Sindy_0311

I totally agree with you not wanting to show to much interest in the beginning. I used to reach out to guys when I stated darting, never asked for dates but I texted to keep in touch which was a mistake. Once you send the first text, that he knows he has access to you and that you might be interested in dating, you just leave it to there. I am currently having 4 guys waiting to meet. I couldn’t do it for the last 3 weeks because I was with my son all the time. During this time, I didn’t reach out to them and they would text me every 2 or 3 days just to keep in touch and ask when I will be free. You gave him signs of interest, gave him access to you. If real interest was there, the ship would still be waiting for you and he would reach out.

Do I understand correctly? two weeks after the birthday text, you reached out again and proposed a day for the coffee? And he didn’t suggest an hour or time to meet. He could have said let’s meet after work, or I will be free at x pm on x day… he didn’t jump on the opportunity when you reached out… Also, the first text he sent you, I think it was my mistake, otherwise he would have kept conversation going. but I agree with @Wiseman2 try to keep in touch on linked in. And react to his feeds sometimes just to stay in his sight a little bit…

I think he might not be that interested. I once met a guy, also working in arts and communication. We have been collaborating once on a project and had to talk everyday. Connection was great too and I sensed he was attracted to me when we first met. He used to call me in my free time to advance on the project, he was always complimenting my work, saying how talented I was by sending me voice messages. Then he left his job for another one and I never heard from him again. Six month later, he liked my profile on a dating app and texted me there, asking how I was, etc… he also said we should go out for a drink someday to which I replied with pleasure… and that was it… he never proposed a day, or arranged anything. I think your guy, like mine, enjoys working with you, maybe he thought about that coffee ‘date’ to see if there was any potential or attraction but he isn’t very into you… Also you mentionned that happy birthday text. Would he have been really interested in you, he would have followed with the conversation, taking it as a opportunity to know you outside of work matters. But he didn’t, and I guess it’s not because he is shy, you opened a door and he didn’t follow through. Just leave it to that, and maybe someday, he will reach out again… or not…

I totally agree. When I met the guy yesterday I was a bit disappointed but wanted to know him anyway, discover his personality, as for me looks is not that important. But I didn’t like his gestures, his walk, and his conversation was boring… so 🤷‍♀️ A guy can look good and be interesting, but if he has a poor conversation, doesn’t show confident body langage or is rude to other people, it’s a turn off.

You should know something about online dating. You are just a name and a photo as long as you haven’t met the guy. No interest from his part, no real connection, no feelings…. I mean, I text with many guys, sometimes we leave the conversation and reach out days later, doesn’t mean we are not interested anymore. To be honest, I’m not interested in any of theses guys, I’m am only interested in guys I meet, and even so… Yesterday I had a date with a guy I talked on FaceTime with. I was pretty sure I was attracted to him, but when I saw him, I just was like, this not the same person. He was shorter than he mentionned and skinny, he looked way older than on FaceTime, so I ended the date early. You can never know whether you are attracted to someone until you see them for real. Also consider that this guy surely texts with other girls, they all do… you are not his girlfriend, he doesn’t know you and doesn’t owe you anything. if he is coming to your hometown, make sure he doesn’t plan to stay at your place overnight. If he does, you know there’s no serious potential. Once he had what he wanted, no chance he will come back 150 km just to see you IMO. Prospect for guys closer to your hometown, my advice. Good luck anyway with this one…

When I met my ex husband he didn’t speak French. He is Spanish and I had some notions of it. Even if we had good chemistry and liked each other, I always missed some depth in our communication. In the beginning I thought it was because of language until I realized it had nothing to do with it as he became fluent speaking French. I’m sorry but I wouldn’t go for it if intellectual connection is important for you…

😂sounds harsh! the issue is not with him approaching my ear to repeat, what bothered me is he almost shout in my ear. It surprised me in an unpleasant way. He also was very flirty since the beginning, touching my leg, my hand, my arm while speaking. I do like confident guys but this one seemed to comfortable from the start. He texted me today saying he had a great time and is looking forward to see me again. I don’t know yet if I will.

I think this is the key. We should never settle. What is unacceptable for you might be ok for others and vice versa. But by sticking to your expectations and boundaries you fill find someone who has the same values and respect. I had a first meet yesterday night and met a guy, good looking, interesting, interested, but he did something that completely turned me off. We were in a bar, talking, there was some noise and I didn’t get something he said, he then approached his mouth to my ear and repeated it louder. He didn’t really shout in my ear but still it was uncomfortable and and I didn’t appreciate. Just this detail was a turn off for me.

For me it sounds like a guy who doesn’t want te be taken for granted. He’s acting distant and he sounds like a game player… maybe he got bad experiences in the past with girls trying to take advantage on him, or he tries to play it cold. I wouldn’t bother meeting him… huge red flag IMO.

Im just wondering if it’s not better to find an excuse. He speaks German, I speak French and German a little but we do can have conversations. He lives 45 minutes away. He’s Albanian native and I do find him attractive. I think I could go on a first date/meet with him just because im curious about him but I’m afraid that it would then be more difficult if I don’t feel him… by experience I know that video calls are sometimes weird compared to meeting the person for real… what’s your experience with FaceTime calls before meeting?

Hello there! I have already posted a few times on this forum, and some of you may already know I do online dating. Usually i begin with some messaging, and then propose a FaceTime call to see whether attraction is there. Also a good way to check whether the pictures these guys post on their profiles are current or old ones. I had a FaceTime call yesterday with a guy. I assume he enjoyed me because he is now texting a lot and wants to see me next weekend. But I didn’t fell that attraction. There was something in his voice, the way he talks and his manner that turned me off. We have been texting for one/two weeks now and he seems very interested. How can i get out of this situation in a kind way and avoid making the other person feel bad? What would you do or say? Thanks In advance for your help!

I will be bold here, and maybe it will sound a bit harsh. I truly think you are a good person, but you are an idiot according to your lack of experience in dating, mostly online dating. And there is nothing wrong with it, just relax… I’m not judging you, I will only refer to your previous and current situation. You are naive. Do you think you can meet your guy online so fast? Let me tell you something, we all know that majority of men or women online are garbage. That’s why you have to reinforce your boundaries when it comes to a guy you meet online. These guys have plenty of options to meet girls, you are just one of them, and if you show too much of interest or enthusiasm, they will take you for granted and take advantage on you like the last one did. (So please, do NOT go on a weekend plan with him now) When I started online dating I was not aware of it, but I learnt it by myself. Hear me, we are not judging you, we don’t know you, we are just warning you in a kindly way. Most of people commenting on your posts already went through all this online dating experiences (crap) and I think you can definitely trust their insights. If you are not capable of questioning yourself about your behavior there is no use to ask for further advice here… but I’m sure that in one or two years from now, you will come back and say “dudes, you were right” 😉 (to the dudes, like this post if you agree with me)

You can’t imagine how this guys behavior is common. They all say theses things. I remember one pretending to be totally into me only to end up ghosted out of nowhere after 3rd date. And there is this guy who is texting me all day long, sending me pictures, singing me songs, saying how lucky he is to speak with me etc… and we didn’t even meet yet. Guys are poets when they want something. Be careful and don’t show him to much of interest. Be a little cold, just show the 20%of your interest level. Be kind, polite, funny, interesting, but don’t give to much of energy for this guy. What did you plan for the weekend? Are you going away together? That would be risky

Hey everyone, just a little update… as you know we had sex on 3rd date, it was ok, he kept on texting the following days but not as much as before. And kind of boring. So I decided to leave it to that point as my interest fell down. Some of you were right about him not being a good match to begin with. I’m moving on as I have another target on my sight. This one is a big deal 😉

What did you talk about? I guess you took the call because you needed some clarity on the situation. Did you learn something or did he just talked like nothing changed. A man can sometimes ghost you and reach out again out of the blue ignoring or not even mentioning he has been distant. They do that to make you second guess your overthinking of the situation and keep you wrapped. (No need to mention this is how players operate)

I assume he didn’t talk about past relationships because they are not past. He might have some regulars or even a (some ) girlfriend but he doesn’t live with her. Maybe the one with the bad paint color… single guys (mostly older good looking ones) often have plenty of women at their disposal. They enjoy their single live jumping from a woman to an other on a regular basis.

Wow this is a very telling detail. It surely belongs to a “regular” one. The thing about his ex, it hit my mind that he might be in an open relationship. They don’t live together but apparently they rely on each other for emergencies. That made me think about me and my ex husband. We have been divorced for almost two years now, we had a kid together, and even separated we still see each and rely on each other. Also I have to mention that we casually spend nights together even if he has a girlfriend since 8 month. I’m not proud of it but it’s just how it is. We still enjoy each other very much even if we both know we are not good match as a married couple. I still have his keys and he also has mine. When he is with his girlfriend he asks me to ring the bell, because he didn’t tell her. So I guess your guy is still in a relationship with his ex. Otherwise, why would he still have contact with her without a kid involved? Guys usually don’t stay friend with their ex unless there is still something going on or if they had children together. Please forgive my bad English. It’s late here in Switzerland!!

Please, don’t… don’t say you miss me, don’t become over sentimental, don’t ask me to respond to that… a please is always a please don’t…

You are not an idiot, we have all been there. It’s only a question of experience. You will learn from that experience and adjust your behavior next time you meet someone you are attracted to. Think as if this one guy was the one who opened the path for you to meet the right one. Some people would repeat same patterns over and over again, but you have the willingness and the ability to question yourself which is a quality. So don’t beat yourself up and keep moving on. Will be hard, even tough somedays but you will find your good guy.

These are only words. Actions speak louder than words and he showed you his real intentions with his silence. But this is something you can evaluate only with time… and you rushed to fast into it to figure it out.

He is slow fading because he doesn’t want to hurt you by having this king of discussion with you, he’s immature and hopes you will get the message by your own. His Silence is a decision. I suggest you don’t reach out ever again and move one. Good riddance.

Hi, lately I felt the same. Im almost 40, I used to be passionate by many things but since 2/3 months something is off, I no longer find any interest/energy for my hobbies. I read a book lately about an aging woman sharing how she felt tired and without energy and said it was normal at some point to feel different while getting older. >> We are changing and there’s nothing to be afraid about it. It’s just a transitional state. Just accept it and someday your energy will come back. I accepted it but I remain focused on my work, my health and my son. Hobbies and motivation can wait. Anyway, I suggest you stay careful: the moment you sense that you cannot operate in your daily life or that it becomes very difficult, go seek for help/therapy. You might have a little depression, don’t let it become worse. Take care.

Hi I’m sorry you are going through this. Here is my opinion: I think you have been giving to much since the beginning, and I see two major issues : First issue is : he being willing to date a woman living long distance. Why bother dating a someone living so far away if you have so many possibilities on online apps to meet someone who lives close. Maybe to make the fade away easier… I never talk to guys who live more that 45 minutes away, first off all because I want them to come to my area for the first meet and first dates. I would NEVER drive 5 hours to meet a guy. When a guy asks me to go to his part, I refuse and move one because it means to me he isn’t taking my comfort in consideration. Second issue is he invited you to stay home for 2-3 then 5 days. To me that sounds more like a vacation romance. If his intention to see you again was genuine he wouldn’t have spent so much time with you. But for the time being, you were there and it was convenient to him, he got all he wanted and some extra time. By that I mean, he enjoyed his time even if he wasn't being any future... Some men would just like some company from time to time even if they don't like you that much. they would just take what they can get from you. In the dating process, I usually meet first time for coffee, then I/we decide whether we want to spend more time with that person on a proper date, and after the first date we decide whether we like that person enough to go on the 3rd date, etc. But in-between, you have time for yourself to digest the meetings and figure out whether you like that person. I would be exhausted spending even 12 hours with someone on a first date, so I let you imagine 5 days… I guess he might got tired... You have to give men a bit of space to miss you and wanting more from you. I also have to say, sometimes men need to backoff a bit after intimacy which is totally normal. They usually tend to be more silent in the following days (due to hormones etc…) But after two weeks, I guess he is just gone. I suggest you don’t reach out to him anymore and try to date people closer to your area. Also in the future, I wouldn’t be so transparent about my interest in someone. You never tell a guy you like him until you don’t know about his true intentions towards you…

Can I ask you what your last text was? Was it a question? if not I don’t see anything wrong with him not showing up. You never met, so it totally fine to have some days between conversations on dating apps. Where I see a big red flag is in the ‘I might move to your city’ thing… he doesn’t live here but is already trying to find some girls to hang out with, make no sense to me if he is looking for something serious.

Maybe it sounded clinical because I was just making an update of the situation. Of course there was more than just the test drive, but this is not the aspect I needed to figure out here. We do have good conversations, we tease each other and laugh together, it’s all ok on that level. So for now I will let the diva aside and let it flow. We will see…