polandsprings

This is great input (from everyone)... This was never a case of me not wanting to spend time with her, and I'm sorry if you got that impression. I enjoyed the time we spent together and would do it again. We see each other on average about 4 days a week on a normal basis, and I'm not necessarily looking for more "me" time. I was upset at the fact that after having me for a week and a half, that she couldn't let me go for a couple hours that night. I think that's ridiculous. But, your "what if" type looking outside the box question above is some of the additional insight I was looking for. Thank you meantime - I'm from the Boston area as well.

I've been dating a great girl for the past 4 months. However, what transpired recently really opened my eyes and put into perspective things that have been bothering me, and I think I've come to a point where I've had enough. I guess I should begin by mentioning that I'm 28 - with my own home, and she's 23 - still living at home. Over the holiday break (Christmas to New Years), I was on vacation, as was my girlfriend from our jobs. She stayed with me from Friday the December 22nd through New Years Day, which is about a week and a half's time. We spent all of vacation together - doing the holiday thing with our respective families, spending time during the week going out places and doing things, and then we both fell sick over New Years and simply stayed home, ate chinese food and played board and card games. Late morning on New Years Day, one of my friends calls me to ask what I was doing that night and needed some help doing something at their house. I told them I was available. My girlfriend asked me what was up and I told her that I was going over to my friend's house later that night to help them with some computer problems. She got upset saying that she was under the impression that we were going to spend the whole day together. I told her, we have the whole day yet to spend together. I just have something I need to do in the evening / night part of the day. I figured after a week-and-a-half of being together, and her being the complete center of my attention, where a lot of just stuff I need to do and other responsibilities (domestic and otherwise) got neglected, I figured I'd given her more than enough of myself and my time. So, this was about noon-time. I went and took a shower and after this event, I really started thinking about if this is what I really want. Ironically, while in the shower, I heard some rustling going on in the bedroom. After getting out of the shower, I come out to find that she's already packed all her bags and brought them out to her car. I thought that was fairly immature. She ended up going home later that afernoon very unhappy. A couple other points I want to make: * Often times, when we're out and about, if I happen to have my hands in my pockets while walking around, which I frequently do, she like so "take" my arm - (like a bridesmaid being escorted by a groomsman at a wedding). The problem I have with this, is because she so frequently *needs* to do it and also the fact that when she does it, it's not just her relaxingly wrapping her hand around my arm, she takes an incredibly tight grip on the fabric of my sweater or jacket or whatever, like she's clenching a wad of cash. I don't know if those descriptions do justice for what I'm trying to convey. I had pictures I wanted to embed in this thread and found you're not allowed to do that. Anyway... I find it very uncomfortable, because it physically limits my range of motion, and it also seems to be indicative of how "attached" she is to me. I'm pretty much at the point where I want to break things off, because while she is a great girl, we have a good amount in common - I was her first relationship since she broke up with her last boyfriend back in the early summer, and they were together for 4 years; and she was my first relationship since I broke up with my last girlfriend back in March of '06, and we were together for 2.5 years; I don't think she's my best match. After breaking up with my last girlfriend (March 2006), my life took a complete change of direction and I accomplished so many things and had an incredible year, where I found happiness among other things. I resolved to not settle, and wouldn't put myself in a relationship where I wasn't ultimately happy. She has low self-esteem and has a lot of insecurities, and I think those are taking its toll on us. I think I've shown patience and understanding, but I'm finding myself being dragged down by them and other circumstances that are created from her insecurities, such as the fact that she feels threatened by and is jealous of my female friends (all of whom have boyfriends). She's met them all a couple times, we've hung out together, etc. and she still feels the way she does. As great of a girl as she is, and as night and day as this relationship was above the one I got ouf of in March 2006, I find myself unhappy and I realize that I can't save the world either. I don't want to be the focal point of her life. I want to be an important part, but she seems to lack a degree of independence and responsibility that I think comes with age and life experience. I have a multitude of important things in my life - her, my friends, family, my job, exercising, my entrepreneurial endeavors, playing sports, taking care of my new house, and they all have their place and help provide me a very well balanced life. I view this as her being particularly needy / clingy, etc. Am I on the right track? So, after this incredibly long ramble, I'm just looking for some outside input, food for thought if you will, because when you're on the inside, you can miss so much of the obvoius that is seen on the outside, and you don't even need a particularly discerning eye to see it. Thank you for reading.

Here's my situation. I'll try to keep it simple. Basically, I have been close friends with J for 3 years. For the past few months, her relationship of 4 years has been off and on and is currently off and has been for several weeks (they've broken up 3 or so times over the past few months). The dilemma is, I have feelings for J and want to tell her. However, I don't want to come accross strong as in "Oh I'm so in love with you and don't know what I would ever do without you" - as it's not the case. It's your typical crush, where I have feelings for her, desire to grow closer and expand our relationship, potentially pursue things and see where they go should she possibly have similar feelings. I don't know how she feels. I've crushed on her for most of our friendship, never dropped any hints or anything to this point, because she was involved in her relationship. And, I would've rather had her as a friend than taking a chance and screwing our friendship up (esp. during her relationship). I'm having dinner with her later this week and if it 'feels' right, I'm thinking of taking the chance and at least conveying my feelings for her. I was once in this same situation a few years ago with another girl, and when the opportunity was there, I didn't convey my feelings and feel like I lost an opportunity. Before someone else slides in, because my feelings exist, I'm leaning in the direction of telling her how I feel. I'm basically looking for advice, in terms of how I actually phrase things, so that it doesn't feel like I'm coming on strong, and only just conveying to her how I feel. Any input is greatly appreciated.