sue

Wow! I hadn't checked this forum for the longest time and I was quite surprised that anyone had actually READ my post. Well, here is an update: I asked him to move out -- then I chickened, and asked him to stay...only if he would go to counseling with me. He agreed, but then started saying he couldn't go then and it would be better during such and such time etc. WELL, you can imagine..once again, put on the back burner... So I ended it. Our divorce will be final in a couple of weeks and I feel like the whole world has been lifted off my shoulders! He complained at first and can still be very cold and mean, but for someone who begged and said he was happy and would change....he didn't grieve the relationship long. He has already moved in with a woman that he met 2 days after we split up!! I have met someone as well, but is a long distance kind of thing (which suits me just fine right now). It feels good to be on my own and my kids are adjusting pretty well. The divorce is being handled between us, no attorneys, and I feel that it will be a good and equitable split. So....I guess the point of the story is that I wish it could have worked, but it didn't. I am a better person on my own, and as long as my kids remain the center of my focus....thats the most important thing. If I live alone for the rest of my life, it was better than living with him!

Imagine rejection for 7 years. Then try to imagine overnight forgiveness. It does not add up. She needs time -- give it to her. She needs space, give it to her - in fact, give her a little more than she is comfortable with. I know this sounds corny - but you must follow the "dao of steve". If you don't know what that is, rent the movie. Follow the rules of the dao and she will be eating out of the palm of your hand. That is, if you really want her back...... You both have made mistakes in the relationship -- as has everyone on this website. But as a woman, I will tell you -- sometimes it's nice to be chased, and sometimes it's nice to do the chasing. Watch the movie --- you'll understand.

Thanks for all the good insight. I have asked him to go to counseling on one two other occasions -- he refused. I know every couple goes through "down" periods....but is it normal to have a 6 year down period? I don't even count our first year of marriage because it was a learning phase. Here are some other things going on.....you tell me your opinion. 1) I told him that I was going to counseling because I wasn't happy -- he asked how much it would cost. He has only mentioned it in passing since. 2) Last night, he was making another one of his comments about something not being in it's right place -- I told him that I was sick of his constant complaints (he had been in the house a whole 2 minutes). He laughed it off and only apologized because he had a friend over. 3) I called him today to talk -- just stressed out about stuff. Instead of listening to me, he started talking about all the things he had going on and how stressed out HE was. I never even finished a sentence. This is just in the past 2 weeks! Imagine 6 years of being on the back burner! It sucks! I have never felt butterflies in my stomach for him. I go out of town on business and don't really miss him at all. I miss my kids, but not him. So --- is this as good as it gets and I just need to accept it? I know no marriage is perfect, but I think I deserve to be treated better.

You are totally normal! My breasts used to hurt so bad before every period, but I rarely cramped. Consider yourself lucky on that front! Congratulations on making the transition and Happy Birthday!

Thanks for this forum... I will keep my story as short as possible without excluding too much detail. I have been married for 7 years. We have 2 children, 4 and 1. I am not sure that I was ever truly wanting to get married, but I did and we have had an "ok" relationship. Some good laughs, some good fights, nothing violent or ugly. We both love our children very much and he is a good father and a good person. He has his faults, as do I, and I don't want to be a husband basher, but here is my problem: I really like him as a person, but I don't think I love him. And I don't think he loves me, either. Not really. I think he feels the exact same way I do, love, but not "in love". He can be an extremely selfish person - whether it is materialistically, or just in general. It seems that everyone's needs fall behind his and he will pout if he does not get his way. He sends me mixed signals physically -- he will tell me that I am sexy and beautiful, but we are rarely intimate (once a month, maybe twice a month -- we have gone stretches of 4 and 5 months before). But he gets angry if I don't feel like cuddling him or hugging all over him. He told me that pregnant women are soooo sexy - but would not have sex with me the whole time that I was pregnant (he said he was scared to hurt the baby). The sex is good, although infrequent. Maybe it's good because I am so damn grateful! The other reason why I think that he is unhappy is because he is in such a bad mood all the time, and complains constantly. I have glossed over my feelings for 6 years. I just took it as a part of marriage, and had resolved myself to the "this is as good as it gets" mentality. My counselor says that a person who is very negative likely has something else going on, and that our sex life is definetly not healthy. I know maybe I shouldn't have had children if I wasn't sure -- but I was young, and just thought it would all work out. Now I am 28 and can't bear the thought of living my life this way forever. It sucks because we really do get along very well, there is just no chemistry or spark between us. Do you leave something that is "tolerable" for the idea of something better? I don't want to hurt him or my kids for some fleeting emotion.... Any insight is appreciated. ps. There is no infidelity now, or ever on either part.... and I am going to counseling to try to figure out if this is in my head or in my heart. I believe I can fix what is in my head. He has refused to go to counseling in the past and I have not asked him to go this time.

A Booty Call NEVER becomes a boyfriend......just a fact. My advise is, if you have already become the booty call, enjoy it for what it is and then move on. If you haven't -- then there is still a chance.