Sindy_0311

Let me explain something about my ex husband. When I decided to divorce, he went through many things. He had financial issues, alcohol abusing that made him loose his license for a few month, and he had a hard time detaching from me. after 3 month he decided to start dating, he met a girl online, but he confessed to me that she wasnt really his type, (brunette and a bit overweighted, he likes skinny blondes) anyway he dated many other girls and they somehow kept in touch and after 16 month they met again. Now he is all into her because he got his *** together and is ready to build something. Would she have blocked him at that time, they wouldn't have what they have now. So let me rephrase the title of this thread: Should I block him?

He isn't married, they weren't. What makes you think he was looking for financial assistance? I deleted him from every social media including the dating app. But I didn't block him on WhatsApp... Let me explain why: - The purpose of this thread is to know whether he was playing me or was just in a bad state in his life and therefore wasn't ready for anything>thus the probability he would reach out again in a few month. I think you all have different point of views about that. - I used to date guys, and never blocked them after because there was no animosity or anger. And I still have good contacts with them. - I'm silent. I won't reach out. I'm just curious if he will. If he does, the best he could do is ask for a hookup so at least I get my full answer and will be ready to block him... In a sense I prefer that than never knowing whether he reached out. Im at this point where it's not 100% clear yet. I did address these Red flags by telling him we would not make it, by moving on and stopping the communication. But these red flags you mention are applying to his CURRENT situation... how about in a few month...?

Now that you mention it, I was surprised when he told me that. But I also felt like wanting to see him again so I assumed it was genuine from his part. But yes, was a bit too much. I remember on the second date he started making associations on how we would call our couple, what would sound best (something like "Romeo&Juliet"or "Juliet&Romeo") ... Ouch. Agree. I'm always cautious in not giving my name's correct spelling, because I know if they google it, they can find some press articles about me, or my linkedIn profile, and find out where I work, and many details about me. Also I try not to give my number, I usually use Telegram for text, it allows to just give a subscribers name without number... I'm lucky I never had to deal with a weirdo until now. Even if some of them found out where I work and tried to come see me. Exactly. I will definitly try to give myself more time to figure them out. That's funny because yesterday, I was supposed to go on a date but I cancelled as I was too tired. I had been texting for two days with this guy, was all ok. But at 11pm yesterday he texted me asking random things and suddenly he asked whether I would go "touch myself" while going to bed.> immediately blocked him. I mean, would I have gone on the date with him, would have been a waste of time... That's why I also prefer texting for a few days or having calls to decipher their intentions before meeting them. When guys start to talk about sex or ask for "intimate things" I know what it's about and it allows me not to waist my time.

Thank you for your advices. I will implement it from now on. Completely worth the try…

I hope it was the case, because I'm beating myself up since a few days trying to analyze where I missed the thing... His finances, I don't think it's really bull***, I think he does have serious issues because he explained and detailed everything. he talk about the woman he met online (not for real) just before me and explained in details how she convinced him to invest, and how he lost all his savings and went to the police etc. (he also mentioned that on our first date, but not that exactly...) But I guess he used all his financial issues as an easy exit.

Ok, I didn’t feel used in the sense that I enjoyed myself without regret. But I guess this is not how you trigger respect from men, and I definitly don’t want them to think they got what they wanted when they leave. So you are right. I understand why it could be wrong doing it so fast… Maybe the obvious red flag was him fading out after sex, and maybe he would have faded out without it, but at least I wouldn’t have doubted about him being just using me…

Yes you are right. But I’m also willing to just enjoy myself without thinking that far… and I know how to run away from guys that I don’t feel ok… I’m not that busy to the point I don’t see the red flags. a friend of mine told me that Italian guys are very complimenting and all in since the beginning, and yes he was. But he didn’t promess me anything. He told me he liked me but thats it. He seemed a balanced guy after all… what you call lovebombing, for me was just a guy conveying his attraction. So I still don’t know where I missed the red flag…

Well he told me it wasn’t easy for him to confess his situation, that he is a looser. He also said he is going through the worst period of his life… go figure. He said on the phone that he was willing to try something when we first met each other. But he realized it was not possible now as he is depressed, he went to a therapist for first time last Friday he said. i guess it’s all bull***… I don’t know if this changes anything but the karaoke date he was up for it, I canceled. And it was after we had sex together. The thing is I do sense when I have to deal with the perfect archetype of players but this one I didn’t see it come…

In fact I do enjoy serial dating. Having sex or not isn’t influencing my bounding with guys. I used to have dates with guys, have sex with them and just move on. No big deal. I don’t bound just because I get intimate, it’s more likely intellectual connection and physical attraction. I could try not having sex to soon, but in fact In this case I think it wouldn’t have changed anything. Or I would have waited until 6th week to realize what he was about. Better sooner than later. I’m not wondering about him loosing interest, I just want to have another perspective about his behavior or his real motivations to learn something out of it. What I liked about him was his charisma, and the intellectual connection (if really there was any) maybe I got blinded by that? I don’t know

I agree with everything you said, except the red flag of financial issue he didn't told me about... There is no way I could have known it, he just said he was looking for a new job after stopping with his food truck...

Hey you all, just need your wise insights on my last dating case. As you maybe know, I’m single, dating also guys I meet online. I meet that Italian one 3 weeks ago. I always try to learn something from these relationships, so here is the story: We started conversations on dating app, he liked my profile first, after a few days, video call, and the day after (Thursday), first meet. Was good, we had a drink, went for a walk at the sea and went back for a last drink. We kissed and hugged a lot. He said it was first time he felt so good on a first date and that he likes me. We left and he proposed to come to the movies with me two days after, on Saturday. He arrived with a rose, said he missed me. The time we spent together was good too. He drove me home and I invited him for a last drink. We hugged kissed a lot but nothing happened, as he also knew I was on my period and that I wasn’t willing to. But he asked if he could sleep with me. He did and went the next morning. Every day he used to text throughout the day about what he was doing, sending photos, songs, and at night he used to ask for a call. On Tuesday afternoon, he sent me a photo of him on a terrace and asked for me to join him, I said I didn't have the car, but that he could come eat a pizza with me. He came, we went for the pizza and later went home and had sex. He left at midnight, said he had an appointment the next morning. He didn’t sleep with me. We agreed that I would go two days after (Thursday) to his karaoke watch him sing. On Thursday evening, I came home from work and was feeling to tired and sick. I asked him if he was busy and he called me right away. I thought he was calling to cancel the date but he didn’t, he just told about his day and asked what time I would arrive. I said I couldn’t make it and apologized. He texted me at 2am, goodnight with a disappointed emoji. The next day, on Friday, that’s when it started to fizzle out. He was a bit colder, I asked him if everything ok, he told me he had some issues to fix. To what I replied with a simple OK text. On that night, at 11pm, he sent me a long long text explaining all his financial difficulties, also how he got robbed (fake inveestment) and had nothing left. I told him I appreciated his honesty but that I would have preferred knowing sooner. To what he replied, he was feeling bad/***ty about it and had to tell me this first. Saturday, a bit cold also just a good morning text and one in the afternoon… I called him in the evening to talk about his long long text, he explained the things and said he couldn’t even afford come see this month me because he has no money left in his account. He lives 50minutes away from me. I told him I was willing to meet someone who is ready to pursue a serious relationship and we both agree that we wouldn’t make it. We wished each other all the best, without any anger. On Wednesday, I called him at night to ask something about the girl who robbed him as I know someone who went through the same.(was a mistake from my part) He didn’t get the phone, but next morning texted me to call back whenever I wanted to. I said I would do later. The day after, as I still didn’t call him he texted me, asking which day exactly I would call him with a winky emoji. I called Saturday morning and he explained his case, asked some random things about me, we talked a bit and then we cut the call and wished each other well again. Since then nothing. I haven’t texted, he neither, and I don’t feel like to. I am just moving on. I unfollowed him on social medias and It’s clear for me that I will not reach out again. Still I noticed has been active on the online dating app since Monday. A few details for the context: He is separated from a 10 years relationship since last December, he has a 4 years old daughter, part time custody. He blocked his ex on social media and what’s app, he said they didn’t part well, their couple was facings serious communication issues since a few years. He is searching for a job and lives now with social income, which is very little, he is also 40. He was displaying all the signs of interest, complimenting my looks, my style, my humour, my talents, asking questions about me, being curious and very chivalrous, but never lovebombed me tough. He used to pay for drinks/dinner. He is not what you call a good looking guy even if he has charisma. (this is the opinion from a friend of mine) he also told me I was the first woman he has slept with since his separation, and that he never had a causal relationship with anyone as he doesn’t like it. He only wants serious/committed. He also said he didn’t like having sometimes to wait 3 or 4 hours for me to text back that it was making him feel uneasy. See, I don’t want to date broke men, I already did and it went wrong, So my question is, is there a probability that he will reach out again to me once he gets his sh*** together in a few month and after having truly healed from his recent breakup and after having gone through other dates. Did you have similar experiences? For the note: I’m moving on, I won’t contact him again, I will go on dates and I’m still positive to the possibility of finding my mister right. This Italian guy thing is just a little deception that I still need to clarify… Thx in advance for sharing your experiences or insights.

OMG, you met her online, you have been chitchatting, you are just a complete stranger to her. What did you expect? She is a good looking woman, as you say probably have tons of options, and she agreed for a date in July when she will be free. She might have much of work now, she might be very busy or have to travel, and her saying she will be free in July is just Ok. She doesn’t know you yet, you are still abstract to her, so she doesn’t owe you anything. Just leave her alone for now and call her or text her in July. You are not part of her life yet, I suggest you respect her distance and try to date other people til then…

Let me ad this: There can be many reasons. Maybe she is dating someone else for the moment, maybe she just got out a serious relationship, maybe she has to deal with something more important, maybe it’s just wrong timing, maybe she doesn’t like you that way. She’s got her reasons. I would suggest you just stay polite and friendly, no reason to avoid her. Maybe someday she will be ready to date you… who knows. But for now, let her go.

I think you had your answer when you started the thread. when you have to wonder about someone’s interest, it usually means it’s not there… sorry

I thought only physical attraction is what men look for… 😁

Well, I have an other opinion there. I don't invite them for coffee. I wait until they do it. I mean, I'm already interacting with the guy, why should I invite him. The firs time I did it, it turned out I had to go to his part. which I never did BTW. It's the man's job to invite the girl and stick out from the others. Also have to mention that Online dating is a long process. You probably won't find your guy in weeks. I have been trying apps for two years now, and I can easily say I met many poor quality guys. But with time I'm getting better at deciphering a good to a bad profile/person. For instance: I don't get players anymore, because now I recognize them very well. Also would suggest you stick to only one app. because if guys see you have profiles everywhere, it looks kinda desperate. also don't mention you want marriage kids etc early on. because IMO guys don't necessarly look for serious relationships, they get into one once they have feelings for the woman. Try to privilege connection, be fun, kind and try to enjoy yourself. Don't put any pressure on it. Also agree, try to set a meet after 2/3 days of texting, no longer, and instead of simple calls, I suggest video calls. easier to now whether you are really attracted to the guy and vice versa. But hey, I have to say that online dating sucks... I don't really see high value men there... you better don't loose your time, just go out and find them in RL.

Yea. Of course. I remember one guy I had a crush on, we slept together pretty soon and I didn’t like it. So, sometimes it’s easier to « test drive » to stop fantasize about someone. And somehow I find it easier to let go when I know the potential (or lack of) of the guy. At least I had a full picture and don’t fantasize about what it would have been like to sleep with him. It makes it easier for me to go next…

Let me rephrase: it can be a turn off for men that aren’t 100% into you… I think there’s no way you can trigger interest just by making them wait. It’s either there or it’s not from the start. But I agree when you say OP should feel comfortable having sex no matter the outcome. I’ve had sex with guys after 3 dates knowing that it wouldnt lead anywhere and I was ok with it. But I also and huge cruches on guys I never slept with because I didn’t want to go to fast but at the end it didn’t change anything as I had a hard time letting them go as well…

I’ve been thinking about this today. Because i also struggle a bit in dating. And finally, I came to the conclusion that you just have to do you. No matter if you have sex on the 3rd date or wait for exclusivity, when the right person appears, it will make no difference. We all have different lives, experiences, personalities. We all go on our own path. If guys withdraw after having sex, they just weren’t the one. You can do no wrong when you meet mr right. So my advice would be to just continue dating those men, being yourself, sleeping with them if you want to, and someday you will meet the one who will appreciate your authenticity and be aligned to your pace. Stop thinking that there is something wrong with you, or that you should change anything in your behavior. The only thing that’s wrong is that your man didn’t crossed your path yet. Be patient…

I think there is a problem with waiting for exclusivity to have sex. Me personally, I couldn't go exclusive with a guy without trying him. I mean, for me physical intimacy and sexual compatibility is as important than the rest, if not more... So how could I pretend to be exclusive, or asking him to be if once we tried I don't like it for any reason... I also know that my feelings or my attachment cannot grow if I don't get intimate with a guy. How can you be exclusive with someone that you don't feel completely. This is the drama of my dating life LOL

I learn a lot too, and somehow enjoy meeting new people. But still I tend to believe that it’s a loss of time. So easier to meet guys in real life without all this texting/ call process, which in my opinion, diminishes the excitement, spontaneity and therefore the quality of the person you are going to meet…

So is it fair to assume that online dating didn’t lead to anything for you? Because to what I understood you married your coworker. A friend of mine told me yesterday to stop online dating and to just wait for someone to show up in real life. It’s been two years now and I don’t see any result with those guys… like OP.

I would rather invite her to do something, concert, activity or try a new restaurant. If she accepts, yet you know she might be open for more… if she declines then at least you know you have been friend-zoned… I would set up a more meaningful or Romantic context instead of just throwing the thing at her face while walking with the dogs. Don’t forget that she is seeing someone right now, so you better upgrade your game…

Do you think she knows what you want from her? I mean if a guy starts to slow down while dating or being in a relationship I assume he isn’t ready or not that into me. maybe time to display your cards before she gets something serious with the other guy. Could be she is waiting for you to make a real move. And I don’t mean by that walk with the dogs. I mean something like invite her out to diner and confess your feelings… After all, you don’t really know what’s going on between her and this guy.

Can you explain why you said that? I don’t get it… and why did you ignored her while partying? Are you sure you are really into her? Isn’t this all about your ego? Sindy 🇨🇭