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leelee123

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Everything posted by leelee123

  1. leelee123
    It was me that was checking up. He found that I wrote an address that he had looked up on a post - it, actually to ask him about it and interpreted it the wrong way. We are good now, actually got engaged over the weekend and talked through it all.
  2. leelee123
    We were away skiing and he did it Friday night in our room. He got down on one knee, it was so special. I will never forget that moment and how happy I was/am. He asked my dad's permission and our families couldn't be happier. It really is just perfect. Im going to continue the therapy b/c I can feel the benefits already. She doesn't think I will need to go for too long, but already I feel like I see the world and my relationshp through a different (more clearer) set of eyes. Thank you
  3. leelee123
    I just wanted to share that I got engaged last weekend We were away skiing when he popped the question. I know my past posts have been about my trust issues and whatnot, but after a few therapy sessions, its determined that its self-esteem, which I am working on and feel better already. I feel so blessed to have him and know that he is going to stand by me no matter what happens. Thanks to everyone for your kind words of advice.
  4. leelee123
    Things are already getting better actually. I can tell he's still a little mad (or was the last of it last night) but thats ok, I deserve it. He is back to future talk too, I really do think it was an outburst of feelings he had over the past few months. He needed to get it out and now that he has and I realize what I need to do, I think we will be stronger and better in the long run. Therapy last night was great. I already feel better. I love my therapist too, she's so easy to talk to and very positive that I can "fix" these issues I am having a lot easier than I thought I could. I really felt good when I left her office. And the BF is very proud of me for going and so supportive --I think he sees how serious I am about putting these issues to rest and being the best person I can be. I think everything is going to be great. Im very optimistic about it all.
  5. leelee123
    He came home last night, gave me a hug and said we would give it another try. He said he was "hesitant" about it but loved me and wants it to work. Then he acted pretty normal after wards. The "hesitant" kind of bothered me, but a guy friend I talked to thinks that its just him still harboring some mad/hurt feelings and his "way" of saying he isn't going to apologize. And he didn't apologize for anything he had said the night before. I did ask if he meant all of those things, and he said to me "well what did I say again?". Didn't even remember. I think they were out of anger, very extreme anger. I had never seen him like that. We are still going away this weekend too. I left it up to him and he was talking about it last night as if nothing happened. Its really good, and I actually have my first therapy session tonight. I guess I tend to dwell on things and am still a little shaken and I am totally amazed at how he is. I really dont understand men sometimes.
  6. leelee123
    thanks for the kind words and advice. It helps. and I do think he's cooling down.
  7. leelee123
    I just told him no pressure about this weekend, its his decision and to call me at lunch if he's up to it. I also said I love you, he replied with an "I love you too" then said "but im still hurt/mad" i'll see how tonight goes, and if he's still distant with me i will go to my parents to give him space. in the meantime i have some cleaning and sleep i could surely catch up on. thank you again
  8. leelee123
    but after some talking i stayed and told him I could fix things. He says he's not sure he believes me. I dont know what to think.
  9. leelee123
    If tonight its not better, I will go stay with my parents. we had plans for a romantic weekend away. I think we need it, haven't been away in sooo long, but he doen't seem to want to go.
  10. leelee123
    And doesn't have faith that I can fix it. I know I can, b/c I didn't always have these issues. It was an old BF and maybe something else that did it. I just need some prof help burying that stuff to move forward. I've really changed so much , for the better. He really was adament last night that we were over, then I ended up talking and I stayed. He's still upset today. I know he's just really mad and needs to cool it, but he's not sure he can go back to being the way we were. could this just be his emotions? I know he loves me and wants us to work. This is terrible.
  11. leelee123
    I posted here yesterday about seeing a therapist about my trust issues and yesterday my boyfriend was very supportive. Well I came home from work and he was upset and nearly crying. He saw that on Sunday I looked in the computer. I saw that He had googled my grandparents (not by looking at history, googled keeps your searches in the search bar) and honestly I thought he was going to talk to my dad..possibly about proposing ( I didn't tell him that). Anyways, I wrote down the address he had mapquested..b/c it was wrong and was going to say something. I totall forgot about it until he found it and freaked out. He says he feels like I cheated on him. I've been NOT checking up on him for quite some time, and dont really feel that I was the other day. I was happy he was trying to go talk to my dad. I really was. I dont know how to convince him of this. At first he wanted me to leave, we talked and I stayed. I told him I could prove to him that I do trust him and was seeking help. Now he's barely talking to me and im afraid I've lost him. I dont know waht to do. I called in from work today b/c i just couldn't deal, and I hardly slept. He told me that he loves me and wants this to work, he just isn't sure I can fix it. I have already fixed it, I feel like this is a misunderstanding, although i can see why. How do I make this better. I've been soo good the past 6 months or so and now this makes that all go away. Ugh
  12. leelee123
    I am the "lead" rep so they all come to me instead of her b/c she just asks stupid questions and makes them duplicate their efforts. In that respect, I feel good b/c I know the "little people" (for lack of a better term) respect me and think Im good at what I do. Im on the lookout and actually workign with a recruiter too. So between that and some therapy sessions, hopefully i'll be feeling better in no time.
  13. leelee123
    My boss is kind of stupid, she askes me questions all of the time and micro manages b/c she's afraid to let her employees make decisions. Its like im confined 8 hours a day to her ignorance. Really taking a toll on me mentally.
  14. leelee123
    But you are right, I am looking for "validation" from him which is silly. I need to figure out a way to validate myself. And he is so doting and loving , amazing really. Im scared to lose him so I need to make things better. I've never cared more about someone in my life.
  15. leelee123
    We have been fighting lately often. It goes in spurts. I dont think that he will "do " anything, but the though of him talking to other girls really bothers me. I do know that he is so frustrated though and that makes me feel bad. I dont want to lose him, but if I were in his position, I would definitely think of leaving me. He says he wants to work on this stuff with me and supports everything I do. Im lucky in that sense. Sometimes when he's out with his friends, I think he will meet someone "better" or more interesting than me. Then he comes home and I ask him "loaded " questoins. Its stupid. I do think the job thing has something to do with it. I wish I made more money and felt like my skills and brain were being used. Right now its too robotic for me. Im so dynamic and my mind is ALWAYS working. I get bored easily. I do think that being hurt in the past was harmful for me. I have such a hard time just letting it all go and not overthinking things. Deep down I do trust him , I just think if I felt better about myslef, I wouldn't question that he really really wants to be with me. Which I know he does! Its like a vicious cycle.
  16. leelee123
    Customer service really, but I manage accounts so it's a little higher level. Its my boss and my department though. Totally micro managed. I hate it. I want to train and have some experience, but not enough. Thats the tough part. I should go back to school I guess Im just scared to.
  17. leelee123
    Could totally be responsible for my depression. I definitely feel like I might be. Im just in a funk. I guess that makes sense and my boyfriend does understand that. I think it just frustrates him b/c all he wants is a healthy relationship with me.
  18. leelee123
    All of your responses are so warm and re-assuring. Thank you they brought a smile to my face. Firstly, I think its the job and I have been trying to make that change. I've been on so many interviews the past 6 months and no offers which makes me feel worse. I do feel like I am "not worthy" of someone who has their life together so much. He really does, I admire that about him the most, yet wish I could be the same way. The trust is from past relationships and probobly something that happened to me when I was very young. I probobly dont need to spell it out. About 5 years ago I was head over heals in love with someone that totally broke my heart, and maybe I never gave myself time to heal , I kind of jumped into another relationship, that wasn't healthy, at all. And this guy, "saved" me from that and we've been together ever since. He is wonderful, he really is. I dont want to lose him so im doing this. I also want to feel "good" about myself. He's very supportive and I know he would come with me at some point. I know he would. Its just hard I guess b/c I've always been the "strong" one and maybe that has caught up with me. I dont start for 2 weeks now, but will keep you all posted. And if I "inspired" one person to do the same, well it feels worth it already
  19. leelee123
    And is affecting my relationship. I am almost 30, boyfriend is 32 and we talk about marriage all of the time. We live together and mostly have a great relationship. Problem is me, I give him such a hard time about things, going out with his friends, etc. Im very unhappy at my job and I think its affecting me everywhere else. Anyways, I just made an appointment with a therapist b/c I think I need to talk to someone. I feel weird about it but I think it'll be good for me and for my relationship.
  20. leelee123
    And it was 53, granted it was over a span of at least 15 years, but that bothered me so much. Whenever we go out and run into a girl he knows, I can't help but wonder if she's one of them. I ve gotten over it b/c I love him, and honestly Im not angel either. I think accepting someone with a past can be difficult to do, but you have to focus on the present and the future and as long as there is trust... Oh and yes, we were both tested before we slept together.
  21. leelee123
    I know he finds me attractive, blah blah. Hmm maybe he's thinking of Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!! ewww LOL j/k Thanks
  22. leelee123
    And have gone a few times, and planned a ski trip, so thats good. I try to get him to go walking in the cold b/c I go sometimes and he wont. Im trying , I really am. I found the best is to not nag, but to be supportive and motivate as much as possible. Baby steps
  23. leelee123
    I do know he's very very uncomfortable with himself, and is trying to take better care. Im the opposite, work out all the time, eat healthy, size 4... He was in good shape then got comfortable. Anyways, thanks Im trying to motivate him and cooking healthier, trying to get him to join a gym and once the nice weather hits (we are in the northeast) we'll do the walks outside. Makes sense though. I guess I would feel the same way.
  24. leelee123
    See thats the thing, I know how I feel, but dont completely know how he feels. And I want to think that, but part of me can't help but question. Maybe thats an insecurity on my part. I have tried talking and sometimes he does look me in the eye. Maybe its me over-reacting at nothing and just needing to hear another guy's feedback.
  25. leelee123
    Sometimes when my boyfriend and I are having sex he wont look me in the eye. He always likes the lights out, which I know is b/c he has body issues (he's put on a lot of weight lately and is very conscious of it). Anyways, we have a great relationshp otherwise but this REALLY bothers me. Sometimes I feel like its not me he's having sex with, just my body. Make sense? Anyways, I've talked to him about it, and he says its nothing and he loves me. I know guys think of other women, and thats normal. It just turns me off sometimes b/c I feel like its too obvious. I dont question his love for me, at all, and I think he has some intimacy issues where he' s not 100% confortable with himself which could account for some. I dunno, is this normal?
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