veilofdarkness

So I started dating one of my best friends a few months ago after both of us having feelings for each other for a long time. I love him to death. We click like noone else I have ever met. We never fight. Then one day, he just randomly calls it off, saying that he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. He cried and begged me to remain his friend as he did it, saying that I was the only girl who truly knew him and he just couldn't lose me, that I mean too much. He says that he's still interested. He says that he just wants us both to get our lives together and maybe then we can start a relationship someday (we're both going through really difficult times right now). However, I don't know how to act now. There's still a lingering akwardness and he suggested the friends with benefit thing, but I am not down with that. It's hard though. Here I am sharing his life with him. I am the one he turns to with all of his deepest concerns and private thoughts and feelings. He and I tend to be the only people who really hear and get each other when we're out with other people. We get sucked into our own little world and everyone else seems to just fade out. I love him so much. I know he still has feelings for me. It's in the way he acts and looks at me. He stares at me constantly and always is paying attention to every word and every action I make. He's kind of a commitmentphobe so that's an issue too. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am 100% grateful for our friendship. Our friendship alone is so awesome. However, it's hard to have someone tell you they still have feelings for you and watch them back out because they're scared and they don't want to hurt you because they're scared. Plus it's hard to not hold him or touch him or kiss him anymore. I don't know. I just wish how to feel more comfortable with all of this.

So, after 2 months of NC.. here I am wondering what is going on yet again. For those who don't know, this guy and I were friends for a year dated 3-4 months, and he broke up with me. Then, he stopped talking to me for four months. We became friends again. Everything seemed fine for a couple of months. Then one day out of the blue when I call (after he blew a kiss at me and after hanging out with me earlier that week) he screams at me and says, "Stop calling me b****". So, I do stop calling. I have seen him a few times since then, but look the other way and pretend he's not there because if he doesn't want me calling, then he definitely doesn't want to hold a conversation with me anywhere else. So, the other day I am waiting for a cab outside of the grocery store. I catch the sight of him out of the corner of my eye. I follow my first instinct to look straight down at my shoes. When I look up he's looking straight at me. He says, "Hey, what's up." In complete emotional shock... I just stand there while pieces of my heart shatter on the ground and all I can come up with is a half-hearted smile and a little wave and an almost whispered "hey". I am so confused. He screams at me for no reason and calls me a name, after I have been nothing but understanding, forgiving him for ripping me to shreds, leading me on, and believing him when he said that we were friends again. Now, two months later he is saying hello again. I mean he's pulled things mildly like this before (minus the name calling... just disappearing basically), but I don't get it. I want to ask him why.... I want to shake him and say, "What are you doing!? Make up your mind! Hate me, love me, be my friend, but stop picking me up and throwing me down over and over... I am not a toy!" Anyway... just needed to rant.

The best revenge is no revenge. If you seek revenge it shows that you care. The most hurtful thing an ex can do to any other ex is move on like it was nothing. Even if they broke up with you, no one wants to believe that they are easy to get over. So kill two birds with one stone, move on and enjoy your life and that is revenge enough on your ex.

I have decided not to call. If he ever decides he wants to explain himself he can call and apologize. That's assuming that I want to hear it by then. He will grow up someday and hopefully realize the proper way to treat people.

So my ex and I were friends after he broke up with me and everything was cool for like 3 months. We had hung out and talked. He skated by me and blew me a kiss one night. So, I call him to invite him to go to the fair with me and a couple of friends. He picks up the phone and screams at me, "Stop calling me * * * * *." I was completely caught off guard since we had hung out and talked and he never seemed uncomfortable about it. Plus I hadn't really called with the exception of one time prior in the month. So, needless to say I haven't called since. It's been 31 days. I don't know why he started to feel hostility towards me. It makes no sense. I never did anything to him and as far as I know we were on good terms (or at least that's what he said). I haven't stopped missing him yet though. I still think about him every day. We have mutual friends so I hear about him frequently (even though they all agree he did me wrong). They'll post new pics on their websites and it breaks my heart when I run accross one with him in it. I just wish I could understand. I wanted to ask him why he hates me now, but he said "stop calling me * * * * *" so I did what he asked. No point trying to reason with someone who obviously despises me now. I just wish I would forget him and it would stop hurting.

Oh... sorry I took you wrong. I just don't know how to bring it up. He boke up with me and we're in the middle of building a friendship. I just am afraid to mess up everything by asking.

I can't see where there is any shock at all. We hang out... we run into each other. We are not your typical "I hate you" exes. We were hanging out at his house just the other night as a matter of fact. We just haven't gotten to the point where we hang out one on one yet. He wouldn't be wondering why I was within a block of his house. He knows where I am heading when I am out of that way. He knows I am not hanging around his house or his street for the purpose of just being there. His street is a cross street to a main street. He lives on the corner. It is just there... I along with hundreds of other people have to pass it daily. You make it sound like I am a stalker or something. I was just wondering if people had insight into whether it sounds like he might like me or not. Obviously I would need to talk to him about it to find out for sure because noone here is him or can tell me what he thinks. It is human nature to try to find comfort or answers in others, so I am asking other people. Either way, why be do harsh about it?

No no no... you are reading into this wrong...he and I are cool. We have agreed to be friends. We were friends for a year before we dated. We talk sometimes. I don't hang around his house, it's just on the way to alot of things. We live at a small beach, so we run into each other quite often. I am still in love with him. I am unhappy with the break up. I am not sure if he is happy with it or not. It's a long story.

So I was walking up to the bar last night. I passed his (my ex's) street (unavoidable, it's on the way) ... His house is on the corner and as I pass it, he skates past me and blows me a kiss. Then, I turn around and ask him what he's doing. He tells me that he is going to bed. So he went inside and I run into two of our mutual friends accross the street. I am standing talking to them and every couple of minutes.. he stares out his window at me. So, I am not sure whether or not the kiss he blew was sincere or sarcastic... and I am not sure if he was looking out his window to check me out or because he didn't want me accross the street from his residence. We've hung out and talked before a week ago, he stared at me all night and we had a few coversations. I am not sure what to think and I am afraid to ask.

Hmmm... well from the time we broke up, I have told him that I missed him and that he was one of the most awesome people I have ever met. I am currently on the road to building a friendship with him and hope it will turn into more. If I could tell him all I wanted to say , it would probably go a little something like this: "I really miss you. I am not sure what went wrong between us, but I would like to rectify any mistakes I made. When I was with you, it was the happiest I have ever felt in my whole life. You made me feel like I could be myself and that I was special and wonderful. You were there for me when I needed someone the most. I enjoy everything about you, down to the way you look when you are hung over in the morning. I love our conversations and your smile and your laugh. You have the most awesome sense of humor of anyone I have ever known. I would consider myself extremely lucky to have you by my side. We had a great thing once and if you could just tell me where I went wrong, there is nothing I wouldn't do to improve upon it and to work towards making you happy everyday. Even if you don't feel the same way, I would like for us to be friends like we used to be. I care about you a lot and I just want you to be part of my life. I want to be there for you and be soemone you can count on. I just want you to be happy, even if it's not with me." The problem is, I can't say those things. If anything, saying all of that would be counterproductive. All I can do is slowly work toward friendship and hope. Sometimes I see a spark between us, but being impatient and pushy won't get me anywhere. It's all part of the waiting game.

SO, to start out let me give you a little background information. My ex boyfriend (20) and I (22)were friends for a year. He helped me through an abusive realtionship and when I got out of it, we started dating. We dated for three months. Things were more wonderful than I could have imagined. I had fallen in love with him over the course of our friendship and after we got together, my feelings only got deeper. So, right as everything is perfect between us, he backs out and tells me that he just wants to be friends for now, that he felt rushed, and that he just wasn't looking for a relationship. I also had an inkling that he was upset that I was still trying to be friends with my ex (my ex and I have known each other 9 years) or that is what his friend hinted to me. I was crushed and there were a lot of hard feelings. I was angry because he knew I had been hurt and if he didn't want a relationship with me, he shouldn't have started one since he knew what I had been through over the past few years. Over a period of four months, we didn't talk much. Then, I ran into him one day and asked him why he wasn't talking to me anymore. We discussed it and he said that he thought I hated him and that I didn't want to talk to him. So we got past the miscommunication and decided to be friends. I had run into him a couple of times and we would hug and have short conversations. Then, I went to a show last week and he came up and gave me a hug and he stared at me for the whole evening. It was like he had to make sure that I was paying attention to what he was doing all night and was showing out. I was guilty too because I smiled brighter and laughed louder than I normally do ( I was doing it to convey the message that I can be happy when we are not together and that things will be ok if we are friends). I didn't follow him around all night, as not to seem desparate. Things went well. We had a few small coversations and he gave me a hug before I left. I hung out with him and a group of people last night and there was still some akwardness, but it still went well and we laughed together. However, despite all of this, we never really have one on one time and he doesn't really talk to me on the phone. I don't know if he is afraid to be alone with me or not. He has alot of intimacy issues and bad childhood experiences that I think feed into his fear of relationships. I wonder if it isn't the fact that he really likes me that made him separate from me when things were going the best they ever had (or maybe that is my dellusional wishful thinking). When we were togetehr he was constantly praising me for how different, wonderful, and beautiful I was. He also opened up to me and had mentioned the fact that he didn't know why, but he felt he could talk to me. Anyway, the fact that he was staring at me all night that night or that he hugs me still gives me a spark of hope. I love him very much and I was just wondering if anyone had any insight into how I could bring our relationship closer, so even if there is no chance for reconcilliation, we could get back the wonderful friendship that we shared before. I just want him to be part of my life. I have a little of his attention now and I don't want to lose it by messing up some how and if possible I would like to improve upon it.