Questions...

Hello,

I have some questions for whoever. My husband and I have been married nearly 18 years, have 3 beautiful kids. When we got married, we had never actually built a foundational friendship and were under somewhat pressurized circumstances I'll not go into yet. Maybe later. But we have had several storms and have spoken freely of divorce lately, though both of us vowed personally to never divorce one another. Anyway, both of us realise that we may not be in love with one another any longer. We have a good functional and habitual friendship (unless the bad times hit the fan). We're used to a financial situation. Our kids are used to it. I felt yesterday as if I were the closest to "single" as I could be other than on paper. Today, we're talking and functioning as the habitual way we normally would. But our romance is gone. The care is there. Little compatibility. There's much more. I know it would help to go to counseling. I have prayed often to let this marriage go. It's so difficult..isn't it...wouldn't it be...to divorce. Hurt the kids and don't want that.

I'll stop here.

Your thoughts, if respectfully shared, are welcome. I will ignore any of your own venting, angry sounding brutal thoughts, as I've already gotten on other forums on this list. Don't waste your time as these types of responses won't have my attention unless they do any good.

Flower

I think you're in a delicate situation... I don't think divorce is the best way to solve your problem, because divorce is something I think should be done when both members in the relationship are sure about wanting it... I'd say if anything, it should be a last resort... On the other hand, you can't go on forever feeling miserable. So, I guess you should try the counseling first, see how it goes, and try everything that comes up to you mind. If everything fails, then divorce will be the last resort... I feel that the hardest thing about this is that if you stay married, you could both hurt yourselves (feelings, I mean), but if you get a divorce, then your kids will be hurt... I just suggest you think about it and make no suddent decisions. I hope someone else posts better advice, because mine sucks. Good luck and best wishes.

I agree with Dead Eyes. You really have nothing to lose by going to counseling. Worst case, things stay the same and you still have the divorce option available to you. But there is always the possibility that you two will improve with counseling and a change. Its apparent that things can't stay the same between you two.

Give counseling a try. And I mean really try. If you both go just to say you went, it will not work. Put your minds and hearts to actually working on the marriage. And then see where you are in 3 to 6 months.

It's natural for you to be feeling what you're feeling. I took a Sociology class on Marriages and Families and it actually (statistically) happens throughout a relationship that one falls "in and out" of love. Sometimes there won't be those warm fuzzy feelings, other times there will.

My parents have now been married for 34 years. Three children are the product of their marriage, myself and two brothers. It definitely hasn't always been roses. There was fighting and bickering, but they are more in love now than ever before, and have grown to appreciate each other. (Im sure it helps that all us kids are now grown!)

Of course what you do is up to you, but know that you are not alone, and that many, many people go through this.

I also perused your thread about infidelity and I don't find anything wrong with what was done. As there was no actual physical contact, sometimes it's very important to have a confidant of the opposite sex with whom you have a connection. I think since you know counseling is an option, I won't throw it out there as a suggestion, but I think it might be good for both you and your husband. Just my thoughts. Hang in there and don't be deterred from posting. Everyone will have their opinion (sometimes it's a pain, lol)

All you guys are AWESOME!

Hugs and thanx,

Flower