BOTA1

I feel that there has been a control issue in our relationship for the last 9 years, I finally gave in to try to save face with her. She had a very ruff childhood,(atleast thats what she has told myself and my family for the last 9 years) I guess I still have feelings for her as I tried as hard as I could to give her a better home life than what she had growing up. Her mother and her agrue still to this day, a few months ago she went to her mom's house as one of the neighbors had called and my wife was worried, when she got there to check on her mother she was greated with one simple phrase..."get a life" I know it bothered her more than she let on, and I tried to talk to her about it but she was to angry, so I just let it go... Resently she and her mother have made up again and suddenly she has turned her anger twards me, I know that the person I fell in love with is still in there, but don't know if I can reach her...(atleast this is what I'm still hoping for) I guess in the long run I'm going to have to face the reality that not all marriages were ment to be I just never thought it would happen to myself... It's just frustrating, and I have no idea what I should do besides fight with her for my children...I just don't want to fight anymore.

Ok some of you have given me advice here in the past and it really helped, but I'm now at another crossroad... Little back ground...I am going through THE WORST Divorce my county has ever seen, my wife has accused me of child abuse and taken out a CPO against me then took the children from my home, (these where FALSE but the law protected her) she then talked to me stating that she wanted to be civil about a divorce and has since called the police for minor things and had me arrested (so that she could remove stuff from our home) I then placed a CPO of my own in play and the court granted my parents the rights to our children, I felt it to be a more stable environment as her mother with whom she lives, has beaten my wife as a child, and now wants to put on her best game face for the court, (they have seen through this mind you) and a guardin Ad Litem (SP?) has been assigned to my children. Apon my 2nd court date for my CPO my wife's attourney claimed that the court had no legal right to remove my children from her care and they have been awarded back to her... Now the childrens attourney has stated to me this last week that she will be awarding my parents my children again, at the end of this month. Which again I will state is a much more stable life style for them as this divorve is tearing me in half.... I spoke with my attourney today and asked that he send a letter to my wife, asking her to drop her CPO as I would do the same IF she agreed to go to counsiliing with me...I still have a ray of hope left in me someplace that we can save our marriage somehow... Am I wrong for still being in love with her and having these feelings????

I have an lawyer, but today he just sat there and let them take my children, honestly on a sclae of 1 to 10 she's a 4... We've been together for the last 9 years, and she has done nothing but complain that she was beaten as a teen by her mother. Now she takes my children into this house... She has attempted to take her own life, with a handgun, then as I took it away she tried to slice her wrists with a curtain rod. I have begged the court to take the children from both of us (as I'm not really stable at the moment either with this divorce) and give them to my parents who have been the backbone of their family structure since they were born, but to no avail. I just feel like I'm trying to do whats best for my children but nobody will listen, and in the end they will suffer for me not trying hard enough...

She accused me of beating my son, of 1 years of age, but as he hasn't been in my care the bruises continue...

A few months ago my wife took out a CPO on me and took our children from our home, last week I filed my own vs her as the children where coming home bruised and with stories of neglect. My 8 year old daughter has been begging me to let her come home and I at last thought I had the chance last week. The judge finally listened to my side of the story and granted my parents the rights to my kids until the divorce was over, but today, her attourney pointed out that I failed to fill in a box, and that the judge didn't have the right to take the children from her care... I had to face my 8 year old daughter tonight with tears in my eyes as her mother took her away again... I have been to 2 different Childrens service offices begging for help, and now I feel that I can't contune the fight with my wife anymore... More than anything I feel that I let my daughter down, as the ONLY person to hear my cry for help turned his back on me in court today...(I feel he has anyhow) Everyone keeps telling me that my STBE is only doing this to get back at me for something, but it's tearing me apart, and I can't face my children anymore with them asking to come home, and me being helpless to do anything... ANY advice please...I love my children, more than anything in the world, but my ignorance of the law is now taking them from me...

I say hold out, if your thinking about her yet in a romantic way then you may not be over her, and it may hurt to speak with her....Don't break NC.

I've been in the same boat for 9 years Lost, and have had NC now for over 2 months, I agree that you should maybe move on and find someone that will treat you with respect and honestly care about how you feel. If you still have feelings for her try staying friends but keep her at arms lenth, it sounds like she may still not know what she wants, and would be safer for you in the long run...Once they start down the abusive path they may miss that feeling of power over you. Just my 2 cents

My children still love her also, and I know that I should let her see them, this is the first time I have ever taken them from her, (My son is 1 my daughter eight) but I just can't feel safe while they are with her. I'm hoping that this is a bit of a wake up call to her that she needs help, and even if we don't stick together that she gets that help for herself and our childrens sakes. Thank you all for the replies, I now feel much better about what I've done this week and promise to continue forward if not for myself atleast for the children...

Yes I now have the children in mine and my families care.

Hello all, My Name is Eric, and I'm going through a pretty ruff divorce. My soon to be Ex and I have been together for 9 years but only married for 2. Throughout our relationship she has accused me of ALOT of Domestic problems, only to drop the charges in court when I conceed to her will. She has called the police on me because I wanted to leave our home during an argument. This has been going on every 24 months or so she seems to keep a time table or something... Around July she took out another CPO on myself and made up some pretty outragious claims on it, and took my children from me. I was granted parentle rights to see them on Wed. and every other weekend, but was torn as my 8 year old daughter and I have never been apart from each other. And it was apperent that she did not want to be in the situation, that her mother had put her in. Last Monday I was able to speak with the Judge, and was able to have my side of the conflict heard, I produced hard evidance that my STBE was lieing to the court on a number of things, and have reclaimed my children while taking her visatation away... The only real problem is that I am still deeply in love with her, and in truth, do not want a divorce, everytime my daughter and I speak of it she asks if I still love mommy and I tell her the truth, I still do. But I feel that my sanity can't take much more of her abuse. She has a history on Manic Depression, and one night I came home to find her on the bedroom floor with a gun in her hand trying to take her own life. It scared me almost to death, but I took the gun from her and called the proper people to help her. She holds this over my head at times stating that if I don't do as she asks she will do something drastic. I guess I'm posting here as I still love her very much, and am just looking for some support that I am doing the right thing by filing for the divorce and keeping my children safe from her by keeping her away from them.... Thanks for reading