HomerSimpson

thanks for replying....its difficult when u been raised in the uk but been brought with culture and religion. She thinks she can't go against her parents. She thinks if it doesn't workout...she'll be on her own and no one to support her. Cos her family won't take her back in. I told her thats more enough reason that i will work or will make it work!!! Trust me my family are not going to be happy if i did go ahead with it...i get ultimatums and all the other mumbo jumbo and guilt trips. But when it comes to marriage i personally believe that u have the destiny to make that your own decision and no else should interfere. This is the decision they would have to accept and if they didn't then not really my problem. It doesn't mean that i don't care but its something i as person have to do! As for my ex she's weak in the sense that she's always lived with her parents they've supported her and least she could do is trust them. But i respect that she has a big loyalty to her parents but this could really mess her up if they find the wrong bloke. She doesn't even love the guy...i know arrange marriages are quite successful days. But me being asian (british muslim) there's lot that are going through divorces.Its a trend i've been seeing and times are changing. Only if my ex stopped listening to her parents and was selfish for once to accept that her parents are wrong. And fight for what she believes in....but she say's she tired of fighting, having constant arguments and can't take this anymore. I've given her some space.... i don't want to suffocate her and go against her parents...its decision she has to make herself. The reason has to b her own and believe in1!

Loosing the love of my life and she's slowly slipping away Hi everyone....we've fallen in love one another. The situation is her father. Well i kind i used to see this girl a while back and we had to split bcos of her dad. He doesn't believe in girlfriend...boyfriend thing only arrange marriage blah blah blah. That was 2 years ago...we were going out for a year and half (kept it secret for both our parents) and to call it a day due to her dad catching on and she was scared. So we broke it off 6 months ago we coincidentally met and started seeing one another again. As if we never departed and we grew stronger with one another. So i decided to propose to her and she said yes. I asked her hand in marriage with her dad (cultural and traditional thing) and he said NO. I'm successful got my own place...good job can support one another. But still the answer was no. Its like hitting my head against a brick wall ](*,) . His reason is that am not too religious and am a modern muslim...he likes someone whose not moved on from the ancient times and is basically a priest....oh and he doesn't like it that i live on my own. He thinks am upto no good. Don't get me wrong am no saint! Am laid back and i have mixture of friends of all ethinicity. I still value my religion i don't do drugs...i don't drink alcohol basically the basic fundamentals but with modern twist. I socialise with anyone regardless of there race. Mingle at all parties including xmas...really love it. I can make friends so easily...i can chat to any1 etc etc.....But no...he doesn't like that! Anyway she told her dad about us and thats a really big step on 3 occasions. But on all 3 occasions he said no and promised her to not b in touch with me again. He gave her really guilt trip and made her feel so bad. I told her that i would marry her without her parents blessing regardless of what they say. But she's really afraid and doesn't want to do that. I still love her and she broke up with me recently only due to her dad. Her moms as worse as her dad. She still says she loves me but can't go against her parents wishes. She feels like she owes them sense of loyalty...even if she lives miserable for the rest of her life. Her dad is getting her arrange marriage and she's looked at the guy and has decided to say ok to it. That really hurts bcos she will make a really big mistake and she doesn't realise it. She's spoken to him and said to me she can settle with that. I told her her that..... YOU SUPPOSE TO MARRY SOMEONE U CAN'T LIVE WITH OUT....ANYONE CAN MARRY SOMEONE THEY CAN LIVE WITH!!! (I hope not offended any1 with that comment...so i do apologise) Thing is she's living 2 separate lifes...one with me who she is exactly person she is and no hiding stuff from family, very open. Then she lives another life of what her parents think how she should b living it. I feel that she just wants to get out of her parents place and has said yes to the person her DADDY has found arrrrrrrrgh! But she doesn't realise that if she goes to this other persons house as a wife what makes her think it would b any better. I've tried explaining that to her but she doesn't listen. I'm not prepared to give up on her...she told me to move on and the pain will go eventually with time. I've said this time....i'm going to stick till the end until u get married. Whether u like it or not....even i see my darling getting married to someone else i could move on....knowing that i didn't give up. I really need some help here from u lot....some advice how to tackle this one ???

diggitydog thank u for the reply! Some of your responses have been very helpful. I'm glad that u got straight to the point and told it how it is. Oh she's 24 by the way! But i guess she likes playing mind games. Crimes of passion ha ha!

to laura_5000 and Kellbell you're both sweet hearts for letting me rant alittle its kind of made me feel better. thankU

Thanku KellBell for your reply. I found out on saturday that she does like me and does fancy me the only thing thats stopping her going out with me was we were together but in different sections of the department. I guess what i learnt is that its not enough for her to change her mind! No i'm not going to pine over her. She's really hard one to figure out!

thank u laura! I know i shouldn't be ashamed... i'm feeling the guilt, i guess. When i usually walk down the corridor and see her looking through her office before this happened, she was always happy to see me. Now when i walk down the corridor she doesn't even turn her head I guess this is going to take time for her to trust me again.

no not explained my reasons... i feel like i will be making excuses and i shouldn't have reacted the way i have. I never done something like this so kind of ashamed of what i did. When i did apologise she said " Listen don’t worry about it. It is fine. I just want to remain friends with you, I hope that we still can be? "

I've made a big mistake and i've apologised but here's the story! I kind of messed up this weekend. My feelings for this girl started building up again abit too much overtime. Don't know why I let myself get into that position. I'm even try to date other girls which I have been doing the past couple of months. I've just kept quiet about it like everything else. Anyway she rang to see what am upto (what normal friends do) on sat night. We got talking and to put a long story short I kind of pushed her into going out with me… bad move. When i asked her out through friend i never got explanation why she didn't want to go out. That was 7 months ago. On saturday when she rang me... i asked her whether she had a boyfriend and she said no and replied that no one wants her. Anyway i said i don't mind going out with her and she said do i really mean that. Obviously i said yes and she replied with i don't know. She said its that we work together thats why she doesn't want to go out with me. I mentioned was that the only reason and she responded yes and she does like me very much. So i thought... if thats the reason i guess am going to push this and see if something can happen. After couple of attempts She said yes. Sunday I felt guilty doing that I texted her apologising and seeing whether we were up for the date. She didn't want to go out with me Am recently in the process of purchasing flat which is going too slow and really stressed me out. The date was the only good thing i was looking forward to and said few meaningful words i wish i could take back. I said that i really liked her and i thought she could be the one. i wish i never said this I didn't know who to chat to and this site seems to be the only one I can tell u about this. i need some advice on how to build back the bridges and make friends with her?. We are still friends but there's this awkwardness and i recently found out she doesn't like me anymore is this because of my actions the past weekend?

Am actually going through it and the hardest thing is i have to see her every day at work! When i first saw her she was sweet nice girl no attraction... when she started flirting with me thats when i started falling for her. i did ask her out but got turned down, but the way she looks at me sometimes i think she feels the same way but hiding it well. May be its all in my head... i'm try to date other girls see if i can find some who i get that connection or spark with!

Hi all, the old age question do u believe in love at first sight? Also do u believe one can fall in love with someone and that person doesn't feel for u the same way? It would be nice hear about people's comments/past experiences.

how do i get this girl out of my head??? i see her everyday at work and its really tearing me up inside... i am trying to date other women and i know there would be some really nicer ones than her but most av dated have not been my type. Arrrrrrrrrrrgh its really fustrating! Could someone who have been in a similar situation how they over came this.?

Hi all! My situation is that there's this girl at work ... who works in different department. When i used to walk down the corridor she always made attempt to speak 2me. She winks and always very cheerful and her eyes light up. After couple of weeks flirting i ask her out through her friend and she says no and sees me as a mate . Well this was back in november 2005. Anyway... i recently in the process of purchasing a flat and all of sudden she so interested in me. Asking me loads of questions about the flat and that. Then we have general chit chat asking what each of us are up to the weekend. I tell her am going to my brothers engagement do. Later on that weekend (saturday) she txt's me asks hows it going at me brothers party. Which is really really unsual. (she new there would be girls there at the engagment.. i think she got worried that i might find someone there) All of a sudden i stop giving her attention and she starts making more conversation during the week by emails or in person when we meet at work. When this happens i give in start replying back to her. Then a week or two later i start initiating the conversation/emails and she doesn't reply to most of them. i don't get it! I'm trying to move on and this girl is keep giving me mixed signals. She always looks at me more than the rest of the girls. Text's me if i taken a day off during the week what av i been upto etc... I'm not that shy anymore i make conversation to any1. I believe i've overcome that. It was hard to ask her out the first time and don't know whether to give it one more attempt in asking her out? Or should i leave well alone. Its really hard to make out whats going on in her head. i need a degree in psychology. Two both girls and guys could u tell me whats going on here because am having a hard time making out what she really wants??? Really need your help on this one! many thanks

What are the skills i need to know am not person who's afraid to try things? As days go by i will change and get confident but it helps if i can learn from other peoples experience or mine in this case! so what skills should i be looking for?

Thanks Hasie! Thats the type of inspiration i want! Is there anymore words of wisdom????

Hi all! Well i'm not feeling my best at the moment and need some cheering up! My situation was that i like this girl at my work place and at the beginning it was her who flirted with me! Since i haven't been out with anyone else am not too good in that department if she was flirting! She used to wink, always look my way in the office and smile alot! I did the same only recently i started getting a vibe that she wasn't into me anymore.(i guess i may missed my chance - still don't know). She's not going out with anyone! Anyway i asked one of her coworkers if she like me and found out she sees me as a mate and don't have romantic feelings for me! The way i feel is really gutted bcos i thought she was everything i wanted from a girl and her co-worker said we would have made a great couple. She was sincere, polite, kind and a cute smile! How does someone get over a thing like this! Guys & Girls help me out here bcos i feel probably really down!!! i need some words of wisdom, to bring my confidence levels up. It was her who gave me confidence in chatting to women which i didn't used to do! i was quite shy when talking to them! Now i have more female friends than male friends but none that i feel i would go out with! She was really special !