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A while ago, I would have said that living together before marriage would be a good idea, kind of a trial run for what's to come. But my mindset on that has changed, and I wouldn't live with a woman unless we were engaged to be married, with a date at least tentatively set. I just think that living together before marriage would be a hassle, especially if the couple split up.

I agree, engaged to be married. An engagement is kinda like earnest $ when you're buying a house. Give you some kind of "promise". I lived with my ex for 2 yrs. I had hopes to get married (we dated for 6) but his intentions were for me to be his lifetime girlfriend. I'm too good for that, so I split. And now, a yr later my name is still on the mortgage.

Live and learn

Hi and welcome to ENA.

Hmmmm, well I understand your concern. Especially about the no sex for the last 16 months. How was your sex life before?

Sounds like you're getting the short end of the stick. I don't know that she's cheating, but she's definitely not as into the relationship as she should be or as you deserve.

Try one last time to sit her down, tell her your concerns. Talk about the sex, or lack there of. Tell her things need to change or it won't work.

Ask yourself, is this the kind of relationship you want FOREVER, TIL DEATH DO YOU PART?? I wouldn't.

Good luck

Thank you everyone,

 

I have decided to completely back off and take my goods elsewhere ALthough he didnt get sketchy until probably a month in, he got sick and was himming and hawing about our date, he did come out though.

In any case, if it were anything to him he would make time, even if it was just a how are you text or a quick check in phone call. The Christmas thing DOES bother me because we may have had a tussle, but it wasnt a fight, and certainly not a big enough thing to blow off someone for several days over a huge holiday.

 

I wont be texting or calling or emailing.

That a girl!!

I think its a good idea for the man to know what she likes, but I'd want him to surprise me. With the ring and the proposal.

oh, in that case, definitely do NOT contact him. Not even text.

I'd send the text. Its simple, and if he's busy it won't "bother" him.

Oh yeah, i was going to call him on his birthday to say hello...or should i just let him be the one to contact me?

OH, hum, maybe a simple "Happy Birthday" text.

I'd back off. If he's busy let him handle his business. Let him come to you, that way you will KNOW. Don't call him, let him call you. Be patient

Well, while its good that after all this time you both are able to communicate and get along as friends.

At the same time, you shouldn't initiate contact w/him anymore b/c he has a girlfriend. For one, the more you 2 communicate the stronger those "old" feelings will start to become, and if he doesn't leave her you'll be left hurt and disappointed. Also, put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel if you were her? Regardless of what "problems" they may be having, that's for them to work out or not work out.

I'd steer clear of him. If he really wants to get back with you or if its meant to be, he'll break it off with his girlfriend and come looking for you.

I'm a woman, but who judges women more then women, right?

What I think is attractive is more of the athletic figure. IE: Carmen Electra, Marisa Miller. Also Beyonce, Tyra Banks.

What I think is UNattractive is: Courtney Cox, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie-way too thin.

When I find another woman attractive she's usually very fit, with a lot of muscle tone and feminine definition.

don't like hair on the chest, but a little, neatly shaved facial hair is ok.

I agree for the most part about "dating advice books", but I have read one that helped me "Don't Call That Man". When I wanted sooo badly to call him when it felt like he was drifting further away, I honestly just re-read the book, and I didn't call him. Just my opinion

I think we'd been together for 5 months

It is often an error to listen to friends about your relationship. The problem is that people vent to their friends and tell them what their partners do wrong and how they have upset them etc. This sets up a dislike for the partner by the friends and they become very defensive of your behalf and very biased against him.

 

Plus - they have nothing to lose personally if you lose a good relationship. Ever notice how friends rarely take their own advice when dealing with their own partners?

You're exactly right. I do have one friend, my best friend that listens to me gripe about him, but doesn't judge him b/c she figures if I stick around it must not be that bad, and its really not.

I hope they can work. My b/f & I have been together for 8 months. The 1st 4 months I lived 40 mins away in "D", he lived in "M". In August I moved about 10 mins from "M" and rented an apartment. Our relationship has grown stronger and stronger. I just bought a house in "D" (again 40 mins away.) I couldn't pass it up, I had to do what was best for me, I'm moving in 2 wks.

40 mins may not seem that far, but we both work 2 jobs and can really only see eachother a few days a wk as it is. I hope I'm not committing relationship suicide-but even though I have never been so in love, we've never talked about the FUTURE, and I had to look out for my best interest, I didn't see how renting was going to benefit me.

Its gonna take a little extra work, & since he lives with his parents he'll be the one doing most of the driving to my place. We'll see.

Oh, I agree it was less than sensitive on my boyfriend's part not to call me on Thanksgiving, but in the grand scheme of things, he's the best boyfriend I've ever had, shows he cares and loves me on a consistent basis, is very sensitive to my feelings about 99.9999999999% of the time, and in fact, called me a few times while he was gone. Would I have preferred that he also call on Thanksgiving? Yeah. Do I think he doesn't love me and we have a terrible relationship because he didn't? No way.

Exactly, see my problem has been that lately I listen to my friends opinions about our relationship and what THEY think should or shouldn't be happening. But like you, regardless of a few instances I know he loves me.

And Lansing gave some great feedback on a guy's perspective. Heck, my long-term boyfriend didn't even call me on Thanksgiving when he was out of town with his family. I started to get mad, but luckily had a guy friend "talk me down." And when my boyfriend came back, he was obviously very happy to see me, and had brought back some little mementos for me. I wisely did NOT bring up the lack of a Thanksgiving call.

Scout: In reference to your post and what your "LONG TERM" b/f did at Thanksgiving.....why is it that they do this? I mean not call and such on important days? It makes you feel like "Am I that easily forgotten?"

For example, my b/f loves me, and I know this, but sometimes I feel like I'm out of sight, completely out of mind. Most women, at least the ones I know don't FORGET to call or let their b/f SLIP their minds.

I agree, snooping isn't the answer. I would be absolutely enraged if I found out my SO had been snooping. I also believe that if there is something going on I will find out about it eventually. I refuse to waste my time and energy on snooping or checking up on someone. I take things as they come, and sometimes I feel I was a little too naive but I'd rather not overstep my boundaries b/c I don't want it done to me.

I know you're pissed and its driving you nuts, but don't react to her. Thats what she wants. She sounds really immature, and if her friends are making fun of the blog, then they must be immature too. What are they like 14?

It will blow over, everything does. Just focus on you and your b/f and Christmas, and good stuff.

Punch something if you need to-not a person. Work out, get out some of that anger. It will be fine. Take a deep breath.

Walking backwards, at a slight incline, at an average pace on the treadmill. Sounds crazy but works wonders. I do it 4 times a wk for an hr and I have a great bum!

Also; pushups, crunches, lunges. None of those require equip, but work great.

I understand your frustration, and I know you only emailed her to defend your boy friend, but it wasn't really your place to do that. I mean, if she's set up a picture of him for people to make nasty comments, didn't you think she might find someway to ridicule you?

Now as for him sticking up for you, he should.....but let him cash those checks-it just takes a trip to the bank, so why hasn't he done that already?

But still, hate to say it but you kinda set yourself up here. Just remember that by letting her get to you and cause problems between you and your boyfriend she's winning, you're giving her the power.

My b/f and I talk a dirty during sex, sometimes especially when its rough or fast. But other times we do it slow and quite, with just a bit of moaning and a lot of kissing.

Ok, I'm a little turned on

You're hurt? Think how your husband would feel.

Soooo - buying cologne only, is that acceptable?

 

I originally told my bf not to get me anything - that I don't want to exchange gifts. I'm positive he's getting me something anyway. So I'm trying to decide what to get for him.

I hope its acceptable, cuz that's about all mines getting.

I have never cheated on a SO, but if I did, I would not tell them. All telling the truth is going to do is sabotage the relationship. Now if the cheating turns into a prolonged situation then I dont believe that you should be in the relationship in the first place but people always rationalize why the remain in the relationship and still cheat.

I agree with Day Walker