Radiant41

First day of the work week anyway

Monday. First day of the week. I'm setting that boundary!

I'm bad at dating and this is definitely one of my issues. I struggle to be blunt when the time calls for it. But I see what you're saying about me creating a bigger issue. I've kept it work only 'til now but he keeps pushing me for a game night. I've told him I'm to busy hoping he'd get the idea... but he isn't getting it. I gotta be mature with this and just address it. Bleh. I hate being blunt.

Challenging him to answer his own question is great! It's training him anyway that way and creating that distance.

Thanks for the wording. I would have struggled with that.

A new guy came to work. We work very closely together. We work very well together. We soon became friends but strictly joking around mainly about work. Then he really surprised me by asking me out. I was very shocked. I thanked him for the compliment (when I should have gracefully declined) and asked time to think about it. I finally told him that due to close work proximity and because of something very complicated and difficult I am working through that is using up all of my energy I can't. This isn't true. If I was attracted to him I would have gone out with him. (not an issue with our company) But I didn't want to say that to him so I copped out. He got a little pushy but I kept saying no and he dropped it. We still have to work closely together. He assures me nothing has changed. He took over my former position. My former position is VERY intense. There is no outlet in that position, no one to consult or get help from. It is a lot to deal with. It bleeds into nights and weekends. So he reaches out to me on his lunch break, to vent, consult, go over things. This turns into joking and talking about shared interests. I try to keep it strictly work but it feels cold, abrupt and unkind. Then I think I made a mistake. He bought me a couple gifts in the past (Christmas, just because once). I specifically made sure not to reciprocate. But he did me a huge favor (HUGE) at work and I felt I needed to return the favor so I bought him a meaningful gift as a thank you. He has gone on a bit about the gift and how much it means to him coming from me and how special it is etc... He's commented multiple times on the fact that I gave him a gift. Am I "leading" him on? I don't want his feelings towards me to grow. If leading him on, I don't see a way to change things.

Lol, I appreciate your humor. And very much appreciate your experience and advice. It helps me to see, that yes, initially we can question, and do question it at times, but when there is enough in common you focus on that.

The @ sign worked! Thank you!

@Sindy_0311 @Cherylyn @Nebraskagirl14 @Jibralta @Geroge Bensen @Batya33 @Wiseman2 @jul-els @OliviaJJJ @Jaunty I hope I didn't miss anyone in this message. This is another thank you. The different perspectives were so incredibly helpful. I was able to look at the last few conversations from both angles. I will be letting him know tonight it is not something we should move forward with. I hope nobody minds, but you have all been so incredible, when a next dating question comes up, I'd like to tag all of you! You've been the "awesomest" And once more I thank you for taking the time to reply to me.

No. I cannot. No, I could not. And he is very capable to do that, the 10 hour talk. I tried to lighten it up last night with jokes, with interruptions to ask to move the conversation along. I was more aggressive, and he got irritated with me. I feel pretty confident I know what to do.

Thanks for this. Giving life examples really helps. Appreciate it.

THANK YOU!

Wait. Now a follow up question. Can one of you tell me how to tag all in a final message or something like that? I thought spelling it out would do that and it didn't. Thank you

Batya33 jul-els Wiseman2 oliviajjj jaunty jibraltar A big thanks to all for taking the time to reply! Everyone gave me some really great points. First time on a dating forum and will definitely recommend this forum to my friends. I definitely have enough good information here to have a good idea of how to move forward during his visit (he already booked his flights). I will mark this message as a solution, (I think that closes it out) because I got what I need!

Thanks for replying! I want this to work out with him, because there is so much listed above in what you said. But I wanted to be realistic. He is already flying down in February, so I'll discuss with him and see if there is a chance of moving forward.