amtjrtcet

I'm a woman, but I just wanted to comment: My b/f says he has the best of both worlds b/c I'm "lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed".

I think most men could probably agree on that.

Thanks for responding again. I have been thinking a lot about this subject the last week or so. And I truly feel I have a problem - I will NEVER EVER ask her these things, but I am always curious about what she has tried, where she has tried it, how "kinky" she may have been in the past, etc...

 

I know it is a problem I have - it just gives me a sick feeling thinking of her and her past experiences.

 

SO....Do you (or anyone else) have any ideas how to get over thinking about her past?

I know what you're saying....when I think about how wonderful my b/f is to me and how amazing our sex life is, I can't help but wonder if he was the same way with his exes. Then my mind begins to wonder, and I find myself all flustered thinking about him being with other women. But then I take a deep breath, sit back and realized-that's the past, a past I wasn't around for. I have a past, he probably wonders th same things about me. He loves me, he's with me......and I let it go.

I have to agree, enjoy it, when you spend time apart from the person you love is natural that you would want to be as close as you can when you are together. The only way I would worry is if maybe when you are not together you dont talk , you cant get ahold of him or something like that.

 

If communication is good when you dont see each other, I see no problem. So in that note, How is your relationship when you are apart?

I agree.....my b/f and I aren't exactly "long distance" but we do live 40 mins apart, and both work 2 jobs so we really only see each other on tuesday nights and he stays with me on Satuday nights. But we have A LOT of sex just about every time we're together. But we also have a lot of communication. If you're happy and he's filling your other needs, just enjoy it.

I was with my ex for 6 yrs, I thought one day we'd be married. My stupidity, b/c I honestly believe his plan was for me to be his lifetime girlfriend. That may be ok for some, but not me. When I realized that we had different ideas of "together forever" I left-amoungst many other reasons.

So now I'm in a wonderful relationship a month shy of a year, I'm ready. I'm ready to get married. I don't want to waste 6 more years of my life with someone who has no intention of saying "I do".

So what's my plan?.....If no discussion of marriage by 1.5 yr mark, or if he doesn't "know" that he wants to marry me by then, I'm out. I've not brought up marriage, and I won't until that time comes. That's just me.

I wouldn't worry about it. You may have taken what she said the wrong way. I don't really know.....sounds like she used a poor choice of words. Other then that I'd let it go.

I think oral sex is sometimes more intimate than regular sex.

I do agree with you here. Just my opinion. But I've only given oral to 2 different men in my life. My ex who I was with for 6 yrs, and my b/f who I hope to marry someday. I just find it EXTREMELY personal. Not that I don't find sex extremely personal, but oral is just, well....involves your mouth.

I was with my ex for 6 yrs. I learned:

You have to pick your battles very carefully, and let somethings just roll off your back.

Nothing is forever.

That having someone that knows ever single thing about you and still loves you is priceless and irreplaceable.

Eventually the butterflies and honeymoon phase is gone and there'd better be something to hold it together.

That you never truly stop caring about them even after you've left.

That you will always wonder what might have been.

I'm not the type of girl who can just sleep with someone, without feeling anything or getting attatched, either. I slept with a coworker of mine in october..and i thought we could hit it off. Nope. I slept with another coworker of mine last friday...and i thought that WE could hit it off because he has alot in common. Nope. I always go and sleep with the guys and then that ruins everything because i have learned that most guys arent going to want a relationship with a girl who "gave it up" so easily.

 

Help?

 

Life is all about learning lessons. We've all made some not so great decisions when it comes to choosing partners. Don't be down on yourself. If you want to change just make a change. Start fresh, and do it for you.

 

Many girls your age think that sex=love. I think you've seen the truth behind that.

 

Don't allow the attention or flattering comments or long phone conversations fool you. NOT ALL MEN, but at your age for the most part, they will say and do just about anything to get in your pants. So don't let them. You have control of this.

 

No regrets, just lessons learned.

Sparkle wants to know where Mr Crazy lives???

 

you are too funny!

The fact that this thread exists is just one more data point that a stigma exists. If you can't agree that it does then we have little common ground to continue.

EXACTLY!!!

i have actually asked because i wanted to know the woman that i am with.

I dont want to know half the woman with half truths. It is pointless if it is full of halves.

I trust she is telling me the truth and she truth that i will handle it. I have dont stupid things in my past, and i mean STUPID but u dont regret it because that is what shaped me to what i am today. If she cant handle that and if i cant handle her past then we had better move on.

Okay, well personally, if I was her and whattheheck asked me "how many" I'd tell him "A lady doesn't tell" and leave it at that. So what if that's her answer, what's he gonna do?? Wonder, question, stress about it......its just better left alone. No good will come of it.

I'm actually quite proud of my conquests.

Me too Hazey!

I think those of you who do say it, are ASHAMED of your past, so it's easier to say that it isn't important.

Whoa honey! That's a little too generally stated, don't you think?

Actually, if a woman I'm in a LTR with has had a lot of partners in the past, I find it kind of flattering. She's dated 100 guys and she chose me to be with. That's a plus in my book.

See, it all has to do with how secure you are with YOURSELF.

Yeah...what she said ^^^^ (michelleth) Unless she was a prostitute...(which shows some character issues) Gee, how many women have YOU slept with? It seems sociatally, it shows a man has "mojo"...if a woman acts the same way...she is considered dirty or bad. And if you two sat at a table and wrote down names, and all the details of your pasts...what would that accomplish? You breaking up. It's crap. People do change...and past behaviors do not always predict the future. Are you just looking for an excuse to break it off?

Amen sister!

Why wait until 8 months in? There is nothing anyone could (or should) do to change their past. If this was so important to you, I can't help but think you should have made it a condition up front.

 

Exactly, why now?

And, if you love her for the woman you know her to be, then who cares? Whatever she has in her past has made her who she is now.

How would you feel if 8 months in to a relationship the woman you loved was questioning your sexual past and might or might not leave you b/c of it? Ouch

I care because i just want to know. They say the past doesn't matter, but it does. I don't want to get really serious with a woman who has been with a lot of guys.

I can understand you wanting to know about her sexual past, but honestly it's none of your business. As long as you know she "clean" and that she's faithful to you, let her past be her past. You should be able to tell what kind of character she has by now. Just because she's never been married doesn't mean she's had a lot of partners. How many serious relationships has she been in? How long did they last? There's some questions you can ask her to give you an idea of a number, if you must know.

Ok so i went ona few dates with this guy.... i came on really really strong and i defintily scared him off and he got pretty cold with me. So i backed off to give him some space and see what happens. I blocked him on msn for a week and didn't contact him at all. Int hat week he didn;t contact me either. Today i unblocked him to see what happened. I got the urge and messaged him saying "hey" he replied saying "hey, i was thinking about you the other day, hows it going"

 

We talked breifly because i had to go. Should i continue to block him or should i try talking to him again?

Since you say you came on so strong at first, I'd leave him alone. Let him come to you now. If he's interested he'll contact you.

honestly honey I'd just let it go. I realize you're angry with him & you want the $...but I don't think its worth it. You're not pregnant right? So let it go.

Hey there....My man and I have been together for 10 months also. But we see each other nearly every day. In the beginning of January he met my mother-very casual/we were moving my stuff into my new house. But I still have not met his parents. I've met his brother and sister, and every one of his friends, but not the parents. He hasn't asked me to meet them either. I'm not going to be the one to ask.

I do know that he loves me, and even though we have our problems, I'm happy with him.

I don't know that this helps, but at least you know you aren't the only one.

I totally agree with you. He can't change his actions. All I want is an explanation and I'm out. I deserve that much. I have already decided that I will not stay no matter what he says.

Well, I got my evidence last night. I asked him directly when he last talked to his ex he said 2 days after New Yrs. LIE!!! I know he talked to her this wknd. So, tonight I'm going to tell him I know he lied, wait for his explanation, and I'm done. B/c there's nothing he can say to make it ok.

michelleth...

 

I would feel the same way. It should be all or nothing..either you are there 100% or you aren't. If you find out the other person isn't and you are...good cause to walk away. It would be nice though if the other person would just tell you that and give you a choice instead of messing with your head and heart.

Amen....when someone cheats, whether it be emotionally or physically, they are taking away choices from the other person in the relationship. Its not fair.

I agree with you. I've never been in this position before, so naturally there is some hesitation.

 

I will hit this subject head on with him imediately and end the relationship. It wouldn't be fair to me to let this go one. You're right - no explanation would be good enough.

I know its hard honey, but just read and re-read your original post if you're having doubts. That should be all you need. I hurts to find out that someone you love isn't what you thought they were. Its disappointing, and disheartening. But its better to know now after only 1 yr then to go on any longer and have it hurt that much more. The members of this forum are amazing, kind and full of knowledge. I know they've been here for me. So post here when you want to call him or need someone to talk to. Good luck

I'm sitting here wondering what's going on. The only thing I really have to go on is that I saw that my b/f called his ex and they talked for a little over 10 mins. But he suspiciously has her programmed in his phone by a number instead of her name. I've had other issues with my b/f and his ex before. I'm praying there's a good explanation to all this. But God so help me, if I had any solid information that he was messing around-and that doesn't just mean physically, I'd erase him from my life forever. And I know it would hurt for a while, but I'd do it.

Oh honey there's your answer. Sexually flirtatious emails? Asking for naked pics?! Denying his relationship with you? All of it visible, unquestionably true??!! DUMP HIM! There's NOTHING in the world he could say to make any of that right. NOTHING.