mokomoko

well im not in the game for dating. im just focusing on my job and improving my life now. but i still love her and i know that my heart can't go anywhere else

My ex and i have been having a real rocky relations so far....... we broke up 6 months ago but have been staying together overseas for those 6 months. She says she wants to get out and meet more people and that i should do the same too. Also because she doesnt feel the same way about me anymore. Communication with her has been pretty rough. We fought alot and she is reluctant to contact me sometimes. But she really wants us to be friends. now i am back home and she is about to leave for overseas again, where we started uni together and lived together. Will she miss me? Will this long separation have a chance to make her rethink us again? She did say to me that whatever happens happens, and if we were to get back together again, let it happen naturally.

Don't worry, its just a form of escapism. Note that she has been stringing you in means she trusts you that you wont get all crazy over it. If she has been doing it in secret it would have been a different story. Have faith in your wife. =)

Maybe I painted her in a very bad light to you guys. Well, the story of how we broke up is this: We were overseas together to study. Through each passing semester, I grew constantly weaker holding the burden of taking care of her, myself, my studies and knowing that my social life is utterly nil. This made me a very broken person and she stood by me the whole while. This in turn I did not help support her also because I was so dissolved in my misery that I couldnt even help myself. So then when we went back home for a holiday, she called it quits because she feels that she has been relying on me too much and she doesnt want to be a hermit and learn how to live independently and not just rely on her boyfriend. She hasn't got much of a life being single for a long time. She broke up with her last boyfriend because he cheated on her and soon after that she got together with me. It lasted a good long 3 years together till we broke up early this year. I understand that she hasn't got the chance to do things as a single young adult having fun and all being in relationships since she was 16 years old. I am accepting that sometimes people need to get out by themselves to learn and grow before they can do other things. She has been awfully reliant on me and I guess she doesn't want to repeat that same mistake again. Thats why she wants to learn and grow by herself. She knows that it wasn't my fault being like that because I couldnt even handle myself to begin with. Money problems, pressure and just ill situation drove us down this pit. This is why she says that she feels that maybe now is just not the right time for us and possibly in the future things can be better for us to work things out again. With that is why she really wants to keep our friendship alive and not lose me entirely. Neither do I want to lose her entirely too. She wouldn't say never again with me because she said she doesnt know what the future holds for us, we will just have to let it be and see what time brings us. thats the story...I hope it clears up any misinterpretations about my first post. I have been trying to improve myself and she also said that I really have improved my state from before and that she is happy that I could. Will remaining close friends have a possiblity of hitting things off again when the time is right? Can a person whom has loved me deeply before, love me again in the future?

Actually what she meant wasnt exactly 'keeping me' as like in reserve. She told me she believes that we do have alot of things together and maybe just maybe things can work out next time, in a better time. She wants me to go out and experience life too because we are young. She doesnt want to be tied down to the same person for the rest of her life and then regret not doing the things she wanted to do when she was young. Thats why she really wants to stay friends with me and be happy with me.

So in anyway now, how do i go around getting her back? I dont care how long it takes but i need to start somewhere...... help!

She told me she doenst expect me to wait for her and she also wants me to grow and experience life on my own. She said just have faith that if we were really meant to be together, it will happen again. Thats why she want to strongly stay friends and keep us happy with each other so that there will be a possibility for things to happen again. She told me that if she forced her way and be together with me now, it might just ruin anything that may happen in the future. She also said soemtimes she really wishes she met me later in life when we have done all those things that we needed to do as young adults and are more stable in life because I am someone to her whom she deems special. I really love this girl and I know she really does feel that we are worth much more than this. i just really need strength.........help

it has been 6 months since i broke up with my gf. The thing is, during that 6 months we have been staying together because we are studying overseas. We stay in separate rooms now. She has just went home for a holiday and i will be leaving for home too in 2 weeks time. Here is the situation. Since we broke up, she has been acting really cold to me because she is unsure of what things to do and she doesn't want to throw mixed signals. Fast forward 2 months, we moved to a new house with separate rooms and slowly from there things have been looking better. We talk in less negative conversations, we laugh more together and do lots of things together (i cook dinner for her almost everyday, we go shopping, we help each other study, we go out to have fun, etc). One day I slept in her room with her after a long night of clubbing (no sex just sleeping together). There were even days where she felt abit scared because she had a bad dream she would come over to sleep with me. There was once I asked if I could sleep with her again, she told me it was inappropriate and we shouldnt be doing it. Fast forward a few weeks. Things between us have been looking rather fine and dandy. We are happy with each other not the other way. It started when we watched movies late at night in my room because we have nothing to do, then she sleeps over in my room. And soon after numerous times of that, she actively comes over and brings her things to sleep with me in my room. And it stuck that way till she left for home a few days ago. I dont know im really confused, why would she do the thing that she didnt want me to do because it was inappropriate. Why would she do that? At first she didnt let me hug her long ago, then now even if I wrap my arms and press my body against her she is ok with that. She would cuddle together with me to sleep. Why wouldnt she choose to go back to her room to sleep when she said all this was inappropriate? Also to add pain to my heart, she has been in contact with this guy back home that likes her. Her argument is that she wants to meet and date new people and experience life on her own. And also she doesnt feel the spark in our relationship anymore thats why she ended it 6 months ago. The thing is, she told me that she deeply cares for me and said that she is just following her instincts on what is best for her at the moment. She told me she has a gut feeling that she wants to keep me for the future, thats why she has been trying her best to keep things between me and her good and positive. She told me to understand her actions that she wants to experience life differently and have faith that if God intended us to be together, things can work out again. She says maybe its just not the right time for us to be together and also she wants to meet more people in her life first. She told me not to meddle with things and just let things happen by themselves as it is more natural. Does she really still keep me having faith that if things were meant to be it will work out? I really love her and I want the best for her, but I know that I will hurt alot to see her date others. But i really want to wait because i know my love for her runs really deep. She is coming back overseas to finish her last 8 months of study and I would already have completed and will be working back home. I plan to keep in contact with her via slow mail (because i know thats more personal and she likes those things). I do not want to give up on her and I will readily stand by her side no matter what. I need advice!

well yea that is basically what she is saying... she told me to move on and if anything happens it happens. I have this gut feeling that she is still wanting to save something but she only wants it to be real and not forced, wanting it to happen naturally. Or else why would she even bother to stick with me and be nice to me even when i did annoy or irritate her and even care? Why does she still wear things that is a reminder or a symbol of what we are? i don't know but i guess i will know in time. Guess that only thing that can do something about anything is me. If you want to make the world a better place you gotta look at yourself and make that change. hahahahah guess its just that. thanks alot everyone.

I am trying my very best to. She told me she wants to start from the beginning again - As friends. She also said that she wants things to come naturally especially her feelings for me; she doesnt want to force anything and complicate her already burdening worries of her academic troubles. She also said that I definitely am still an option in her life but wants things to just naturally happen. If it happens it happens. I am just really cheesed about other people chasing her and i know I shouldnt let it get in my way. Whats up with her is only between me and her and not anyone else. But i can say it is very hard to do just that. But im willing to try. But one thing. Is it even remotely possible to steer things in your favour? I mean, I know that even fate needs a little bit of nudging to move in a certain direction. Things don't 'just happen', everything always needs a catalyst. and im not going to just sit there and wait for things to fall in my lap.

she told me not to hold on to the past. She wants me to move on and do the things that i want to do to be a new person. She said that if anything were to happen in the future, it would be a fresh start. She wants me to focus on the now (finishing whatever else that is important in our lives). What she also told me is that she finds that being with me, she made herself forget about spending time with her family and friends, and lost touch with her studies and only wants to spend time with me. This in turn made her feel that she has lost some of the other important things in her life and now wants to fix them. I myself am trying my best to fix myself, have fun and focus on the other important things in my life. Slowly but surely i know i am improving from what i was before. That i can proudly say is true. What my plan of action is; is to focus on myself, improve my self being and quality of life, but also in turn try to be happy with or without her. She fell out of love for me in the last few months and i know that if she loved me so much before, i know she can love me again. These things take time and do not happen overnight. As far as i know it, she really wants to not lose me. I can see it in her actions and her choice of words when she talks. Its just weird. Sometimes when i touch her or hold her lovingly and i ask her if its ok. She replies "its just not appropriate". I know if she didnt like it at all she would shun me all the time. Does that mean she still does miss my touch? I have 5 months together with her overseas and i really want to make the best out of it. I want to enjoy my stay here (which i never did before) and also do new and happy things together with her. I know that if we enjoy each other's company, she would definitely miss me when im gone. Im not sure whether what i am doing is right but i know the first step to getting her back is improving myself. Is it even possible to subconsciously steer her in the direction that favours me in the course of 5 months? Is it possible that her feelings can change for me again within this period? How do u woo her indirectly whilst keeping a comfortable line and not making her frustrated or annoyed? thanks for all your help guys.

one night when i sort of initiated low contact (not talking much, going out by myself, etc....) i came back to the room with her crying (we are living in the same room as for now due to accommodation cirrcumstances). I talked to her and held her like i used to and for that night surprisingly she wanted me to hold her again to sleep. She apologised many times over about hurting me and causing me to slip into depression over the past 3 months and told me about all the worries that she has. I assured her that i will still take care of her whilst we are here overseas as we only have each other here. She told me that maybe we should know each other better as friends first and maybe it wasnt the right time for us. After that night, we started having better communication, we laughed and played games together, and (im not sure) she let me care about her physically (touching her which she never let me whilst after our break up) She became less defensive about her stances when i did talk about us, and what our current situation is. I am not sure what is happening but all i can say is i am very happy that we can talk, laugh and have fun together again. I really want to make things right and i do not want to lose her. Please advise me on this....i am currently pretty confused about what is happening.

Thanks alot Max for your reply..... She says she couldnt find the longing feeling, the love for me again. Thats the real reason why she broke up with me. But i know deep down inside its all those hard to handle circumstances that may have built up the walls inside her. I know she still cares about me. She still takes care of me doing simple things like pouring water for me, getting medicine and checking to see if im feeling ok or not (im down with a cough now) I also know she is trying really hard to stay friends with me. Everytime i get all upset and disillusioned i ask her things about our break up, how it would be in the future, dont close me in....etc; she will get annoyed but will try her best to treat me with respect and talk to me normally. I know i musnt be pushy and i musnt annoy her. Its just that these last few days of being forced to be with her all the time is really killing me. I miss her so much. And she is SO CLOSE yet.....so far away. She also put it in a way that we should move on, and if we do fall in love again, it will be falling in love with the more matured us, a new us, and start a fresh. She wants to move forward not stay stuck in the past she says. I don't want to give up on her. She is something so special to me and i wont just let it go like that. We didnt have any sickening problems in our relationship and i can say that i am very happy that we didnt end up hating each other after the break up. I really want to at least try to wait it out and do things to enhance our friendship eventhough im not sure how to. At least if i die, i die trying.

I have been with this girl for 3 years. We studied in the same college, graduated together, and then went to the same uni overseas together. We stayed together in the same room for that period. But then a problem started. We had less and less intimacy, and over the last year, she said she has been trying hard to find her feelings, her drive to be with me. She did also say that it is nothing i did and nothing bad that actually happened. We were always loving and caring, just that she fell out of love; maybe from the lack of communication. Recently after last christmas, all that she wanted to salvage she said cant be found anymore, her feelings were dead. She wanted out but broke up with me gently because she still wants us to be friends. I was devastated and fell into depression. To me i suspected that because we were away from family and friends, and also bored out of our heads overseas, could have affected our relationship. We started to find things to do but it decreased our communication. She didnt tell me during that period that she was having this burden. I too was feeling depressed because of homesickness and lack of social activities. So to say i was too caught up in my own misery i didnt think of how she felt. She also said that being in the relationship, worrying about all, made her studies go down and now she has to make sure she has no distractions to complete uni. she has to extend her stay for another 6 months to complete. After we broke up i fell into hell of 2 months trying to fix myself. But the thing is, after those 2 months, we would be flying back together overseas to finish our education. This has been really hard on me knowing that she is so close yet so far. She asked if i still wanted to stay together only now in separate rooms, i said yes of course. She still treats me with respect and i know that she cares about me but only as a friend. I really want to treat her as a friend but im finding it so hard not to. She still wears the ring we have worn since we were together. I asked her why does she still wear it. She told me first thing; out of habit, second; because she likes the ring; third; because it has meaning and significance to her, a symbol of what we had together. She wants me to move on in life and be happy again and see what else does life have in store for me. But i just cannot let go of her because i find her worth everything. Lately i also found out that after we broke up, she has been seeing a few friends lately, and there is this guy whom likes her alot and is pursuing her. I asked her to be honest about everything. She told me she likes him abit but is not going to pursue anything. Its driving me crazy when i saw all the lovey dovey messages he sends her each night. She told me she wont do anything and she wont close any doors. She got upset and told me why cant she date other guys casually, we are not together anymore and i dont own her. She too said that for us, she doesnt know what will happen in the future, whether we might be again or not, it is uncertain. She said she is not going to shut me off and will just take life as it comes. And she stressed that i move on and just be friends for now because she doesnt want to lose me as a friend, and neither do i. She doesnt want to promise me anything because she doesnt want to lead me on and give me hope. She wants me to move on. Now we are together back overseas, studying to finish our education. We live in separate rooms but basically only have each other is this foreign country. I find it so hard not to be intimate and loving towards her. I want to move on but still hold on to her. I know its contradictory but i really want to wait for her and see what time gives us but at the same time keep other options open. I know being away with her now is an opportunity for me to work on myself and try to be friends with her again and be happy hanging out with each other. Its really hard because i see her everyday. And currently for the next 10 days we are forced to sleep together in the same bed due to accommodation problems. Trying not to do anything intimate whilst sleeping right beside her is really killing me inside. Im also really phased by that guy who keeps pursuing her even when she is over here. I know long distance relationships are hard and she is going to be stuck overseas for at least another year. Half of that year she will be spending it with me. All im wondering is, could there be a remote possibility that us being in the same vicinity arise feelings again for each other? Can working on the friendship lead us to love each other again? Is there a even a possibility that she will change her decision? Can I do anything that can improve our situation? Like do new things together and try to rekindle back feelings? Can I do anything to try and get her back? Will time heal us? Will me changing back to the person whom she once loved make a difference? Is there even hope. i really really love her and i cannot bear to see her disappear from my life just like that without any second chances. Anyone can spare some advice? Thank you in advance.