allmessedup

thank you fivek. this forum has been a lifesaver for me. it just helps to get it all out from time to time. after reading that back i think i kinda came up with my own answer, i guess you lay all your cards down when your feel that you can safely, which clearly i didnt at the time. i think deep down i know this was not the right relationship for me, but its a daily battle to keep my head straight about all this even still. so many doubts and "what ifs". its just so hard to accept that "what ifs" dont really matter. what actually happened trumps them all. ill get there.

well its been nearly 4 months since the breakup that destroyed me like no other. the breakup itself really wasnt so terrible. he said he needed time and dissappeared for a few days. during those few days i was a mess. searching for any info i could get. and what i got was that he had told alot of our mutual friends it was over. by the time he decided to come back from his 4 day vacation from me i didnt want to hear it. i was a mess. i told him i already had his answer, didnt need to hear it from him now, and told him to leave me alone. he did not dispute anything at this time. he just sent me some very cold email about getting some stuff back. in retrospect, i should have talked to him. it was cowardly of me. but i felt so betrayed, my pride would not let me breakdown infront of him again, when i was sure his decision was already made. then the nc started. he rebounded within days. i did some stupid stuff. he tried to be friends, i told him no because i was still in love with him. he got really angry. his rebound relationship fizzled about a month ago. and ofcourse my phone started ringing. i ignored for about a week. then at a low point of mine i sent him a short email wishing him a happy birthday. this led to him coming over and talking. he layed a bit of a guilt trip on me. how if i had just talked to him we could have worked it out(he now denies telling anyone it was "over"). he mentioned the rebound relationship. how he had to get out because he had a good relationship with me, and the new one didnt compare (funny i heard she dumped him, interesting). after the talk, there were a couple brief calls. then he even tried to get me to hang out and go to a movie with him. i politely declined. but it seemed as if things were going in the right direction. we were talking. i was extremely guarded and did not confess anything, id done that before with him when i told him i was still in love with him and that went badly. i was not giving anymore of myself without some sort of REAL encouragement from him. then bam he dissapperars again. literally a week later i find he has started a brand new relationship out of nowhere. sounds like hes very happy. so yah. this time i think its really done. so whats the point of this long post? does anyone think if i had layed all my cards out on the table it would have gone differently? spose theres a chance he really just wanted to be friends? but then why fall off the face of the earth when the new girl comes along? i know its kinda pointless now, but ive been beating myself up about it. from this whole experience ive found ive got alot to learn about communication, and pride. so just for future reference, when do you let the walls down?

well ive posted a little in the past. getting over my first love. its been really really hard...obviously... its been about 3 and a half months...and for the first time im really starting to be happy again. tons of new friends. ive even dated a bit. breaking out this lil shell ive created, and just having a good time...as far away from him as possible. im much more confident. he wasnt out of my mind completely...but he wasnt my every thought anymore. then i run into someone who feels the need to tell me that the girl my ex dumped me for had just dumped him...literally as she is telling me my phone starts ringing... yep him. i didnt answer ofcourse. but he has kept calling. i have no intentions of picking up. but i can feel my my mind going down that evil, yet familiar "what if" path. i have no idea what he wants...but my head knows nothing good can come of this. i told him i did not want to be friends and to stay out of my life the last time he showed up. everytime i think im out of the woods he shows up again. i was happy, i was confident, and sure i could do so much better. how can something as simple as a ringing phone shatter all this? i still love him...and the smallest hope of being as happy as we once were kills me everytime. any words of wisdom out there?

ha i did the same thing...didnt get any reaction though...ahhh the silly things pain makes us do. and yes, it is very much a game. i think my motive was just a vengeful..kinda a childish "look what you would still have if you werent such a moron" type of thing. but i was the dumpee, id imagine if it were the other way around something like that might not mean the same thing.

ha, im far too old for school. ive thought about professional help...hell ive even looked into hypnotherapy. its hard for me to admit i am so incapable of dealing with this i need medical attention...but it may come to that. i agree this is a really great forum, this may be my first time speaking up but ive found so much help here over the past couple months.

ive never been in your situation, got lucky i spose...he was sposed to get me a dog for my birthday...then bought me nothing and said it was my fault for not telling him what to get me...but i digress... my belief is that it was a gift, its yours...take the dog. i cant even imagine what kinda shape id be in if i actually had to see my ex on a regular basis.

thank you for the responses, and yo...that link made me smile. its good to know im not alone. i guess i kinda knew everyone has been through this at some point, but it seems like everyone in my life is just looking at me like.."what heck is wrong with you? its been 2 months!" just seems like this is taking forever. i just wanna be normal...rational me again.

im new here...well ive never posted anyway. 2 months ago my first love broke up with me. we were only together about half a year. the details of the relationship arent really important, its over, and to be perfectly honest im sick of talking about it. the most recent developments though were that he broke our 7 weeks no contact and wanted to to be friends(ofcourse he does, now that he is dating someone). i tried, but found it far too painful. told him basically, that i was still in love with him and to stay away from me. he didnt like that, in fact he got quite nasty and responded by telling me how fab his new girl is and ignoring everything i said. this breakup has been the hardest thing i have ever delt with in my life. after 2 months i am still constantly on the verge of tears, i feel like im sleepwalking all the time. every decision i make, i still consider what he would think. my moods swing constantly from functioning...to completely devastated. i actually catch myself defending his cruel actions from time to time. if i could just even find another person attractive...it dosent have to go anywhere...that would just give me some hope that this guy is not the last person ill ever find happiness with. i feel like its too late to still be this much in love with him. my friends think im pathetic...he thinks im insane. its like im wandering into psycho stalker territory. things dont feel like there getting better at all. hes moved on, and im still here...but everytime i start to feel better, something in me just takes over and destroys me...and im back where i started. i know i do this to myself. but i cant control it at all. i look back and im so angry with myself for wasting two months being miserable over this guy, yet i cant seem to stop it. if anybody out there has been through this before...please tell me when its gonna get better.