VictoriasImage

Sounds like my situation. We were together as long, with the same confusing ending (me being in your place). I know him saying he is not in love is bs, cuz i feel it from him still. Finally he admitted he was just pushing me away so he could have his space. I am uncertain, as you are, why the other person needs to be away. All we can do is wait and hope. We also dealt with the grass on the other side issue. We were on the verge of being engaged a few months after me going away to college, and I freaked out because I thought he might be my only serious bf ever. So I dated a dude who turned out the bggest * * * * * * *, and got it out of my system. But the whole time me and the bf remained close......and he was waiting like he promised when i came round. But this time he is purposely maintaining distance, havent heard from him in a week. I feel like i had a carpet ripped from under me. Sounds like she should have gotten the other guy thing out of her system, and probably thats not a factor. Do you guys fight a lot? My (ex) bf's life is really stressful, and I think my nagging may have sent him over the edge. Maybe she really does just need a break, to learn to appreciate the relationship again, or find herself. I can see how that would make someone think they are not in love, etc., but I'm sure she will look back and realize how much you love her. I'm not trying to give you false hope. I know that my (ex) bf may never come around, but I know our love was true, and I will always stick by it, if just alone. People get confused sometimes, and thats ok. Try to be her friend anyway, dont just cut her off cuz you are hurt, unless she is trying to take advantage of your feelings somehow. If you wanted her as a life partner, she must be worthy enough to be a friend only, even though it may be excruciatingly hard at times. She will appreciate it, and if there are feelings left for you, that will only help to rekindle and remind her what a good person you are. Hang in there and keep us updated.

I haven't got any advice for you...... Because I am in almost the EXACT SAME situation. I just wanted to let you know that I understand your pain and confusion, and if you ever need to talk, message me.

Here is some background on the situation. We have been dating seriously for 4 years. We are from the same hometown, and met in highschool, shortly before he graduated. At first it was a physical thing, then grew and grew. He was my first serious boyfriend, and I was his second, but longest, serious girlfriend. He didnt treat me very well in the beginning, but I still loved him, and our relationship turned out really well. I went off to college 2 years into the relationship, and being without parents to help him, he stayed back to work and attend school sparingly when he can. Although it's been long distance 6 months out of the year, it's been wonderful. We have dealt with cheating (me first, then him), and that's water under the bridge. We both understand eachother's reasons,(he made me feel like I wasnt worth long distance relationship and was going to break up, and he felt like he wasnt at peace unless the cards were even) etc. and moved on. At one point, I felt that he may be my only bf ever since we got really serious, so I ended up dating someone else for a few months to get it out of my system. That was a year and a half ago, and he was waiting for me the whole time, and when I came to my senses, we were back together.There were points we contemplated marriage, and as far as I know, we were still planning on it after we finish school. He actually was about to sign a lease on an appartment where I go to college, so he could start school full time. Last december though, his very close friend (they are like family) lost very young family members in a bad accident, one died right away and the other after 3 weeks. it was very devastating, so he decided that he needed to stay awhile and be there for them. I understood, but didnt want that getting in the way of him going off to school, which is important. So he never ended up moving, but still thinks he should. We always fought about a few things, but since then it seems to have intensified. He lives in a bad area and has been trying to get out for years, but he can never seem to save up enough AND pay bills, money is a big stress factor for him. He is irresponsible with money too, and I try and give him advice a lot since I can manage it well. He gets bent out of shape that I always have tp pay for everything we do, etc. But he gets INTENSELY angry about little things that involve money, like if his food order is wrong he goes BALLISTIC, or if his new shoes get dirty. I understand he feels out of control, that he doesnt have a lot. He also has(all along) a few habbits that I do not agree with, and they are getting in the way of him bettering himself. That is my opinion, but also it is common sense. When he expresses the desire for change and asks for support, I give it to him, but then he slips back and I get "naggy"because I get disappointed. He also lets people manipulate him sortof. Like this lady owed him money that he needed to move over by me...but instead of giving it to him, she put money down on a place close to her and bought him used furniture so he could stay near her and babysit! That stuff caused stress between us, but by the end of the day it was always fine. But a few months after I came back in town for the summer, he started hanging out with this new kid. Most of his friends agree also that he is shady and bad news. He has since then started acting irrational toward me and everyone else sometimes...when he feels "cornered". We will get in an argument, and he grossly misinterprets me, or says I am trying to manipulate him, etc. I feel like I cant even be upset about anything myself, because he is under too much stress and cant handle it. When I told him that I feel I get no emotional support, he got irrate, broke up with me, saying things to push me away. I was DEVASTATED, as it was kinda outa the blue. A few days later he appologized, and said he needed me etc., he is just stressed out and cant deal. He was dealing with a lot financially too then. Then he did it a few more times, and he did admit he needs counseling but cant afford it. But he says I AM the only one he does it to, and he needs space to figure things out in his own head, like if we should really be together in the longrun or not.One thing he sights is that we are too different. He grew up without a dad in an unstable home, and my family is the classic close knit nuclear unit. We are from very different backgrounds, and have some different interests as well. But that never bothered him before. I have also gained a substantial amount of weight. It hasnt affected our relationship, but now that he wants space, I cant help thinking I am not enough somehow. A friend and I became concerned that he might have some kind of drug problem, as he has lost lots of weight and acts strangely, and plus this new crowd. We confronted him and of course he got upset, but since then I have had doubts about that. I just don't know what to think. He wants space....ok I understand that I nag him too much sometimes....but he still calls me, etc. He cant decide if he wants permanent separation or not. After all the time effort, devotion, money, etc. I spent working on this relationship, I am floored that he all of a sudden doesnt want to try. He says he just doesnt know, we fight too much, are too different. But I know him waaaaay too well to buy that one, and its definitely not another girl either. I cant help but think he is paying me back for the "space" I needed a few years ago. Maybe he is just really stressed out. Maybe he has another problem he doesnt know how to deal with. I know he still loves me, he shows it too, but if its going to be a permanent situation, I just wanna know. What do you think?