laboheme

She proably isn't getting much out of you reassuring her that she's beautiful the way she is, and you're getting to the point where it's hard to be sincere, so there's not much hope for the future...But I wonder what would happen if whenever you thought about how attractive she looks to you, you actually told her that? Just out of the blue, randomly, honestly...not just when she asks. Would it be a shock to her? Possibly. But if you tell her that a few times on your own with no prompting, maybe she'll start getting the clue that you do find her beautiful and will ease up on talking about her weight.

Also remember that actions can speak louder than words...So if you find her body sexy as it is right now, show her

As far as taking care of the bump, hot showers are your best friend there -- the steam can help unclog the follicle. And in general, maybe try some hydrocortisone? I heard that it's very versatile for various kinds of skin irritation...

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It's true that a lot of women do have mood swings, especially when it comes to dealing with emotional matters. But I really don't think that excuses excessive baby-talk.

What intrigued me about your last post is the "except if she's under any influence" bit. Do you mean that she can actually behave herself in a "normal" manner when she's intoxicated? If so, maybe it's a sign that she's not very comfortable with you and her usual giddiness is a cover-up for some insecuries -- which vanish after a drink or two. Kind of like a nervous giggle taken to an extreme. It could be that she is afraid to let you see her real self -- the self that snorts when she laughs too hard, the self whose voice can get a little hoarse, etc. -- and thereforeeee puts on an act that she thinks is attractive and shows that she's comfortable around you.

Maybe that's too farfetched, and maybe I misinterpreted your statement...but it's a thought.

PS. TheRedQueen does have a point in her last post though...It could be that you simply aren't compatible.

I can't speak for the rest of the female population, but I personally like the idea of being able to act cute and silly around a boyfriend -- in fact, I dread the day when I'm too old to playfully chuck a snowball at him or have a tickle war. And I do think there can be times when both parties are in the mood for talking in funny voices, if only to get a good laugh out of it. Key word though: BOTH parties.

I personally strongly dislike baby-talk (I think it's disgusting, so NO, not all girls like doing that kind of stuff!)...and if you told her that you feel overwhelmed and annoyed by it, I definitely think that she should cut back on that. However, the fact that she has some emotional problems could make it hard for her to control, at least until her MD makes some recommendations.

Italy does sound nice, that's true. But having nothing to do (except for a part-time job) for the rest of summer doesn't sound appealing at all.

The art coordinator position that I would otherwise have also looks good on a resume...

I wouldn't study anything in particular...it would just be an intensive advanced language and culture class.

It's not so much the money that I'm worried about (although I am, yes...since I will have to take out a loan for it), but the fact that I won't be able to do anything else productive for the rest of the summer.

I've got two options, and I'm not sure which one is better...Help?

1. Go to Italy for a month with a study abroad program.

Pros: I'm going to a different country for a month, probably making good friends within the program, and improving my italian skills.

Cons: It's quite expensive, I would be losing a month's worth of money at work, I would miss the biggest event of the year at work (and letting my manager down because she really needs me then), and since the program is in July, I couldn't really do anything for the rest of the summer (like summer school, or getting a second job) because it would be split up.

2. Stay where I am now, work at my current job, work as the summer coordinator for an art organization, and take a summer course in one of the languages that I'm taking.

Pros: I would be making money instead of spending money, I would be learning another language, and the whole summer would be generally more productive since I'd be involved in things that last the entire three months.

Cons: I'd be passing up an opportunity to go to Italy...

Chemistry is hard to define...but to me, it's the feeling of natural attraction that you can't quite explain. Looks can be a factor, but there's much more to chemistry than that. Chemistry is something that you don't need to make into a logical argument along the lines of "she's smart," "she likes the same kind of music as I do," "she's the perfect height," etc. Also, chemistry doesn't always have a direct relationship with being comfortable around the person. You can have the kind of chemistry that makes you too shy to do anything, and you can have the kind of chemistry that makes you feel like you've known the person forever and can do anything around him/her.

Be sure to let us know how it goes!!! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed

That's a good anecdote right there!

What harm will come from asking for this girl's number? Maybe an awkward moment when she tells you that she has a boyfriend. Maybe some "wasted" time hanging out with her and then realizing that you don't click. But what is the upside to the whole thing? You think about that.

Also, just because you've always felt a spark in the past doesn't mean that something can't happen because you don't feel it right off the bat. Maybe it was the spark that led you astray in the first place, and you neglected other significant factors just because you felt the spark.

So yeah, basically I'm saying, "What are you waiting for?"

I've done both. Things should be fairly comfortable though leading up to a kiss...body language, etc. So, it's no big deal to ask. I just try to phrase it in a way that sounds sweet...or subtle. Things are generally only strange/awkard if there aren't any vibes going on. A guy should KNOW the answer before he asks...or gal for that matter.

I was going to write basically the same thing! If two people have been cuddling for a while now and it's obvious that the other person will not object to a kiss, it CAN be cute if you ask before going in for the kill.

But in general, I agree that body language is the best way to ask permission...

My opinion on soda is such: it's bad regardless of whether it's regular or diet, and if I'm drinking something that's bad for me, I might as well enjoy the extra taste that regular soda offers. Of course, moderation is key.

Sparkling water can be a good alternative to soda. It still give you the fizziness, but no calories. If you want more flavor, you can mix it with juice (especially the good-for-you juices like cranberry), varying the mixing ratios depending on your mood.

What kind of guy is he in general? I've known some guys who are chick magnets in the platonic sense because they are sweet and understanding, so girls come to them to discuss problems that they are having with their relationship and get things from a male perspective.

When you talk to him about this problem, what are his reactions? Does he act defensive (bad sign) or try to be logical (good sign)? When he talks to his gal pals, is it because they really need his help, or does he prefer their company over yours? If they are calling him because they are having a problem, I think it's okay to talk for quite a while...or if they haven't talked in a long time. If you needed him at the same time that one of them did, whom would he choose? As far as going out to eat, I would draw the line at lunch. I could maybe accommodate dinner if it was at a fast food place where they are just meeting for a short while, not a nicer place where they can take their time.

Are there a couple of girls that he favors over others? If there are, maybe that's reason to be suspicious...I personally think that if he maintains regular contact with a large crowd of girls (as opposed to focusing on one for a month, then another while the first one is forgotten, and so forth), he's probably just friends with them, because he wouldn't be able to have romantic/sexual relationships with them without word getting out...

Right after the breakup, I found myself reading and rereading the messages and emails...

A couple of weeks after the breakup, I deleted the vast majority of them, and then cried my eyes out.

Six months later, there are still a few out there in places that I missed, and when I come accross them, I delete them just like I would anything else for the sake of cleaning.

I do hope to start receiving sweet nothings in my inboxes sometime soon though...

I usually referred to my ex as my boyfriend, but I definitely see where you're coming from as far as the word making it sound young or not serious in some way. I like the expression "significant other" personally...

Also, I would say "my guy" fairly often, too. Or "the boy," but that definitely wouldn't be appropriate when the two people are older.

If all else fails, just go with "the bane of my existence..."

I also had some financial issues to sort out with my ex. As far as the amount of money, my rule of thumb was to get as much as I could without feeling guilty about it. I knew that if I pushed too hard, even if he gave in, I'd end up having a guilt trip because I'd feel like one of those stereotypical divorced wives, and that wasn't worth it. But I also didn't want to just let it all go. What I ended up doing was basically reminding him that he still had an outstanding balance (I had lent him money) without stating exactly how much I wanted. Fortunately, his idea of what he owed me matched mine quite well, so it all worked out. Maybe you should try something more oblique like that first, and if he doesn't give you anything/doesn't give you enough, push a little bit...But then again, only go as far as you're comfortable.

Discussing things over the phone is definitely easier -- not to mention that it's more assertive -- but you should take that route ONLY if you are confident that you will not get emotional (crying or yelling) at the sound of his voice and will be able to discuss matters calmly and reasonably. If in a few weeks you're still not sure about how you'll react, then resort to email...

Right after my ex broke up with me, we hung out a couple of times...and he would always hug me and tell me how sorry he was.

A little later he sent me a message saying that he's sorry for hurting me like that...but obviously his apologies didn't make me feel better. The way I see it, if he's so sorry, why did he dump me in the first place? Better to not say anything at all...

Are there any organizations that you can join? I don't know if you're in college or still in high school, but a lot of college clubs recruit continuously, meaning that you can find out when they meet and just show up. Once you do that, ask how you can get involved, if there's any kind of event coming up that you can help out with. If you throw yourself right there in the middle of things, you'll have no choice but to socialize with people.

Also, try to linger after class a little bit. Strike up a conversation as you're packing up your bag, and then continue as both of you are walking out of the classroom...with any luck, you'll stand in the hallway for a while talking. Once you do that a few times, you should feel more comfortable asking that person to study together or to hang out.

If I could clone myself, I wouldn't have to worry about finding a husband.

In general, I am satisfied with where I am in life right now and where it looks like I'm going. Yes, there are many things that I would like to improve about myself, but things could be much worse...

I agree with both viewpoints here. Yes, you can get more attached to someone besides your first love, and that breakup will hurt a lot more...But with each breakup after the first one, you know that you are capable of moving on, even if it doesn't feel like you're going to anytime soon. You can look back and think about how you found someone after your first breakup, and how you'll find someone after this one, too...

With the first one, however, it's hard to believe that life will go on, no matter how many times people tell us that. Also, there's that sense of the loss of innocence that you can never get back...

Try to imagine you and him in very difficult scenarios (sickness, death of family members, having a child) and think whether you would be willing to stick by each other's side no matter what. Also, I think everyone should have at least one good argument before marriage...just to see how the other person handles conflict.

Also, I realize that every situation is unique and some people get married very soon...but in general, I think it takes quite a bit of time to decide whether or not you could happily spend the rest of your life with that person. And if I recall, it's only been a few months since you started dating...Are you at the point where you are comfortable doing everyday things together, or is it still in the lovey-dovey we-need-to-impress-each-other stage?

I've been guilty of doing that back in high school. When I liked someone, I was too afraid to acknowledge their existence; plus, I thought that flirting would somehow make me slutty and equate me with certain girls who had a reputation. So from the side it looked like I was ignoring the object of my affections completely, while in reality I was clinging to his every word and action.

I think the key is transitioning the study date into an actual date on the same day, instead of trying to separate the two. If a guy asked me to study together, but did nothing but flirt instead of doing schoolwork, I'd be quite irritated (unless the attraction was so strong that I didn't intend to study in the first place). So I'd say stick to school topics for a while, but then start to goof off -- it's so natural to do that! A good way to do things (I think) is to schedule the study date right before dinner time. Then you get to study for a while and once dinner time rolls around, you can ask her to have dinner together (I don't mean a romantic dinner with candles, of course...but just a place where students tend to eat in groups).

My ex and I were in a long-distance relationship for a long time, so when we were in the same city (which happened once every two months or so), we saw each other every day for basically the whole day. During longer periods of time, it was probably 4 or 5 times a week. If work got in the way and we didn't have at least 3 days that we could see each other, we got quite irritated. And we talked on the phone every day that we didn't see each other.

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about not having great friends yet. You're doing all you can -- meaning that you're putting yourself out there and meeting people. People don't become great friends who are always there for each other right away, everyone starts out as acquaintances. Look at which of your acquiantances you enjoy spending time with the most -- then dedicate a little more time to them. Treat them like you'd want them to treat you...Eventually you'll grow close enough to have that "great friend" connection. But it's something that takes time and patience.

As far the other issue, I think that if you feel iffy about finding a partner just for that purpose, you shouldn't do it. A lot of people regret encounters like that even if they didn't initially think they would, and if you're already having doubts, I think the chances of you regretting it are quite high. Of course it's not the same, but sexual needs can be satisfied alone until you find someone special...But if you really are bent on that, there are plenty of personal ads out there with people who are looking just for sexual experiences with no commitment. Even some online dating sites offer that as an option that you check when you register (as opposed to checking "Interested in friendship/short-term dating/long-term dating, etc.")