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Thank you Sputnik, ‘‘twas not expecting a reply on this thread, just to howl into the void, but getting one has cheered me somewhat. We can’t go no contact because work but I’d been resisting burning the friendship because we’d made the transition from partners to friends once already and I thought we could do it again. Him jumping head first into love with someone else when he told me he didn’t have time for a partner has changed that, I’m finally at the point where I don’t even want to know him. So I’m on my way to taking your advice because I won’t be having anymore personal conversations with him, **** that guy

Why is it you can pick out that you feel warmly for your new girlfriend, but when I asked you how you felt about me for three months you strung me along with "I don't know". At best you could say "I appreciate you". But you never felt warmly for me and I wish with all my heart you hadn't pretended that you might. It would have been a thousand percent less painful to hear you say on new years eve "I don't feel like that about you anymore" than what you did and said instead. Why is it that you couldn't even make time to see me once a week but you've moved in with your lady friend after 4 months of knowing each other and now you can see her every night? Do you know how we might have actually had a chance if you'd wanted to spend that much time with me? WHY DID YOU SAY YOU WANTED TO DATE WHEN YOU CLEARLY DIDN'T?! I don't feel any kind of friendliness for you anymore, you are nothing but a source of recurring pain. All I want is to forget you, and while I cannot I want your current relationship to go south soon, I hope she hurts you like you have hurt me, (it's incomprehensibly unfair that you have love, love you didn't even want, and I want love, but I am unloveable). But more so I just want to forget you.

I know it was not working, but I do miss your quiet, vulnerability. I always knew it was a privilege to see that side of you.

Reminds me of Isabelle Allende's writing. Pretty and sad.

This is getting harder

I give you the same challenge I gave myself (still in the relationship but feeling aimless and depressed). Pick three tasks and accomplish them. One relates to furthering your career whether it be getting a particular job or upskilling (for me this challenge is to get a job with an AV hire company). The second is to do with your physical and mental well being, (I took on the challenge of keeping the lounge clean for 3 months), the last is something you've always thought you would like to do. Go ahead and do it (mine for that is taking up hiphop dancing lessons, so much swag. I haven't done it yet but I should and I must and I have the cash now I just need to make the call).

WindingWings, I know you're hurting now but you deserve someone who's gonna be 100% focused on you. Let this one go, his heart is not in it, not properly, not fairly. Can't trick or game him into staying, don't even try. Turn around, walk the other way, do the things you love, live your life.

It's been 3 and a half weeks. I've been sad, I've been completely gutted, I've missed him, I've missed the cool things we used to do together, I've missed the way he used to idly massage me when he was in a good mood. I've remember how sporadic all those good things had become, I've remember crying hysterically on my bedroom floor over 3 years ago because I was terribly lonely and he was my only friend and he chose solitude. I've also been kind of relieved, relieved to be free to explore my feelings of attraction to other people, relieved to be free to dip my toes in the pool of casual sex (something I wasn't really done doing when I committed to this guy 6 years ago but put on hold to be with him because I thought he was exceptionally awesome). I had to hide you from my facebook feed, I could see you reaching out to interact with people and I felt jealous. A mutual friend told me how down you'd been feeling lately and I felt bad about that too. I haven't stopped loving you or caring about you or wanting you to be happy. I don't doubt that the relationship was in a serious state of disrepair though and you said where your mental health is at the moment, you haven't the energy to put into fixing it. I'd put my needs on hold for so long because you couldn't deal and I loved you and I wanted to stay. No more, I guess, giving me radio silence was the straw that broke the camel's back, that coupled with a passing crush on a complete douchebag and the unshakable feeling surely someone could love me better. Anyway, I still miss you. And I see you pop up in my facebook chat window sometimes. But you asked for no contact and I'm going to respect 100%, I don't want to do Anything to hamper the healing process for either of us, it hurts so much, and I just want it to be over.