Sindy_0311

Someone told me someday: there’s no use in calling people out… you won’t earn anything. She’s silent, so give her the silent treatment as well. Show her you have enough self respect to not accept those kind of wishywashy behaviors.

I agree with others. She’s not interested. But also have to say that when it happens to me, when I date someone and have another prospect in mind I tend to not reply or make time for second option. Usually they would reach out again a few days or weeks later and ask again. Sometimes I accept to see them again, even if interest is not really there, and sometimes not, I just explain that I didn’t feel the spark etc… but even by explaining it, they would insist or try to turn it into a hookup thing. So it’s often easier to just not respond at all. It gives a clearer signal. I suggest you leave it to that point. And if you feel like to, reach out again in a few weeks to check on her. Her number one prospect might not be in the frame anymore… sorry this is happening to you… it’s so irritating… you are right.

One question that popped into my mind. When is it acceptable to share financial status in the dating process? because somehow it’s something that can lead to un/compatibility in a relationship…

I also experienced financial difficulties after my divorce. Now I'm following a strict budget plan to get a bigger apartment next year and buy a car, because for now I only have a shared one... Is that red flaggy? I tend to believe so...

OMG I never did that. I mean I tend to choose the guys I go on dates with, try to know more about them and decipher whether they seem good person. If I suspect something wrong I just don't meet them... I would sometimes check social media pages If I had access to, but more to learn about interest, social life etc... It's funny because I've been texting to a guy for a few days and he asked my instagram page. I went to check his profile right now and his following/followers list... only blonde chicks. immediately blocked him LOL.

He isn't having his *** together... I would maybe go on a second date but stay very cautious about this one. Him not being able to pay the bills alone I can conceive but he didn't take responsibility to move in a smaller place and arrange to sell the house or whatever.. Does he have a job at least?

Hi, I wouldn't go. I would call her and explain the situation, apologize and setup another day to meet. I used to date a guy once who had migraines. And somedays he was completely off. Once he got one when we were together and I just told him to go home and rest, no big deal for me... I also know that I would never go on a date if I don't feel 100% good because I couldn't enjoy it. You come first, your date can wait and should be able to understand. If a guy tells me he has been sleeping two hours, I would automatically propose to reschedule, its common sense IMO.

Your dating pool is shrinking now because you didn't heal. I have a friend, she is 45, she looks gorgeous, and is still attracting many man... let yourself some month, years to work on yourself and then start dating again, ready to share your best self....

I guess OP is just trying to demonize him to persuade herself that she did the right thing by blocking him.... IMHO she does like him, its obvious.

He already responded by saying he was busy on the weekend... No need to ask twice... Also why would you tell him you need to see him because you want to share something? I guess he doesn't want to hear confessions from you... because he would have proposed a call instead, ok at least ask what it's about... I don't really see any interest from this guy. And not because he has been "friend zoned" but because he is arrogant and doesn't really like you. In fact I have an other opinion. I think you didn't friend zoned him, you just told him you prefer wait... this has nothing to do with friendzoning someone, which usually happens when there is no attraction and no willingness at all to move things further. But you confessed your attraction by saying you didn't want to get hurt and prefer wait some time to date him... (the door was open) Also I think you blocked him for the wrong reason. you like him, he "rejects" you, so you punish him. But I guess he doesn't really care, because he perfectly knows you will unblock him someday... After saying you didn't want to date him because it was to soon, you let him have access to you, but he never took the initiative to ask you out again. he's was not that interested to begin with... Hope you will find a way to move on...

Oops… I wouldn’t have said that. This is giving him to much of access… I would just have said it was nice meeting you but I don’t want to go further because of xyz… wishing you the best. Nothing more. I guess this is why he replied so casually by “if you want to hang out until then… “ he didn’t asked you out to talk about it or proposed to explain in person. If he liked you I guess he would have done so, or at least called you… Sorry you are disappointed…

It’s tough because you might have developed deep feelings for him. It was easier with other guys surely because you didn’t feel them like this one. It’s not easy to let go someone, or even fantasy, it’s a loss… but it’s possible and you will get stronger after you did. Just give yourself some time… “Creation comes when you learn to say no” The power of goodbye - Madonna

I think he is a honest person. But he isn’t ready to have a serious relationship with you or any woman. In this case I suggest you just consider it was wrong timing. Would he be 40, already going through his struggles with work etc, maybe you both could have made it work. But it’s not the case. So my advise is you send him a last text explaining you prefer to move on, stop contact and wish him well. it will take you some time to get over him, maybe two or three month but you will manage it… believe me, it’s in your best interest.

Do you really have a crush on her? Because it feels like you are very uncomfortable in this situation. Maybe not that into her after all. Is it possible that her interest towards you made you feel wanted, desired, and that it gave you a little ego boost that you interpreted as attraction?

What is it you like about him?

I think there is a big age gap. You are 40 right? Do you have kids yet? Or do want to build a family? He is 30, at this age I guess the majority of single guys are still playing the field a bit until they find the right woman to start a family with… and you are not. you have been in contact for 5 month and seeing each other only 3 times because he had to travel but still so, communication (the only thing you have) has been inconsistent, hot and cold. he told you that if he felt in love he would consider a relashionship. But he didn’t, and it’s been 5 month. Best way for you to turn the page is to just accept that he doesn’t like you. He likes your physical apparence, your mind (like a friend would) but he didn’t develop any feeling towards you >> The reason why he doesn’t want a relationship with you. When a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship with you. you should take it very seriously and move on. I suggest you stop contact with him…. He is not your man. See I’m 39, I’ve been dating a lot of younger guys last year. Today there is a young Italian one who reached out te me, he’s 25, still a baby. He said he wanted to see me again, to try again. But I told him that I was looking for someone who is at the same point in life than me. I think your guy is way to young. I have my own theory according to age gap: 20/30,40/50 is ok but 30/40 is the worse because people change a lot from 30 to 40. They usually get kids, establish, marry etc…just let him go find his girl… and you, start dating guys a bit older, from 38 its fine…

Hi, how old are you? And how long have you been working together? She may try to make you confess your crush. It’s very easy for a woman to sense nervousness from a man. Don’t assume she is reading your mind just because of that… The reason why she is asking all these questions can be either for a genuine purpose, because she also likes you, but also can be because she likes the seduction game or feeling men attracted to her… (not especially you) Her talking about your lack of experience with women is somehow intrusive and not something I would point out from a man I’m genuinely interested in. I suggest you don’t confess your crush, be cautious. Wait a bit more and see how she behaves in the coming days… if she is so confident, she might give you more signs of interest…

I’m just curious… are these men married? Or older/younger than you? When I was young and single I used to have a friend, he was older, and more like a mentor with spiritual connection but even there, there was ambiguity as he never told his wife that we were seeing each other for coffee sometimes. See i might be old fashioned in a sense, but I never saw my mom, my sister or any of my married girlfriends having such male friends. Even my ex husband wouldn’t have accepted me to go out for coffee with a man if he wasn’t a coworker or if it wasn’t in a group setting…

Just based on my experience. I have been going out with friends or coworkers but at some point, even if not the first day, there was some more expectation from their part. Even one of my best friends, coworker at that time, confessed after 6 month he wasn’t viewing me as just a friend. Which was weird to me. I don’t have many male friends. The only ones I have are ex boyfriends turned into friendship or guys I hang out with occasionally in group settings or my girlfriends husbands… I don’t really believe in male/female friendship. But this is just my opinion.

I think she knows perfectly she’s going on a DATE with you. Call it what you want but a guy wanting to hang out alone with a woman is usually perceived as a date by women…

Don’t you think that you just don’t fit to online dating? Because it’s all based on apparences. As you are someone “different” I suggest you stick to meeting people in real life were you can let your charisma, style and posture speak for you. You just have to create your own culture and do what’s best for you which is the best way to attract interesting people. Unsubscribe from dating apps and putt your energy elsewhere if it’s not working for you. I’ve know a black man who had a skin condition. He had a profile on dating apps but never got any date. But this guy was sexy as hell and had any woman he wanted in real life (including me LOL) so please don’t let your lack of success in online dating define your attractiveness…

I see nothing wrong in this woman’s behavior. She replied, with orange hearts because she isn’t your girlfriend yet. It’s like sending 😚 instead of 😘 when you start to date someone… nothing wrong with her contacting you one week later. I often have to wait one to two weeks to be free and ready to plan a date. She might be not romantically interested in you yet but if you don’t give it a chance you will never know what will happen. It’s sometimes easier to retreat and not take the risk… (what do you have to loose? Your comfort?) you say you are ugly and don’t get many matches on dating apps, believe me, there are tons of average looking guys who don’t get matches either… might just be that you are not photogenic. No big deal. I used to like profiles without really liking the photos, because I found something interesting in their profile details. And when I met them I was sometime positively surprised. Also have to say that men often look better for real than on the pictures they post… (which I assume isn’t always the case for ladies… way to much filters) If you have great posture, good style, then there is not reason no one would be interested in dating you… IMHO you should have replied and accepted to see her sunday (today?) whatever plans you had… too bad… did you at least reply?

Yes, I agree. I get intimate soon to avoid real intimacy. Or also a way to make sure they don’t get bored. It’s easier to have someone leave because sex came to soon rather because he didn’t like my personality/me enough to spend more time with me… it’s all part of this disfunction…

I already went through many therapies and currently am. I regained self esteem, at least enough to feel good about myself most of the time. But I guess my childhood made me develop these unhealthy behaviors. The journey will be difficult, but will be good 😊

Exactly. Obsession begins when guys show some resistance or inconsistency. In fact the only guys driving me crazy were the players. The ones that showed much of interest were the ones I rejected. I guess my mantra was “you want what you can’t have” hence also the reason why I developed this obsession with the Italian. Would he have been consistant, all in, I would have lost interest very fast. It’s so unhealthy… but it’s how it is…