nuts

i can understand that. soon i'll be moving out and then i wont have to fear living with a family who dont approve of my way of life. at least at this age i have that option. holdmetightly, im sorry that you're in such a compromising situation. you have a couple years to go before you can truly be independent and lead a life you choose. that must really suck for you. ive lived in a house where i havent felt welcome because of my step-father so i guess all i can offer you to do for a while is avoid your parents if you feel there's no reasoning with them. ideally you should try and really sit and talk with them, try and get them to understand who you are and that as your parents they should love you for who you are and for being so honest. that way they may be able to give you your space. it sounds like theyre in denial about your sexuality. you need to make it clear to them that this is what you are and they have to learn to accept that. if you cant do this, then i guess youll just have to take it each day at a time. if you have to keep your disstance.

see thats the thing, a lot of people i know actually arent homophobic. okay they may make little jibes at others here and there but overall are quite accepting. i have to say, most of my friends are girls. i guess because of my secret im a little intimidated by other guys. i get the whole judgemental vibe off the guys i meet and it makes becoming friends an awkward situation for me. i think its mostly my family thats holding me back. i know they love me but i cant help but think that there will be an element of shame from them. i dont want that. but i also cant keep pretending. ahh!

yeah i know what you mean UT. trying to help others work through their problems is actually kinda helping me with mine. the next part however is taking my own advice... other people sometimes seem so confident with their problems and dealing with their issues, especially when it comes to being themselves, ie gay, bi or whatever. hearing other peoples perspectives and advice is helping me to be accepting, but the confidence in myself thing is the next step! its all very well to say go for it, and i try and be upbeat and say im gonna do it. but when i think i could do it i get that nautious feeling and want to throw up in my mouth a little. sorry for the graphic there but i think it gets my point accross!

thats the thing that sucks when it comes to living with your parents. now matter how old you are or how mature you have become, it is still their house and according to them, they have the right to do what they want in it, even if it means goin into your room and finding things you never wanted them to find. kind of an unfortuanate way of your mother finding out, but at least now its out in the open. dont feel like youve dissappointed anyone. you are not a failure for feeling a certain way. if you werent true to yourself you would be dissappointing yourself, which is far worse. as for the fight... well sometimes these things are inevitable. confrontation would have happened at some point or other so dont beat yourself up over it. im sorry to have to say it but your mom was wrong for what she did, especially for forcing your friend to do that. if i were you i wouldnt tell her this as it will only make your relationship at the moment worse. instead, give each other space and in time you'll be able to talk out both your feelings about this new revelation, and hers. and maybe then you'll be able to set a few boundaries regarding personal space!

i have been very close friends with a girl i have known many years, K. we went to school together but didnt really know each other that well. we then moved on to the same college together and got to be best friends very quickly. mostly because we tended not to like anyone else but each other! in the last year of college she got a boyfriend and the more time she spent with him, the less she had to spend with me! which i understand but after a while it was like she forgot about me. it seemed like she would only really make time for me when things werent going well with him. eventually they broke up after nearly a year and we went back to normal. well now its happening again! and when she got involved with this guy i was wary and told her i didnt want the same thing to happen this time. she said of course it wouldnt... the guy is really cool and really into her. im happy for her because he is exactly what she needs, but i already am out of the picture, so much so that she missed my birthday altogether and (badly) tried to cover it up. i dont want to lose her as a friend, but i also dont want to nag her back into a close friendship if thats not what she wants. also, i dont want this guy getting all on the offensive, thinking im into her or anything. how can i get things back to the way they were before? is that even possible? please, anybody, what can i do???

okay i was considering doing the whole"feeling out" thing for her reaction as to what she would think if i told her. thats when i remembered... about a week or so ago we bumped into an old work "friend" (we worked together for some time) who was gay in a very femme sort of way. i have to admit, im not a particular fan of the whole flamboyantness some gay men have, and i made this pretty clear in the past when he would say or do something i wouldnt agree with. anyway he was talking to us about how he had just moved in with his boyfriend. she was asking him a whole bunch of questions, i was just sorta listening. then i asked him questions about his boyfriend and shortly after we talked a little more we left. the first thing my friend said was "wow! i cant believe you asked him about his bf... most guys wouldnt have even said anything about that" or something to that effect. so i already knew that she was gay friendly, now i realised that she definitely has NO clue that i could be gay myself! she obviously sees me as one of those guys who can tolerate gay men as long as they dont have to have it in their faces... lol if only she knew! i have to admit this is partly through my own doing, what with my opinions of guys like him, etc. ive decided its not about me not wanting to tell her because im scared of her reaction, more like if i confessed to her, id be confessing it to myself. and thats something i dont think im ready to do yet.

its hard to believe im even posting this on an anonymous forum. thats how inhibited i am about whoi feel i should be. i come from a family where being gay is acceptable, just as long as its not one of us. im so scared of admitting to people that i have had gay feelings for MANY years that i've kept it to myself all this time. im even having trouble admitting it to myself. ive had a best friend for 10 years. we've seen each other at our best and worst and she is the person who i feel i can tell anything. well, almost anything. we've had a close relationship since we were very young. i love her so much as my friend and yet it scares me to even consider opening up to her about being gay. well, i should say bi as ive had female relationships in the past, be they few and far between. i am still attracted to females, but tend to lean more towards men. what makes things even more difficult is that we've even had our "physical" moments in the past. we havent had sex though, in fact im still a virgin. we tend not to talk about those moments although we dont deny them. until recently we would even kiss each other when on a nite out, every so often. not necessarily through pure attraction, partly because it was something to do! haha how bad does that sound... anyway im desperate to tell her that i like guys too but im scared as to what that will do to our relationship. were definitely not bf/gf, but we are more than best friends. we're just very close on one level. on another... i dont think she has any idea that i could like men. most likely because of our relationship... and because of flippant comments ive made on occasion about homosexuality... what can i say, i was in denial. and kinda still am! the fact is i need to tell somebody how i feel, before i explode, and that somebody is her. she is a very open minded person and i know she wouldnt think any less of me... i just dont want her to change her opinion of me, for our relationship to change (on a best friend level i mean). sorry for the super-long post... i guess its cuz this is the only place i have been able to get this off my chest. i would love any advice on what i should do, if anyone can relate? anyone?!

dau... wow what can i say? i stumbled upon this website when looking for someone to talk to about my own issues when i found you. it seems like you've been through a lot in such a short space of time. well im glad to see that you and your friend have managed to re-establesh a relationship between the two of you. despite your own personal feelings towards him, you have been very selfless in looking after his well-being. im sorry to hear that he's having such an awful period in his life right now. he's a very lucky guy to have someone in his life that cares for him as much as you do. if i could offer a little piece of advice... i cant say i know what your best friend is going through, but i can at least relate. when you seem at your wits end and that ending your life feels like the only escape left... theres nothing that can help you overcome that better than knowing that theres someone that needs you in their life. he may tell you he needs you around... he may try and push you away... but whatever, tell him that you are there for him and you arent going anywhere, you are a part of his life and you're in this together. im sure he will appreciate this more than he could say. im glad you've found out for sure his sexual preference... im not so sure how but you sound pretty convinced! if he is straight your friendship must mean a lot to him, even after him realising your feelings for him. its very admirable that you're able to put that aside to be there for him. as for his current state... i can only hope for both your sakes that he's able to get through it. maybe you would benefit by talking anonymously to someone about whats goin on? online or whatever. its an awful lot for you to be going through as well, especially as you're the only one he can come to. i hope for the best. keep us posted with the latest. ps/ i think youve successfully passed on the big-*ss posting bug...!