Naya2279

It's just so hard to do. I've gotten so used to having him around for the past 2 years. I'm realizing now that I've lived the past 2 years for him and not myself and I guess that's the hardest of all of this. I'm so used to being dependent and don't know how to be independent. It's not him that I miss so much, it's the comfortable feeling I guess. Some days I'm so strong and go all day with a smile on my face saying it's time to live a little for me now, and I made it through the first weekend without him just fine. (I used to spend Friday-Sunday at his place) It is time to live for me again. I wanted the freedom, but it scares me to death at the same time. That's why I just could never break up with him.

I've tried telling him over and over again that I just need some time, that maybe in a month maybe we can talk, but I have to make the move. He messed up and I have the control, but everytime I tell him to back off he gets really mad at me and that's when we start fighting. He says he wants to be friends and all, but I can't be friends with the wounds still fresh like this. Yeah, we had a great two years, but the guy that I've been talking to since he got back isn't the guy I've known for the past 2 years. He's totally changed for her.

I know there's better things out there for me, but I just can't stop thinking about him. The thought of those two together just makes me sick. I thought that since I was doubting everything in the first place that it would make breaking up so much easier, but it hurts. I guess I wanted to keep him around and yet still have a break at the same time? If that makes sense.

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years not even 2 weeks ago. I was starting to have my doubts in the relationship and wondered if there was more out there, but I was afraid of leaving him, and then he went and did this. The week before Thanksgiving he informed me that he was going on a hunting trip (which was nothing out of the ordinary, he is an avid hunter) and would be gone the whole week of Thanksgiving. No big deal really. He left on Sunday morning and I was there when he left. We don't live together, but I had spent the weekend with him so I could see him before he left. Anyways, I heard from him Sunday night and Monday afternoon and then that was it. I worried all week because it was very unlike him not to call and I knew something was wrong. I spent Thanksgiving with his family because he told me that I should because my family was out of town and I had to stay because of work. Well, he called me finally on Sunday and I knew something was wrong instantly. He told me that he would be home that evening and that I should come down because he wanted to see me. I called him later and he said that he was running late and wouldn't be home until really late and that didn't make sense to me because he wasn't all that far away. It turns out that he ended up going to Rhode Island (which is like 10 hours away) to visit his ex-girlfriend that he hasn't seen in 5 years. I was crushed. Anyways, Monday morning I was there first thing to collect all my things and just move on. He tried to stop me, he didn't want me to go saying that I didn't have to take them and that what he did wasn't all that bad and that he still wants to see me and what not. I know she's coming to visit because he told me so, but he won't tell me when because he doesn't want me starting something. He said that she doesn't know about me either. He still calls me every night even though I am trying the NC thing. It's so hard not to answer. Last night he told me that I have been annoying for the past few months and I figured out why. I've been questioning him for months. I had a feeling something was going on and I was calling him out on it. I just didn't really realize it at the time. He had to have been talking to her for a while to go and visit her like that. Anyway, I was having my doubts about if he was really the one before, but I just can't stop thinking about him. He wants to be friends, but there's no possible way. I can't do that to myself. If he had just been honest with me about the whole thing I think I could have dealt with it so much more easily than I am now. I've never been cheated on before and this is the worst. Last night I got mad at him again and he told me to forget he even existed and hung up on me...He's the one that keeps calling me over and over and won't let me be...What do I do now?