I found this site a couple of days ago and have to admit that I haven't been doing much at work except reading. The experiences that you have all had have made me realize that this is not the end of the world and that someday I might feel better.
A week and a half ago my world shattered. I had a long distance relationship, not too far away, we were about an hour apart. We were together 3 and a half years. We talked about getting married and building a life together. He was always loving and incredibly wonderful to me. I thought it was the real thing.
About a year into the relationship we had a huge fight and were apart for a few days. When we started talking again he was cold and distant. He admitted to me a few weeks later that he had slept with someone else. We broke up for about four months and then he came to me and said he was sorry, that it was over, a huge mistake and that it was me he loved. I took him back because I still loved him and anyone can make a mistake. After that, things were good like they were before. If we weren't together, we were talking on the phone. I didn't spend alot of time at his place because of circumstances. We both have children and they live with him and mine with me. We were taking time in making sure things would work out before bringing kids into it. I thought we were being very cautious in that area and that was a good thing.
This past summer, I didn't hear from him alot. His father was terminally ill, his divorce proceedings, which he has been trying to settle for the past 4 and a half years,were coming to a head and I knew he was under alot of stress. I have health problems of my own I have been dealing with this past summer so I never really gave it much thought.
When his dad died two weeks ago, I phoned his home. He wasn't there so I left a message saying how sorry I was and that I was there for him, what could I do etc. You can imagine my shock when I received a call from some other woman asking me what was going on. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. Apparently this was the woman he had originally slept with when we had broken up two years ago. She said they had been seeing each other regularly ever since.
He never even apologized and was pissed off at me. I guess I ruined a good thing he had going. I am hurt, yes, confused and mad. I guess my biggest feeling is that I feel totally stupid that I so blindly trusted this guy. I feel stupid that I didn't have any inkling as to what was going on, but believe me when I say there were really no indications. He was always as loving as ever all the way through. The only thing looking back was that he never wanted me to go to his place, he always came to see me. I assumed that it was because of his divorce which is so incredibly nasty that I didn't want to make things worse for him. He kept saying that when things were settled and the kids weren't so caught in the middle that we would bring our families together.
So that's my story. I have found great comfort in all your letters. I know I am better off without him and that things will get better, but right now when I can't eat and I can't sleep, it seems like this will last forever. I haven't told anyone why we broke up. I just say that it didn't work out. This is because I feel like a total fool. I spent all these years talking about him and how great he was and how much I loved him. I just feel very stupid. I keep up appearances for the day because of my kids and my job, but the nights are hard.
Thanks for listening to my story. It feels good to be able to release some of the pain.
