Sindy_0311

Even if that was the case, that he was dumped for instance, is it a big deal if he shows interest through the time? I mean I also got disappointed lately by someone I really liked and wasn’t sure about willing to meet new guys. But doing so also helps me go through this disappointment. And with time I think less and less about him. I just need to fall in love with someone else. If really he wasn’t ready to date again or was broken-hearted, he would not have come yesterday and show so much interest… don’t you think?

I don’t think he is in a relationship. Yesterday he mentioned many things according to him being single, like lately he went to the movies for first time alone and it was weird to him, also that he planned to go on a 4 day trip with his friends in summer and that he didn’t felt like going on a trip alone yet. He told me he likes going for long walks alone or go motorcycling. He told me about his last weekends and daily habits. with whom he is and what he was doing etc… I don’t know…

I never experienced a bad first meet. They always showed up and it always went well, attraction was always present as I try to only meet guy I’m attracted to physically and with good conversation. I met about 10 or 12 guys last year and it always went well. Like talking a lot and almost always exchanging kiss at the end (if not on first meet, I always got a kiss on the second one) The trouble is more after the first meet or first date when I see inconsistency or flakinesses… if someone flakes on me once, I give benefit of the doubt, but second time I cut off. Also I met many guys pretending they look for something serious only to find out it was not the case…

Since this morning he is texting in a casual way, making some jokes, he also sent me a pic of him at work and asked me to send a pic of me also. I would rather him saying he enjoyed the night and ask me to see him again. I do not respond immediately to his texts, he begins double texting when I don’t respond. for the moment it’s ok I will go on with the discussion as I don’t work today. But I know I won’t be able to do it for the coming days as I have busy weeks at work and I get bored soon with the texting thing… how can I make him understand I will not be willing to text the whole day every days?(mostly if he doesn’t ask me out again) Should I just answer in my pace to make him understand I’m not as available…? (I use to respond to texts after 2 or 3 hours as I often have meetings at work)

I know, that’s exactly why I will not have to many expectations about this guy. I’ll give him a chance to show who he is through his behavior, but meanwhile i will still date other people. I’m not trying to make excuses for his wishy washy style, but he told me being very shy with women. Like being able to sit at a bar for 3 hours without ever find the courage to approach a girl he is attracted to… he is strange case haha

Hi, I do get many likes on my profile but I don’t alow many guys to text me as I also have specific physical preferences. (In this app you have to like the person back to allow a conversation) I usually text with 3 or 4 guys on same time but remain with the most interesting one (I mean in conversation) I don’t text with the one looking for casual or hock up. I don’t think is a big deal showing fleaky when you don’t know the person. It’s just a picture and a name on a screen. The same goes for me. He had been dating for 10 years, and sometimes girls don’t showing up for first meets and he is 42. Maybe a bit tired of this process. He knows I’m staying with the kid until next week, so maybe he will arrange something for the weekend in two weeks. We will see. He texted me yesterday night, and this morning early. Also I think he might have stayed so long and kissed me on the go to try getting something more out of me yesterday. It’s a possibility, so I will try not to be to enthusiastic about him!

I finally met him tonight. I had a good time, he showed interest in me, leaning towards, making much eye contact, paid for diner and we talked a lot. He said the text this morning was because he was afraid of being disappointed or of me not liking him. Had nothing to do with him going through a heartbreak or something like that. He kissed me before leaving and said he had a good time and wants to see me again. So it’s all I expect for a first meeting. I will see how he behaves in the coming days. I like him but I will stay careful…

Oh gosh!! This guy is a complete waste of time haha

Trouble with that discussion is he sent me the cancelling text saying he was sorry he would not make it for the night as he is not ready to share anything right now. Then he said sorry for making me lose my time. I didn’t replied right away waited a few minutes, meanwhile he texted again asking me what I was thinking about all this. That’s when I said I understood, wrong timing etc.. he immediately said let’s see each other anyway. Would I have said I had other plans It would have been an obvious lie…

Yeah, you might be right. But why didn’t he simply cancelled?

I see Batya. I think the difference is in the goals we have. I had a marriage yet, a good husband and now I have my son. I don’t want to get married or any kids anymore. I enjoy my career, my kid and just want to find people I can connect with. I lost many of our friends during our divorce, so if I don’t get a relationship, at least I can enlarge my social life. I don’t have many expectations, just want to enjoy my single life, meeting new people, trying to get better social socially skills and maybe someday I will find my one. The purpose for me to post on this forum is also because I’m interested in social psychology and trying to understand people and the way they behave. Being someone’s therapist doesn’t bother me as I already did and learnt a lot, and I also have to mention I have a tendency for drama that makes me feel alive 😅. As you said, I do me, you do you 😉

I know, you explained to me someday, your goal in meeting someone. What I mean by dating machine is you cut people off very soon. We are humans, having our troubles, lives and we sometime make silly or bizarre things. I do believe that we should try to understand people better even in the dating process. If someone makes a mistake ones, it’s ok, you address and if they repeat, you move on. But you cannot expect people to be behave perfect when you don’t even know them yet and are not part of their lives. Dating is also trying to create connection in all acceptable levels. I don’t think I’m being naive, just aware of peoples complicated personalities. I’m not perfect either, I used to make mistakes in the dating process, trying to test or playing games, but would the guy I was interested in have been more comprehensive with my dark sides and not cut me off right away, maybe I would have felt more confident….

Batya, The thing is I didn’t convince him of anything. I replied it was ok, wrong timing etc…. And he directly said he wanted to meet anyway. That’s my concern. I hope someday I become a dating machine like you 😅

Thank you for your wise point of views. If he doesn’t flake on me, I will go. I will approach it carefully, without expectations and if it turns out as a waste of time at least I will have learnt something more. If I feel any interest from his part, I will address the text he sent me this morning to cancel. I will let you know how it goes haha…

This is not likely as we have been texting continuously, and it all happened within 5 minutes or so…

Thank you wiseman, maybe he is in a relationship. I don’t know him yet. I will maybe go just to figure out what kind of man he is. Don’t you think people can do silly things just because of fear? In the past i did cancel dates or meets just because I felt ***ty In the moment and didn’t have the courage to fear rejection. First meets are sometimes just a tough first step before feeling more confident with the person.

Yeah I told him I understood, and mentioned timing not being best for him. That’s where he replied he wanted to see me anyway. What I think, you tell me if I’m wrong Batya, is this was a way of trying to make it more comfortable for him, like with less pressure by fear of me not liking him. Could be possible?

Hi, I wondering about a guy I’m supposed to date tonight for first time. We have been texting on an app for one week, conversation was good, respectful, trying to learn to know each other a bit. What I understood of him is he doesn’t go out a lot, doesn’t talk with other women and is kind a shy. He asked me out yesterday for today for a first meet. I agreed. This morning he sent me a weird text explaining that he would not come tonight as he isn’t ready to share anything with anyone right now, and apologized to make me lose my time. And simply replied I understood and thanked him for his honesty. Then he said maybe we should see each other anyway and enjoy the drink. I said ok, and then he said he wanted to see me earlier and invite me to have diner instead of just a drink. To which I agreed also. So what do you think. Is he insecure? Or just trying to have a casual date? I need to mention that physically he is an average guy, doesn’t look like the players type I know so well. Also in discussions he actually displays traits of a serious guy. Did you already experience this kind of behavior from a guy? Thanks in advance for your replies!

Yeah, maybe this is the key. I met many guys these last 2 years, and I’m trying to learn from each situation and adjust the way I’m dating to make it easier though time… I’ve been married for 10 years, maybe the reason why it’s so new for me…

Do you have any magic formula to not get jaded? Because frankly, I am and it's getting worse in time... Dating is so dark and disappointing.

I also had a misunderstanding with a coworker lately, about his interest towards me. I have been analyzing his signs again and again and it became like an obsession. In my case we had much more interactions and there were even more signs, this only to find out that he wasn't really interested. I have also been posting my issue on this forum and another one. this situation lasted 3 or 4 month (of overthinking etc... ) until someone explained to me what he was looking for and it became clear to me. So I think a guy can appreciate you, stare, smile, ask for your number etc... even if there is no real desire to ask you out or have a relationship with you. I suggest you assume he's not into you until he makes a real move on you. Or you assume that he likes you (why wouldn't he? you are amazing) but until he doesn't make things clear, you go on living your life and meeting other guys. The danger in these situations is to lose yourself in it and think about it non stop and maybe even ignore the good guys who are really interested in you and are boyfriend potential. I hope this helps...

I had the same issue with my ex, it ended because I totally lost interest for him, and therefore respect. Can you imagine yourself on a road trip for 10 hours with him just talking? If not, not your person… move on.

You are right. I better leave him alone. But it’s so rare for me to finally find someone i’m attracted to. I’ve been dating so much these last years and never felt this kind of feelings. Thx anyway for the time you spent trying to solve my case. I appreciate so much 🙏

I do have feelings for him. It’s not a ego boost thing. Even if I don’t really see it long term, I do think we can learn from each other and could have a beautiful relationship for the time being. We are both being single, so I don’t see any issue with enjoying each other. Unless he is really looking for a woman who can give him kids. That’s a point I wish I could discuss with him someday… but we never got so far in our conversations and I’m getting to a point were I just want to know… even if it’s to end up like friends… I’m to curious and frankly it’s the first time I think about a guy so much…

I know I still can have kids. I got pregnant last year. But still you are right. Maybe not the right fit after all. But me I would rather find someone to spend my life with rather then focusing on my desire for kids. Maybe he should find himself a younger girl then…