A Victim's Healing

I met this girl a while back and sparks just flew. We both connected on many different levels. We almost feel as though we were ment to be together. This is all pretty new to both of us so we are trying to sort everything out.

Now she was raped when she was younger and it really really screwed her up in her head and her heart. She feels like she can't trust guys at all (which is why all these feelings towards me are confusing to her). She feels like she can trust me for some reason and we just met. I have a huge responsibilty now to show her that not all guys are mean.

Now to the question I have. We started fooling around for the first time last night and she said she was having really intense sexual feelings which she has just never felt before. In all her years after the rape she had never felt what she was feeling last night. She thought that sexual stuff was just mediocre not an incredible explosion of feelings and emotions. So why exactly does she feel this with me? Is it a trust thing? Has anyone else experienced this?

Hey man it sounds to me like this girl really likes you, alot. It sounds like she really does trust you because a woman needs to trust a man before she will sleep with him. My advice is to slow down, slow way down and tell her you really like her and thats why you want to go slow with her. Honestly man i've found myself not liking a girl anymore because things happened way too fast before I got a chance to develop real feelings for that person. A lot of baggage may come with this relationship so test it out BEFORE you have sex and see if you like her as a friend first. I honestly would wait at least a month before doing anything sexual.

I agree with the last post, I think you should slow down with her. It will show her that you really like and respect her. As far as Sexually, this is probably something new for her. I'm no professional, but I know many rape victims experience flashbacks or dissociate when faced with sexual feelings or touch, it could take a long time for her to really trust you with her body. She may have shut herself off to sexual feelings since the rape because she may feel guilty or ashamed by them. Has she ever gone to counseling or any kind of therapy to help her with the aftermath of the rape? If you're the only one she's told or if she hasn't gotten some kind of help she may be still storing the pain inside. And it may resurface during sex or intimate occasions.

I think you should go slow with her regardless. Be patient with her. I think it's great that you see her for the person she is rather than just a rape victim. I don't think you should feel like you have the entire responsibility of showing her that your entire gender is not inherently evil. She should seek help to relieve negative feelings towards men in general. I think, however, that you could probably provide a good example for her.

Thanks for the replies. We both talked after all this happened and agreed to slow things way down and take our time with everything. We were just taken by a storm of emotion and let it get the best of us. As far as sex goes, we don't plan on letting that happen for a while. This whole situation between us just kind of popped up out of nowhere and we are still reeling from it. I apriciate your posts, that helps alot!

She feels that way for you, because she feels as though you are sincere. When a woman who's a survivor of childhood rape and/or sexual abuse grows up, it's really hard for her to reveal that part about her life with anyone in general. If she's told you all of this, then she must feel that connection with you. She's able to let her guard down without feeling judged, hurt or scrutinized. It's hard for her to find someone who she feels as though she can trust. In fact, she may feel as though you are someone who she's met that's one-in a million, someone who she feels completely safe with. So try to be very sensitive to her emotions. Communicate out your problems whenever possible. I commend you for caring about her the way that you do. You're doing a good job so far. Much luck to your relationship.-Mahlina

Well,this girl must trust you alot.But,i agree with the other posters.Take it slow with her.WEven though she trusts you,rape is a huge thing to overcome.You dont want anything to ruin your relationship.Good luck.

~Meagan~