laboheme

Yes, love most definitely exists. I didn't believe in it myself a while ago...but I do now. It was there in my first relationship, it was there when someone I know was dying and unresponsive yet somehow felt the presense of her husband in the room, it's there when an old couple walks out of a theatre tenderly holding hands like they did when they first started dating many years ago, it's there when you look into someone's eyes and realize how happy you are being with that person... Oh yeah, it exists. I hope you find it someday!

I'm feeling really strange right now...it's been a week since the I-lost-the-loving-feeling-but-I-still-care-about-you breakup (4 days NC except for a voicemail from him about his class schedule), and for the first few days I've been a teary-eyed mess...but today something snapped and I have this strong sense that he's going to come back to me and that we'll both put in the effort to start a new relationship with each other. So I'm strangely happy and optimistic -- and normally optimistic isn't even a part of my vocabulary! Is that normal at all? Has anybody else had that emotional experience? Or am I going out of my mind?

Also...I've been skimming some breakup books and articles...all of which tell you to remember how special and wonderful you are...So I can't help but wonder, are most relationships so bad that people come out of them with shattered self-esteem that's in dire need of repair -- the dumpees, at any rate? Is it that unusual to be dumped yet still be happy with yourself despite hating the missing-him-like-crazy situation you're in?

My boyfriend of two years and my first love just broke up with me on account of him not loving me the same way anymore...I'm heartbroken and want him back more than anything, but I know that I need to move on with my life. This may sound like a silly question...but what do I do with all the things that I've accumulated that remind me of him? I know that some people burn them...but I don't want to get rid of those memories. I mean...is it normal to want to keep a picture of your ex to look at twenty years down the road, just to remember who your first love was? Or the sweet cards that he wrote me...or a few personalized items of clothing that are very "me" and that I could easily wear any day...it just so happens that he was the one who gave them to me...

Do I just throw it all away? Or do I stash it in the back of my closet and look at it when the mood strikes me? Or maybe, who knows, in a few years we'll still be friends and look through that stuff together and reminisce about the good old days? Any advice?

Let's start a club or something. I can't hold a conversation without very detailed questions guiding me. Otherwise, if I'm feeling unusually "friendly," my comments are the most random and out-of-place things ever. Ha.

I've found that the best way (so far) to solve this problem is to seek (and retain, of course) information anywhere and everywhere. That way, if you know a little about a lot of things, you'll probably be able to contribute to a lot of conversations and keep on "topic hopping" until you get to something that both you and the other person are interested in.

Oh, and of course...can't underestimate the power of quotes. If you've got nothing to say, just fit in an appropriate quote by somebody else, either a friend or a famous person. Oscar Wilde works well for me.

My first and now ex-boyfriend and I dated for almost two years...It took me about four months to realize that I was in love with him -- but maybe that's because it was a long-distance relationship for a lot of it. He is the first person I ever loved and the only person I ever loved in the 20 years that I've been alive...I want him back

Oh, and happy anniversary, Sally!

I wish it was as simple as NC...but the thing is, he realized that his feelings started fading because he was unsure that I cared as much for him as he cared for me...and the fact that we could never see each other because of our very busy schedules (out of sight, out of mind). I guess he thought he didn't mean much to me (he did...I would do anything to prove that I did and that I still do, more than ever) and retreated to avoid being hurt. So I'm afraid that if I cut off all contact with him, I will not only lose all hope of us getting back together (and he told me that I shouldn't dismiss the possibility!), but lose him as a friend altogether because I will "confirm" his fears that I'm too busy. I know he's not trying to play me, and he swore that he's not going to give me any false hopes, and I know that he's the nicest guy who will sacrifice himself for the other person's happiness...He still wants to hang out on our anniversary, is planning his class schedule around mine "just in case" (a while ago he was so excited to transfer to my college), can't bring himself to tell people that he's single, etc...Will NC completely dishearten him? I mean, what chance is there of him coming back to me if I ignore him and don't make any time for him in my life -- which is just a few notches more drastic than what we had for a while before we broke up, thanks to work?

Oh, and...how do I eventually break the news to my parents? I just know that my mom will say, "Told you so." She thought it was ridiculous of me to be so committed to a guy for two years and not date other men on the side...

I would really appreciate some advice...My boyfriend of two years broke up with me recently, claiming that he does not love me the same way anymore and does not want to lead me on. He still wants to be friends, and said that our friendship is special. He was crying during the breakup and wants me to come to him for help getting over him (yeah, that doesn't make any sense, I know!). Since the breakup, I've shed gallons of tears on his shoulder, we've reminisced together and all those things...He still gives me hugs and cuddles with me, and gives me friendly kisses on the lips, saying that friends can do that, that it's just a way of showing affection. How is that not leading me on? I'm still very much in love with him and obviously find deeper meaning in those physical acts. It really hurts because it's one-sided, but I don't want to give it up, because it still makes me happy in that bittersweet way.

What gives me even more false hope is his saying that I shouldn't dismiss the possibility of him getting the loving feeling back. I may be foolish for grasping on to that, but how do I get him back? Does is sound like there's a chance? If I hang out with him enough as a best friend, will I eventually regain my girlfriend status? Or is he just teasing me -- but didn't he break up with me to avoid just that?