Spawn

thanks all, i am somehow trying very hard not to get emotional this time and break this NC. do your ex's wish you people on your birthdays or christmas or new year or any other occasions? how do you feel if they call up.....next month its my bday, what if she calls up....man thats gonna flair things up again if incase am not over with it by then. I will try to keep it as casual as possible but i dunno what will come out of it. It will be good if she doesn't call up, i hope she forgets how to use a mobile or a phone in particular or just forget my bday, now that would be great.

its just over 1 week of last contact(thru email on Jan 14th) from her, i had posted my relationship with a girl not long time back. i dunno if everybdy feels like this but i have thought obout NC dunno how long can i hold on to it. i have to, just dunno when things are gonna change and when i would stop counting the days. the silence from her side and mine is eatin my brains out sometimes. I do try to keep myself busy but the thoughts keep coming back. It was just a 4 months relationship but we got very close to eachother.During the datin thing, i think she had all those faith, trust and belief in me n viceversa. She shared lots of her family secrets with me and even of her first boyfriend, and i don't think any girl would do that with a guy unless they are very close.But seein her love for her first boyfriend i had to sacrifice my feelings for her.i won't go into the details as such.... its all there in my previous post. Puttin it down again itself makes me feel like goin back and it makes me feel like i am the one who was guilty of leaving her. My friends are tryin to put some sense in my head by sayin u just had a 4 months relationship imagine people breaking off after 4 or even 8 years of being together, they are right that sometimes do make me feel stupid but i still go back to thinkin of how close we got to know each other and its no more now. i have deleted her from messenger but in hotmail and yahoo the contacts are still there...should i delete them too? with all those spam filters and the junk mail filters i only get mails from my contact lists....eeh man feel so confused.

Thanks....its just that now and then i get all those feelings, am kinda sentimental, otherwise its going fine. just the feelin of whether i acted maturely, and guess i did.

crap i accidently sent some messages to her in yahoo msgr......although it was directed to others. and then i said sorry and wished her and her 1st boyfriend a good life together....crap.This is not good man. I think i shud have deleted her from IM.....well there are always different ways to mess up things, and i am Mr.Mess now.

Hello, just four months back i happen to chat with a girl, exchanged our phone numbers and talked for about a month, metup and finally i proposed her, she accepted and we dated for 2 months. We had a pretty on and off relationship, we had 5 five break offs between us. When i look back i feel that was all for stupid reasons all from her side though.She was the one who always backed off. Her family is pretty screwed up too. Her father keeps on arguin with her for not gettin a job and sittin at home idle.He apparently in a fit of anger told her that she is not his daughter and she was really hurt by that.Its not that she wasn't tryin, she did get a job but there was some incident at that office because of which she had to leave it on my advice.We did have a talk over it. but she now regrets that decision. She had a boyfriend who happen to be very dominating, protective, obsessive kind of in nature and would get physical with her on some occasion, so they broke off. That was 10 months back Well during this datin thing...we got so close to each other that it became very difficult to us to let go of each other after she said she is backin off cause of me takin it too seriously by talkin to her mom and she scared of commitment. Well i said fine i ain't gonna force her into any relationship....but then her first boyfriend returns and both of them try it out once more only to find that he has changed a lot and he thinks i used her up and now left her. he doesn't trust her any more. Anyways, since i got so close to her, i kind of got a lil concern for her health and mental thing......so both of us agreed to be good friends and take things one day at a time and if things work out later we would look at it once again. i said fine lets concentrate on our careers for the moment. We were both not gettin jobs and kept on talkin each and every day. Then one fine day her 1st boyfriend started it again.....he says he trusts her now and that she is only angry with him and he wants to get back although she is not interested. But this guy is pretty rich and a dude too, has steady decent job. He is gonna talk to her dad and its gonna get serious if he agrees. in all this she says to me that he is her first boyfriend and she has a soft corner for him still and he did all wrong things to her cause he loved her. Apparently she thinks he is not that bad guy anymore. Well, she says she likes to talk to me and says it was a mistake on her part to accept my proposal since she felt i was more of a friend to her and there were not any sweet memories between us and that she had loads of such memories with her first boyfriend. Anyways, she still kept talkin to both us and now she says both of us are acting sweet and she wants both of us to backoff. She keeps on talkin of her 1st boyfriend and why she broke off with me....stuff like that. She said that she doesn't love me but just likes talking to me and that other guy is still very faithful to her and wants to be with her in these bad times of her since she was also there when he was goin thru a bad patch, at that point i felt that she is plainly ignorin all my feelings towards her. I was like thinkin where the heck is this goin then, i always got hurt the way she used to talk about him and how nice his family had been to her. Anyways i really felt like she has a big soft corner for him and she still loves her first boyfriend and that somebody had to sacrifice his or her feelings to move on life......i felt like being no where and stuck with a girl who didn't want me. She did return allmost all of her gifts to her first boyfriend but i still felt she loves him very much and she always said she just wanted a friend in me.But i couldn't stay on, i couldn't see her with other guy and it hurts me the way she talks about her 1st boyfriend. I finally gave her a call asked her whether it was right on my part to pursue this or just back off since i also felt hurt that she was stuck with 2 guys and i really felt she was confused.She hung up on me and didn't call back. I think she didn't want to talk at all. So i finally emailed her sayin i can't see her suffer like this and that i am sacrificing all my feelings and i wished her well for the future. i felt very bad and miserable after that but still tried to keep myself busy, she didn't reply or call for 2 weeks and then finally she sent me a mail saying she doesn't know why i backed off or dump her. And that there r lot of guys out there and am not the only one. She doesn't care a least about what my feelings where for her, whether i cared or not.Her phone got disconnected for not payin up dues and her bad days still continue and that i am running away from her. I did sent her mail back why i am doin this again but i think she ain't respondin to me again. Guess thats the end of it. But after seein her mail.....i am having second thoughts about the whole backing off thing. Its been now 3 weeks no contact whatsoever and i have already enrolled for a cisco ccnp training which will start on Monday. was i right in my decision to back off? I can't get in and get out of a relationship like that, the way she did.....i know it will be hard to getover this. Just don't feel like dating anymore. I do feel like i deserted her at very bad times in her life. Because she told me all about her friends who backstabbed her and i feel i am one of them now. Please Help.....Thanks