butterfly6233

Agreed. I do not need to be told I am loved every second. That is not the problem. I need consistiency. I can handle someone who wants to show me how much they love me, but if I ask them how they feel, I would like them to be able to articulate their love for me. Just as anyone would, I would like that person to tell me how much I mean to them. And, if they must show their love through their actions, I would appreciate their actions being consistent as well. What I cannot handle is having it all one second and vanish into thin air the next. It is like an emotional roller coaster when that happens. I have NEVER dated the self-absorbed, all over the place type. I could not handle dealing with that level of insecurity and constant excitement. I need someone to diffuse me a little bit. Aren't their mellow people who aren't afraid to say how they feel? I mean, I think we are stereotyping a little too much here. Maybe what I am looking for is not the norm, but it never has been. I think you are right though... the two do contradict eachother when you put them in there most extreme form.

There were not really too many signs that worried me about him. I tend to go for easy going guys that are pretty mellow, as I can be high strung. I suppose he never really stuck his neck out for me emotionally. He always did such nice things for me though, and I felt like it made up for the fact that he did not or could not express himself verbally. But, eventually both his words and his actions were lacking or inconsistent. One day he would show up at my house with a surprise gift, and the next he would not even call me. There were many times where he said he would call me, and either called me really late or just left a text message. It was as if he was trying to back off, trying to stay in control of the situation. He gave me things and was thoughtful in that respect, but he also gave me emotional support. Whenever I communicated my need for him to be there, he was right there by my side. Emotional support is very important to me, but so is its very expression. When you ask someone how they feel, and they cannot or will not tell you --- it feels like the most ultimate rejection. I felt like he purposely held back. I need someone who is expressive and will let me in...I do not want a partner who is overly dependent, but rather appreciates me for who I am and what I can offer them. I feel like I give this tenfold to my partner, and it is the way that I was raised. I need sponteniety, excitement, and the thrill of being adventurous with my partner. You know, he never showed up once to my house unexpected. After a year a half... not once. Why? I could never figure that out. I suppose everyone is different. I guess this whole thing has been a learning experience. You cannot make someone love you the way that you need to be loved. Everyone displays their love in a different way... and some do not have the tools to fully experience it.

Yes, I do know. I love that I have wishful thinking. Even though I know what the facts tell me, I still have this eternal optimist belief that love conquers all. If only that were true?!? I suppose it is true if you take "Love will conquer all" to mean that love will always get us through... I feel really grateful to receive your outside perspective. Thank you for helping me to build my strength back and consciously recognize what should be obvious. How do I prevent myself from choosing this type of partner again? I must have bargained for this type of relationship. What is the lesson in all of this?

I think you are both right. In fact, I know you are right. I really cannot rely on anyone else to make me feel totally wanted anyway. I need to do that for myself. I did send him a very long email, outling my feelings of why things ended the way that they did... and stating that I cannot have a meaningful relationship with someone that cannot and does not want to have progression of the relationship or talk of a future. It was more for resolution for me than it was for him, although a small part of me still wants his response. Perhaps it is me that is afraid of being close. Maybe I wanted his approval because I was seeking the attention of man who somehow remsembles my father... who knows? All I know is that I did choose him. I chose to love him... The thing that gets me is that he is telling his friend that the real reason he can no longer be with me is because I said that I miss flirting. I said that I missed feeling validated and wanted. I told him that I needed to feel like he wanted the relationship like I did, and I started to feel guilty because I felt like seeking that outside of the relationship. I did not mean that I wanted or needed to flirt, and I explained that to him. I meant that I needed his verbal affirmation that this relationship was something that he wanted... and he could not do that. He sad, "I don't want my emotions to get out of my control. I feel crazy when they do." His mom is a manic depressive. What gets me is that he is blaming me... saying that I tried and wanted to break things off with him. I wanted to work things out. And, you guys are right again. I CANNOT do the emotional work for him. And, I won't. I guess I need to move on with my life. And I want to - I just do not know to feel emotionally unstuck. My tendency is to blame myself. I tend to take on all of responsibility of things not working out. How do I stop doing this?

So, I still feel unsettled. I feel like things are not fully resolved in my mind. I feel like he tried to blame me for the break up, and is not wanting to to just tell me he cannot do this. He said stuff like, "I cannot be with you right now" and "I am scared." I really want to talk to him, but I do not want to put myself in an even more awkward position of being rejected once again. It seems to me that it was left that he needed several days to mull things over in his mind... and its been almost 2 weeks. I feel like his behavior is really selfish and very telling. Even still, I feel like I need one last conversation to truly put this to rest. Should I try to talk to him? I already sent him a card, to which he did not reply... but, I know he is trying to bury his emotions. What is a girl to do?

My boyfriend and I have been together 1.5 years. We get along famously for the most part, but I get insecure when he pulls away from me. He started out by not calling when he said he would or dropping off the face of the planet when I started to feel close. He is 9 years older than me, and I just graduated from college. He is very settled in the town that I met him, and I agreed to stay to be with him. I felt like he was not totally committed to me or the relationship in the same way I was committed to him. All along our relationship, he has very rarely initiated anything, but this is the way that he is with everyone. I learned to accept it as a part of him. Later in the relationship though, when I started making sacrifices to be with him... I started to feel really scared. He never talks about our future together and gets very uncomfortable when I broach the subject. I am not ready to get married, but I want to be with a man who makes me feel wanted. I asked him if he had ever thought about what it would be like to live with me, and he basically said no. He says he has thought about marriage and what that would be like. He also says that he wants to get married and have kids someday. I even get the feeling that he does not want me to visit him at work. He gets really uncomfortable when I do... and I take it as rejection. He wants me to know that I am loved, but he fears letting his emotions get out of his control. So, I suppose he has always attempted to keep me at an arms length. Its like we have only been dating 6 months sometimes. The problem is, he is one of the most wonderful men I have ever known. He is a beautiful man, inside and out. He knows what his limitations are and seems to be too scared to do anything about it. He says it has to do with past relationships and his family. He has never gotten close to anyone. I am the closest he has ever gotten to another human being. He longest relationship besides the one he had with me was 4 months. Several weeks ago, I got totally emotional and told him not to let me go. That I loved him so much, and that I wanted him to want me like I wanted him... and I told him how unwanted I felt. I felt like he could wake up and be fine without me if I were to vanish. I told him that I did not feel valued, and that I felt so, so hurt. I basically let all of my bottled emotions out. I had to. They had been eating away at me for so long. The next day we talked briefly and decided to talk the following evening. When we finally did talk, he convinced himself that I wanted him to break up with me. He started the process of shutting down. No matter what I told him or options I suggested as to what I thought would make things work... he could not or did not want to hear me. He said that he did not see any other option... that he had tried really hard to open up. We cried and talked for 3 hours. He said he could not be with me right now. I asked for how long? A couple of days, he said. I called him later that night and asked if we were breaking up, and he said... well, i cannot be with you right now - so I guess we are. I sent him a card more than a week ago, and he has not called, written ---- nothing. It is nearing 2 weeks. Is it really over? I wanted him to tell me that he loved me and wanted me more than anything, not that he was too scared... not that he could not be 100% into me. Should I try to talk to him again or just walk away? I cannot bear the thought of walking away, but I am powerless in this situation. Has anyone else been in a situation like this before? It's not that he doesn't love me... we love eachother immensely. Everyone who has ever seen us together comments on how well suited for one another we are, and how much emotion he has in his eyes for me. The pain of waiting to hear from him is unbearable.

under experience put anything from mowing lawns, to babysitting, to random high school club activities where you had any level of responsibilty. Just think back, I am sure you have had some kind of work experience and just do not realize that it would be considered such. Employers understand that everyone has to start out somewhere.

Hey there, You will get the job. Trust me. Everyone has to start out somewhere, and in entry level positions like fast food, movie stores, retail sales, etc. you do not necessarily need to have experience. Just go in, be sharp, fill out the online application, as I am sure there is one... and bring a resume if you are called in for an interview. Be punctual, flexible, and come accross as hardworking. The job is practically yours. ;-) link removed

I have been seeing a guy for the last two months. It has not been physical, with the exception of affection during that time such as holding hands, cuddling, etc. Everything has gone really slow and that is the way the guy I am seeing has wanted it. I have given him space because it seems like he needs it. We probably see eachother once a week since we are both so busy. Last week, we finally kissed and it was explosive. We made out everywhere and it was incredible. Now, I feel scared and this space that I have allowed there to be freaks me out. I want to talk to him, but I am afraid. I feel like I am acting out by flirting and such with other guys instead of just admiting that I really want to be with him. I suppose it scares me. This is for real, and I do not want to step on his toes, but I do not want to get hurt either. I suppose I need to talk to him about what I am feeling. However, I do not want to scare him or make him feel pressure in any way - as he does not respond well to that. I know he really likes me and wants to either be in it 100% or not at all... he is that type of guy. Should I even broach the subject? If so, how?