Sindy_0311

Did you decide a place and time where to meet?

Well, he asked when we will see each other again, asked when I was available and offered three options/activities to do on Saturday evening between restaurants and music festival. Also had a little text exchange with him this morning. It was somehow flirty from his part and at one point I confessed that I was willing to take my time with becoming intimate. He then said he was willing too. At least, now he knows that he will have to be patient and make some efforts...

No Yes. He said that on Sunday. But we already had a date on Monday… i guess I will just wait. See if he asks me out. And if not, no big deal 😊

I already picked Monday, we went to the restaurant. now my question is about the coming weekend…

One more thing, when we tried to make plans for this week he told by text: "I have a concert on Tuesday and a event on Thursda, but I'm free on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday, or even each of these days... "

Hi, Just wanted to make a little update because I need some advice on how to manage my new dating situation. I met a guy on Sunday, 10 days ago (OLD app). We had a drink at a bar, talking a lot, It was all ok. We seem to have same interests, same energy, but it was all very friendly… No kiss, no flirt… then I stayed with the kid one week, we have been exchanging some texts but not daily. We saw each other again this Monday to have diner at a restaurant in my neighborhood. Again, much of talk, laughs and time passed very fast… at 11pm they would close the restaurant, so we left. He asked if he could drive me home, I said no its ok I live just over there. And he proposed to walk me home. When we arrived, I asked him whether he wanted to have a coffee. He agreed. We talked little bit more and then, before he left, we hugged and kissed intensely. When he left, he said we will see each other very soon again and gave me a kiss on my forehead. Yesterday he had a concert and on Thursday he’s going to an event with his friends. Now my question is why didn’t he ask me out for the weekend yet? Last Sunday, we were texting and he asked whether I will have the kid this week, I said no and I asked if he wanted us to meet again. To what he replied very enthusiastically. I chose the restaurant and made the reservation for Monday and he said he really appreciated me to organize it. He seems an extroverted guy, many friends etc, he has been overweighted for many years, and still have a bit of extra weight, which bothers him to what I understood. he is gentle and funny and always very enthusiastic but seems shy when it comes to make a move. He also has this shy laugher when he is embarrased… His last serious relationship ended 3 years ago, and he told me he got almost no matches on OLD apps for 3 years (I know these are just words… ) The thing is he is always very enthusiastic when we talk or text. (I try to keep texting short though) He sometimes says he’s taking note of the things I say, to remember about them. And remembers details of our conversations. Somehow, I know that if I ask him out for this weekend he will agree (I’m almost 100% positive about it as he told me he was free) but I don’t want to do it… Also there is another guy who already asked me out for Saturday (but I’m not that interested in this one). Problem is after this weekend I won’t be able to date for two weeks because I will be with the kid all the time. Should I mention this to him? Or should I just WAIT and be PATIENT. lol

Also have to say that I wouldn’t have brought up the fireworks proposal. Here in Switzerland we fire national day on the 1st of august and it’s usually a day we spend with family and close friends. I guess it was too soon to propose that. Maybe he just came to the realization that he wasn’t that interested in you, or sensed that you were rushing things a bit… idk but anyway, if this is the case, good that he cancelled the breakfast. Try to date someone else, and don’t reach out again. Sometimes when they cancel a date, guys just disappear. And it’s best for you.

Texting a woman to cancel a morning date at 4 am for me is big red flag. He could have called you in the morning maybe 7/8am to apologize and cancel/reschedule. But 4 am? Seriously? at what time did you convey to meet this morning? At 6am?

That’s often what people say. But for highly emotional people, it’s difficult. Having to walk on egg shells all the time when the only think you want is to allow yourself to feel that peak of emotions. I don’t enjoy dating, and frankly none of my friends does. It’s boring, superficial and often times disappointing… what kind of fun do you get in meeting new guys only to start with the same conversations over and over again? Experience, but that’s all… JMHO

Try to remember: if this one is not your guy, he will lead to the right one. I mean by that, I believe that everything happens for a reason in life. You meet guys, it often doesn't work out but you learn and you sharpen yourself... and when mister right will come along, you will be ready for him. You will have gone through dates, learning to slow down or to adjust your behavior and this will serve you for when the right one shows up. Time is your best ally in dating. I don't think you are boring. You self-reflect as a very introspective/interesting person and this is by far not boring. Also tend to think that there is no boring person, the ones you call boring are just people who don't align with your energy or personality... Boring people also get their match (with other boring people LOL) Try to flirt a little bit on your breakfast. Maybe you can touch his arm while laughing, maybe he just need a sign from you that he can escalate on that level.

Seems like its all going good so far! great! I would be annoyed not having received a kiss on second date... It doesn't bother me on the first day/meet, but if I don't get at least a goodbye kiss on the second one, it freaks me out.. but well I suppose it's usual. You are doing a great job taking things slow. Hope you will have a good breakfast together and maybe things will take shape, romantically speaking...

Pick something?? I suggest you reschedule the date... you already made plans as you didn't hear from him... Probably he was keeping his options open for tonight and as he didn't find a better date, he reached out.. IMO

I agree. for having been been dating over 25 guys in 18 month and had conversations with over 50 guys in same period of time, I think it’s called experience. The last one, loverbomber, was also part of it, he was the first one, didn’t know this pattern until I met him. But now I guess I can recognize if another one is presenting the same traits/communication. Call it experience, or skills you get through experience or clairvoyance, whatever… but if you are cautious enough, you can definitely spot the players and the scammers

This is exactly how I was feeling when things ended with the lovebomber. I was checking at my notifications even if my phone wasn’t on silent mode. the temptation was great to just text a random guy I had in my contacts. And I did it until the point where I wasn’t willing to entertain and make efforts to text back. Have to say that all the guys I would usually entertain, they think I’ve disappeared, or that I’m angry… My actual dating guy has been texting a lot tonight, but I kept it extra short and cut the conversation pretexting I was going sleep. I don’t want to go through this faux sense of connection again… if he wants to talk to me and deepen the connection, he will have to ask me out. I’m still figuring out how I can make him understand that without saying it flat out. also noticed that tonight he has been more flirty, and I didn’t want to engage in that kind of risky conversation. Way to soon…

Don't know if this will help but.... I used to go on dates, playing the game of seduction, touching, even kissing at the end and be very open, friendly even if I had no real interest towards the guy. it might be unfair but, I used to kiss them at the end just to access that it wasn't there... sorry. Guy would also do that to at least get a one night stand if they don't feel the chemistry... She could have found better or getting back with an ex, but at the end I think she just didn't feel the spark, or at least not enough to want to see you again. But I cannot understand why she said you were her type and the compliments... I think this is a bit to much. I would never say that to a guy i'm not feeling unless it is to play him...

I have been thinking about my past relationships today and what texting really brought to them. And I have to confess that I finally don't find much... outside maybe the little anxiety of not hearing from a guy i liked or having him reach out and making me feel better for a while. But at the end I didn't develop more attraction towards a guy I already knew because of the texting, some of them were even way more interesting through text than in real life... would they text to much = to needy, not enough = not interested... and only when the pace/communication was good, it was because the relationship yet was good. I think for me, texting was a way of staying under someones radar. After my last "lovebombers" experience who would call and text frequently, I decided do slow it down. The last date I had on Sunday was great. No kiss exchanged, he seemed hesitant though. He sent me a goodnight text after that and said he had a great time. I replied equally. I try to keep it at minimum this time to see if it makes any difference. but I already see him jumping on any occasion to make jokes, pursue the conversation, ask questions, but he didn't ask me out again yet... for me this is already a bad sign... @Alex39 my advice is: you planned something for tomorrow right? he didn't confirm the date, so you should already have others plans set up. If he reaches out just explain that you already made plans. So he will know that you are not likely to accept last minute things.

This for when you got some dates yet but aren’t exclusive. I neither expect a guy I saw once to do it automatically, but yeah, somehow, once a day is good… you had a date lately right? So how often do you text her? According the fact that you seemed interested to see her again…

these were very lucky men… not having to putt effort or text in between dates, I guess that’s what they all wish secretly… LOL but again, if they are interested in a woman they will do it with much pleasure. texting also helps you decipher faster between the inconsistent, the ones who are not into communication (as @rainbowsandroses pointed out) the ones who lack humour (which is an essential point to me) the love-bombers, the “I love yous” after one date, the boring, the ones who have no life and would text all day long, negative personalities, the ones only looking for sex, the players, etc etc… You can learn a lot about someone in early stages through text, and cut people way faster… I also agree it’s all about balance, and trying not to reach out to much. I think it should be 80%him and 20%her. Also try not to respond immediately. Wait one hour, then 20 minutes, then 5 hours… and from time to time you reply quickly. Also try to change the pattern. Sometimes send a photo, sometimes a audio, don’t be boring, and never reach out when you have nothing to say. Avoid the “what’s up text”… be interesting, funny, kind like if you were talking to a friend. And never share anything too deep through text, keep this for in person meets… In regard to your actual guy, I also sense there is something off. Might not be that compatible with you after all. Give it another try on a second date if you feel like to, but I wouldn’t play my cards on that one… JMO

Well I guess it was more a “rush in” issue, and both of them haven’t been able to recognize it was all going to fast… after one month moving in together with the kids? The constant texting was just a reflect/symptom of their lack of caution IMO.

Could you be more specific, with examples? Isn't it a question of incompatibility that has been revealed through different communication expectations ?

Well I hope I have deeper layers LOL And as for the unpacking the layers, of course it comes with time. texting is just a way to build attraction/complicity and stay in touch a lighthearted way.

I guess if a man likes you he will be more than happy to text with you. I don't mean by that throughout the whole day, but usually sending a good morning text, maybe reach out once in the afternoon and later in the evening... Sure you met him ONCE, but all men don't have plenty of options and don't multi-date either, so I see nothing wrong with showing the woman some interest in between dates, and even mostly for people who are busy or have kids and can't see each other whenever they want to. I don't see it as a pressure... neither an expectation. People who go on date usually want to find a partner in life, so if they are not willing to discover more or aren't curious about the other person's life, what's the point?

He sent he a card after only one date, she cancelled second date, he asked whether she was free to hangout and she never replied… she didn’t even reply to his last text asking how she was doing… who is this lady to be chased like that? Beyoncé?

I totally agree. There might be some deeper issue. Also need to ask whether it really is about that woman or is it the fantasy you build around her… do you stalk her social media? Like checking when she was online for the last time etc… because this kind of obsession you build around someone you don’t even really know often is a symptom of attachment injuries…

Yeah it is unfortunately LOL. you’d better get used to it… In dating you should never take someone at their word. Look for actions instead. Her lack of spoke for her…