niceguy79

Going for it rocks I have changed my behaviors of post-break-up towards my ex and at the same time I have never lost hope. It is the behavior of our emotions that push them away and if you just chillax and keep those feelings inside for a bit but never lose hope you may be surprised at the results you get from your ex. There is no reason my ex and I should even have a phone convo but we do everyday she has told me her need for space I give it to her now and everyday without fail she calls me and we talk about the possibility of working it out one day down theline. We are both just at different points in our lives right now and I think it takes one slowing down to let the other catch up. Everyone on here has this sudden sense of urgency within 3 hours of a break-up we live in a fast paced society where we eat fast-food and live on credit cards.........why? Because everyone wants it NOW!! Just chillax!! Do you really think that its not possible to get back together with someone after them being a part of your routine everyday and a shoulder to laugh or cry on? It is possible but it is only possible if you stop being a Freak and give your ex space and time to think and stop wanting it NOW.........If you love the person you will give them this and you wont lose hope and I hear everything going for it says its right on and you deserve some credit man...............Chillaxxxxxxxxx...

Bro ive held onto my ex for along time too. Im still holding on and we both need to let go!! It is so painful I know Im going through it right now. I get calls from my ex every single day and she tells me one day how crappy her life is with her new bf, and then calls me another time and tells me how great it all is. Its as if I am in her life as an observer for her current relationship and no one deserves that. If your ex is out playing the field which it seem like she is then you have to let go for you!! You are the most important I am starting to figure it out myself because the ladies will string you along as long as they can it makes them feel special and it makes them feel like they will always have someone who loves them when things go bad. Just know your not alone that is why we are all here telling you that your not. Some of us are going through it with ya at the same time lol Take care bro laters........

Damn ....... moonflowers your post really makes me open my eyes and you are right. I have had many things like this said to me but only in bits and pieces by people who really do care about me, like friends and family. Your post is really great in a nutshell and you are right. The thing is, I never have really let go of her and I am a safetynet that she is taking advantage of. Her and I have had a ton of drama on the stupid phone and right now there is peace which I want to stay that way. But I need her out of my life right now while she finds herself so I can truly heal. How do I ignore her and heal without causing more drama? I told her I would be her friend but I am realizing I cant do it right now and if I tell her that she will flip, weird isn't it? Well I do want to say thanks a ton for your post it was great.

Thanks for the reply I have got to the point now where she initiates all the calling. She calls once or twice daily and the convo will last as long as I want it too. I always end the convo and I am trying my best to be supportive for her as a friend. I do want her back and she knows my feelings for her but says she is stuck in a messy relationship and doesnt know whats gonna happen. I know that I cant move-on with her calling everyday because its like something inside you that says "if she is calling me everyday there must be something there" So it leaves me with confusion>>Thing that bugs me too is she is pressing to be friends, she wants me to date, and the last thing is whenthere is any talk of "us" there is complete confusion. I have always been the type of person that throws out lil hints and why not? we shared good times together!! So I guess Ill continue to be a puppet for as long as I can put up with it, meanwhile I am doing what you said ............focusing on me and trying to better myself so, if or when, she does come back ill be in a good position

Hey whats up Enotaloners! My situation deals with a 24 year old girl and myself who is 27. We were in a relationship together for six months, she broke up saying she is confused, and I was strung along for 6 more. I finally got sick of her confusion and went out of her life. I came back two months later and initiated contact with her just to see how she was doing since we both changed numbers. It is a LDR and we are both really far apart. When I came back, at first she said that she wasnt in a relationship and that her and the guy she was dating are broken up. She told me she had a roommate at first, which come to find out one night on the phone that she doesnt have a roommate she has a guy living with her and it is her boyfriend. She tells me all this stuff how she co-signed for him on a truck and how she is in a big mess because he doesnt make payments and he never comes home-----blah blah blah. I didnt know how to take it at first because she reeled me back in talking to me late at night on the phone telling me how our convos were like old times and it seemed like she was really expressing some kind of interest. Once I found out this stuff I said to her if you want me back then come back, but for right now I need to go because you are in a relationship with this guy, and me sticking around is gonna confuse us both. She didnt like that at all because I am taking away her backup plan and she started saying she is happy and goodbye all that stuff. Well, a few days go by and she calls again saying whats up and stuff and says "I dont understand why your not over me yet, you can't be my friend because you are so f---ing in love with me" I told her yea I do love you but I realize you have made plans to be with this guy and I respect that but now I know I need to move on and go find love for myself. She said good luck, and I said I will come back only when Im over you and I can be a true friend like you want. Done right? No, next day she calls and starts changing the tune again saying how he might be cheating on her and how he is doing this or that. Then I say I have to go and she says, "its ok you dont have to call me back" ...........like its a guilt trip or something. Now I get 5 minute phone calls everyday where I am the one getting off the phone with her and she initiates the convo by saying I know Im not supposed to talk to you but............I dont get it????????? Until tonight we talked and she said "I am so confused that it makes me sad." "I dont know what I want and I have to go find me and Im so confused" and she is telling me that I should go date and play the field because she is so confused. Well I tell her its not that easy because I have tried and failed because no one compares to her and then I said we can be friends for now...........STUPID I KNOW! She is forcing this friendship on me it seems and that is because she doesnt know what she wants, yet at the same time I love her enough to wait and see if it is me and I have tried so hard to kick her out of my life and move on but I cant. So its the classic story of the guy that cant let go and the girl that doesnt know what she wants.............ANY ADVICE? Thanks Enotalone

For those of you who have taken the time to read my post and those who have responded, I personally want to thank all of you. Update to this story is simple I have tried so many times to make peace with this woman, back-off, go away that it simply didnt work in any scenario, she didnt have the respect to let me go when I told her that at this time I cant be friends because she is in love with someone else and I am still in love with her! I asked her if we could go with the plans she made with me when she did come back after a week of no contact. She said that is fine but you have to get a hotel when you come here and I can only hang with you for a lil bit. Should I have done it? No I dont think so it would have given me closure but it may have brought back some feelings for her and then we would be back to square one where she is confused and stringing along two guys. I am sick and tired of the games and I told her today to change her number if she wants me out of her life after a heated argument and she did just that. I also told her that I would be changing my number also which I have. So there you have it she cant call me and I cant call her-----Game Over! I know that my mind was telling me that I needed to do this I have to now convince my heart and I know it wont be easy I have a tough road ahead of me but I believe I will manage thanks for the support! The only way she can get in contact with me now is via E-mail or Mail which I dont see her online much at all anymore but Im sure she will drop a line who knows? All I want is for her to be happy in life and I know the year that I was in her life that I may have helped her grow and realize that you cant do what she has done to people and I hope that after time she will have fond memories of us I can only hope. I wish her the best and I will always love you in my heart AMY!!

Well hey thanks viper glad to know im not the only one to go through this sorry to hear its happened to you too. Your right sometimes the questions we have are better off unanswered thanks for the reply and best of luck to both of us and all of us that are trying to understand why good people are left behind.

I want to thank you all for your advice. I am curious though if anyone could tell me why someone would do that to another individual, when she said at one time she loved me and to make it sound like im going to go there and have a good time, and then she drops me like im fricking garbage. Just baffles me, i mean i wouldnt do that to my worst enemy, let alone someone ive been talking to for a year. Is it possible she met someone over a weekend and had no regard for the money i spent and the year weve been talking? I dunno i guess im looking for closure but i know i wont get it from her. Thanks

I have an update on my story and all i can say is "someguy you were right" I guess looking back all i was doing the no contact for was to get her back and not heal for myself. When she contacted me and we began to talk again, she stated that she did want to hang out as "friends" and of course you all know what i am trying to do and thats get back with her. Im just curious why she would really want me to fly out there and "hang out" with her it doesn't make sense to me. So anyways i granted her request and set up dates with her to hang out. We made plans to go camping together, baseball game, fair and other fun stuff that seemed too good to be true; all in all ive spent 500 dollars on airfare, etc. to see her again. I was getting prepped to see her and excited about the whole thing when i get a voicemail saying: "when you come here ill still hang out with you, but i might be seeing someone" of course im enraged and we battled for a week. pretty much me saying to her "why would you say all this stuff now a week before im supposed to come?" Obviously she was having second thoughts and maybe she is making excuses now i dont know but I am breaking all ties with this girl and ending it for good she has walked all over me too much now and she will soon realize that she is losing a good guy that would obviously do anything for her.

Uggh Im such an idiot, i should have listened to everything i have read on here and the people who replied. I went seven days with NC and she called everyday, which I ignored her asking me to call her back. I was doing soooo good then she calls and leaves a message saying "We need to talk" I ignored it at first then i gave in and called her and asked her what she wanted to talk about, she said "I would like to hang out with you as friends" and i said i couldnt because im not friend capable right now oh what to do........any replies would be great thanks.

Hey guys i appreciate the advice, its like the most ridiculous story, but i do love and care about this girl alot and would love to see her again. I do agree with all of you she is far away, and obviously not true in relationships. I find myself saying that even if i did see her again the cycle would continue til i was physically there all the time. Im just wondering how she will react when i pull away and dont answer calls because we have been talking for a year now and ive never turned my back on her so i dont know how she will react to the no contact.

My story is a lil long "but very interesting you've never read anything like this before" ill try to make it as short as possible. I talked to this girl for 6 months before we met (met online) , we were on different ends of the country so it was hard to jump on a plane and just see each other. During those 6 months it felt as though we were in love it felt like love (talked 24/7 on the phone) and as you can imagine grand plans were made. I came home one day to an e-mail of her saying i want to be the mother of your kid, your the guy for me, i wanna be married to you, blah blah. At first I was taken aback by all of this since we haven't even met yet, but i fell into the trap and became attached to the idea. Well last christmas she started acting a lil fishy and said please come see me for xmas and i couldnt due to my job. We had plans already set for february and she said she could wait til then. Well new years eve comes around and she disappears for 2 days (turns her phone off), no happy new year, nothing, and im starting to worry about her, well come to find out she went to see an ex, i found out through her e-mail (i know i was wrong but i was worried about her) when she called me 2 days later i confronted her about it and she lied, i said tell me, well she confessed and said she was stuck between two guys and this ex kept calling her and she had to go see him. I was torn up but i had'nt even met her so i let it slide (fyi i was true to her the whole time) and we kept our plans for february but it seemed as though the tone changed about us, so in a desperate move to keep the initial idea of us being together i asked her if she would marry me if i came there to see her with a ring. She said if you come and ask me to marry you, you might get an awesome answer, so of course my hopes are high and i fly there with a ring in february. When we first saw each other i melted to say the least and was really into her. I believe she was into me also (we were intimate) but i could sense something wrong and i just knew this other guy was still in the picture. I spent five days with her in her own place and it was wonderful i met her family and friends which all seemed to really like me and had heard alot about me. I did propose to her, not the way i wanted to because she was fishing in my bag looking for it, and i just gave in and got down on one knee and asked and she said do i have to give an answer now? BIIIIIG cue and since it was our first time meeting, like an idiot, i said no take your time its a big commitment, i wasn't going to pressure her into marrying or making a commitment if she wasn't feeling it and we both agreed that it is just an engagement that i would move in and we would see if we were really compatible which would have been a big risk on my part moving and all. Even though she didn't give me a straight answer the whole time i was there she wore the ring in front of friends and family which made me nervous but yet excited. When i left she said "I will give you an answer in a week i need time to think about this and see if i miss you" so i agreed. Well a week goes by and she sends me a text saying "yes i will marry" i was so happy and i didnt even inquire about this other guy because i wanted to trust in her decision. She said she talked to her mother and sister about it and they said that "i am such a great guy" you should do it and she even mentioned her mother asking her if she loved me and she told me that she replied "yes mom i do love him" so i was a very happy man and for the next week all we talked about was how we were gonna be married and it was like it was just a big f***ing game now looking back, because one day i get a call saying i love you but im not "in love" and i start suspecting this other guy now and she said yes i still talk to him and im confused and all the girls at my work say i should drop you both and find someone new. I was very angry and sad. Well guys she did, she dropped us both and she started dating this other "really attractive" guy in her words and she said dont call me anymore. I didnt even have time to breathe between marriage and hopes of a future with this girl to "leave me alone, i can be friends but nothing more." I started becoming obsessive saying just see me again and then make your choice and she said no and i begged and pleaded and when that didnt work i started calling for closure and reasons why which she gave none and eventually changed her cell number calling me a psycho....but i still had her house phone and i started calling that, i was a mess to say the least. When i finally let go after a couple of weeks, i know she sensed this and now she starts calling me???? She is now telling me that she is happy "let me be happy" and i stopped calling her house phone but now she is calling me on restricted with her new cell number so i wouldnt have it. As heartbroken as i was i answered the calls knowing it was her and spoke with her everyday, she was the one calling, not me, and it felt like after time that i was now the fallback guy. She would even call me from his house when she was bored or he was sleeping??? I thought it was weird but i was like addicted to this girl so i continued to talk to her. Well not even two months in this new relationship she starts having problems and at this point now they are broken up with no intention of getting back together. She trusts me again and gives me her new cell number but says dont call like you used to and honestly i never call!!! A few weeks pass, she is single as far as i know, and i inquired a couple of times about seeing her again and she always shoots me down saying there is nothing there, get over it, we are just friends. Two days ago i told her, and keep in mind she calls everyday to talk, that i can't be friends and that im still not over her (broke-up on phone 4 months ago) and that if there is nothing there i have to go heal and get over this whole thing because i am much stronger now and i have let go somewhat in my heart. I told her that in the future i can come back and we can establish a friendship but right now i still care about you alot and think about our original plans and i dont want to stick around for another heartbreak if this girl gets with someone else. She told me well if you can't be friends "adios" and i said "ok" which must be a shock to her now because ive always been there for her but she isnt always there for me, i think she is using me as emotional support until she gets into another relationship or she is really confused right now and doesnt want to lead me on by seeing me again. I instituted no contact as one final move to see if this girl can now let go she is 24 im 27 by the way. The very next day she calls and says "i know im not supposed to be calling you" and i said "ok" and she said "you cant be my friend" and i said "why did you call then" and she said "because i was bored" and i said "i think there is a lil bit more to it than that" and she said "whatever" and hung up i did not call back and havent heard from her for one whole day lol so i plan on sticking to the no contact rule for myself and also to see if it pulls any feelings out of her she may still have, any replies would be awesome i love enotalone!!! Thanks!!