estella

hey bat_grrl: i have this guy who wont tell me if he wants me or not. I already told him how i felt and now he's just avoiding the issue altogether. I just want a 'yes' or 'no' but sometimes...you cant get that. I also set up a time to meet and talk but it didnt exactely go according to plan. He didnt seem to care as much me, but he wont say it or admit it. Hope things work out a lot better for you. stella

It would be SO scary if we were talking about the same person. But let me answer you questions first: yeah, i still have contact (but at the moment, i'm doing the whole no contact thing). We do the same course at uni. He used to contact me all the time and regularly. It got a lot less regularly when we had a break for a few months...when we got back to uni-it was all still there (for my part anyways). We've always had some form of contact and its like, we've never even left each other sometimes. When i started to contact him recently-he accused me of being obsessed and stalking him. So i'm laying low. I doubt very much that i will ever meet anyone like him-i still think he's the bees knees and its unfortunate that i keep dating these guys who dont 'get me' and he keeps on dating girls who he dumps ever so often. Yeah, we always hook up when we're single at the same time. WHich is a really bad habit. Anyways, we had a huge fight a few weeks ago and so now, we have no contact at all. Its pretty much over for now...we're always angry and in love-its abit draining! Completely random: remember this 80's song: We are young-heartache to heartache we stand, no promises, no demands-love is a battlefield! sorry, but it made me laugh. stel

lizzie-you are describing my guy too. He has serious comittment issues. But i can understand it-he's never had someone actually care about him before and as you said, it scares him. Their feelings for us are strong but they still have to see what else is available...we're young and even i can understand that (even though im suffering for it). i know its a stupid game to play but i actually do think it should be done: you cant make it obvious to him you still want him. It'll just push him away further. But this is where we are isn't it? 2 years later and its like a fight. Staying bc of hope and bc you care VS letting go bc if you were going to get back together you would've by now. its tough huh? stel

thanks lizzie. yeah...i actually do think we're meant to be together as well-if only as friends. Although, maybe thats a long way down the line. I don't understand him at all. But i have ceased contact with him altogether. Sure he still occupies my mind but at least its not as bad as it was before! stel

My two cents: personally i've found that hope (of getting back with ex) impedes the healing process if anything...coz you'll always be thinking 'what if...?' I think hope and waiting can kill you in relationships. I think your other question was answered before: ex's are like security blankets, its so hard to let go, but you do when you find someone new. stel

hey QM-you know what? Im the same age as you and MY friends think im obsessed too. Its not particulary healthy...but hey, if you like someone, you like someone. Its not like one day you decide 'i dont like them' and poof! its all gone! Wouldnt that be nice? I honestly have no advice...i wish i knew if this whole crush thing is normal too...just decided to send a nod of empathy your way! What muneca said made me think tho-i think deep down you know its kinda getting ridiculous but...as i said, what can you do? Sometimes time changes nothing at all... stel

Sheyda-let me ask you: you said you asked a guy out before and see no problem with it-did it change the dynamics between you two becuase YOU asked and he didnt? Just curious. I went out on a limb (didnt ask out but made it really quite obvious) and the guy sort of freaked out. Do some of them like to be on control? Is that why they freak out? What kind of guy likes an aggressive woman anyway? Or alternatively, what kind of guy likes a submissive woman? I dont really understand this guy-i once went to ask him how he felt about us and he was 'not himself' that day (either way, it wasnt the right time to say something serious), i said 'never mind' and he replied 'fine, didnt wanna know anyway' and walked off. That night, i get a call asking 'what did you want to say?' Well...at least life isnt boring. stel

add me to that list! anyways, what about bad boys? i heard that women/girls who go for bad men/boys have serious self esteem issues. Is that true? It also isnt help by the fact that bad boys are so damm hot most of the time. stel

you know, i asked a few guys what they thought about girls making the fisrt move or asking a guy out. They think its a bit of a turn off (the majority of them like the chase) but then, some of them said that if they liked her back the same way-it shouldnt matter who said what first. Hope that made sense! I know people keep saying that this is the 21st century and that its not always the male that needs to make the first move...but in all honesty, thats all im seeing. Girly Eagerness = not good. stella

thanks for the reply guys. I realise that i should just walk away. Its just hard thats all. We do Law together...its a long course...the whole 'no contact' thing has been really hard. Actually...im only feeling in need of advice because its been two years and there are still feelings between us (i know...he's sounds like a idiot but he never used to be)...i was wondering if thats normal and if we didnt have anything between us-would this have dragged on for this long and if he doesnt care...wouldnt he just ignore me? I admit it: sometimes i am blind to his faults but other times i want to be there for him because he doesn't have much support from anyone else. And his friends are drunker stoners who just perpetuate his behaviour, its sad to watch that happen. Plus sometimes, im tired of 'being strong'...ive walked away many timesand have even changed my number....but here i am doing it all over again... sorry...im starting to sound juvie.. stella

This confuses me: When my ex and i broke up last year (on crap but understandable terms), he called me almost every week when he had a few problems/needed help and sometimes just to 'check in'. Even if it was about his new gf i would listen and, although he never really detected the apathy in my voice, things were civil and ok. Eventually, it got less and less frequent and soon we were going our own ways. We've always had a lot in common and are very similar, there used to be a lot of trust between us, and thats what i miss most. This year the calls and contact were pretty rare. He had a new gf and i left them alone, and was civil and polite to him and her. It was almost like we were becoming legit friends again. And when i needed help or advice he would respond...so things were okay, i really thought we were going to become really close friends again. Then they broke up. He started talking to me more (in person) but when he said 'you looked really good today, we should spend some time together'-i kinda dismissed it, knowing he'd never follow through with an actual invitation and i'd be the rebound. I was right. He kept on saying things but never following through. This was fine with me for awhile (in my head i was going: 'oh he's just like that..think nothing of it'.) This goes on for a month or so. First of all, why does he still say these things to me? Secondly, i realise this is the case of the ex-you cant stand seeing them happy so you've gotta do stupid stuff to annoy them. On more than one occasion his friends would call me on his phone (i can hear him in the background) and berate me for ignoring him and messing with his head, they also said something on the lines of 'he still has feelings for you'. I HAVE to dismiss these things to protect myself but....Unfortunately, i fell back in love with him. Bloody hell. Then, some weeks later, after thinking about it, i told him i liked him. And he freaked out. He's been avoiding the question ever since. And now once again (its been 4 weeks), i am trying to get over it-the wanting to be with him. But more than anything I just want answers and he refuses to supply them...yet when i ask/confront him in person he'll never talk to me like a normal person. He'll kinda just nervously laughs it off and jokes around and i get so annoyed the conversation always ends there. He recently told his friends that i'm stalking him and am some kind of obsessed psycho...which just blew me away. It just really hurts when he says something like that...i think it might be becuase of his friends-i know he's actually a decent guy. But should i now lay low and forget about him or continue to ask for answers? Its really affecting me, i dont know if its affecting him but i do know this whole is a lot bigger than it should be. I genuinely like him as a person (much to the disgust of my friends and family) and care about him even if i get treated like crap....but if you care about someone, aren't you meant to stick by them no matter what? argh...confused. thanks for reading, stella