversation apply to IM as well. In real life if a person isn't interested in you, he or she will tend to give short replies, not initiate conversation, and maybe act a little distracted (the equivalent of slow responses on IM). So I think that your observations are accurate for the most part.

I realized that I was in love when I felt that I could be myself with him, that he wouldn't judge me and would accept me for who I am. I felt very comfortable and at peace -- the overall feeling was much happier than the thrill of those first few dates.

The timeline was something like this: we worked together for about a year. Very gradually we got to know each other and towards the end we went on a couple of dates. And then when we basically established that we were dating, it had to be long-distance. When we were cuddling together five months later, I realized that he made me happier than anything/anyone else...and I told him I loved him. He gave me a very warm hug and whispered that he loved me, too.

It's been two years since we said that to each other...and we broke up six months ago (hence I'm at this forum). Tragic.

I'm basically tired of not talking to my ex (we've had LC/NC for a while now), and would like to at least establish a civil relationship. We went textbook shopping together last semester (after the breakup had already happened), and I was thinking that this semester might present the same opportunity. Should I send him the following message?

"So, Mr. (his last name)~

I propose a textbook shopping expedition sometime in the near future, preferably before the rest of the (school name) cockroaches infiltrate the campus and take our overpriced educational booty from right under our noses. D'accord?"

I think that's goofy and casual enough, and doesn't reek of "would you pleeeease hang out with me, I miss you!" Any opinions, guys?

Ditto on everything that people above me have said...

But I also have to add independence and ambition to the list. I am not willing to babysit someone who can't take care of himself and has no plans for his own future -- even if he treats me like a princess and genuinely loves me.

Writing out your thoughts can be a very important part of the healing process, and journaling in general can be incredibly important to some people, so you definitely shouldn't stop writing! The easier way to deal with this problem would be to just create a journal file on your computer that you don't post online...Or use something like the private journal option of this forum.

However, one of the exciting parts of blogging is that you get to share your thoughts with whoever happens to be reading (I used to keep a blog, and that's what made it exciting for me -- the fact that I could whine and rant to my heart's content and feel like someone's listening yet not burden anyone with my problems. After all, they don't have to read it if they don't want to, right?) If you are just looking for that kind of random audience, you can try moving your blog to a different address and not specify where it moved to. In time, other people will find your blog at the new site and you'll get the satisfaction of having somebody read it.

Or, if you have a few people who you know read your blog on a regular basis, you could either give them the new URL...or make the current one password-protected (users will have to log in to view the blog). If somebody is really interested in what you have to say, they'll have the option of emailing you and getting the password -- and then you'll be able to screen the requests and thus have control over who reads the blog and who doesn't.