My boyfriend raped me and it took me a month to realize it

This situation kind of reminds me of an episode of Felicity in which Julie said No but didn't try pushing the guy off. When she asked the doctor if this was considered rape, she said YES. Bottom line, No means No and even though the word RAPE itself is very serious, it is also very complexe in its situations. but the consistant thing is consent. No is not consenting. I don't think you should pursue legal action, firstly because you may want to get back with him, and secondly it might not be worth the money and time for legal action specially since it was not violent. In my point of view, obviously not stopping when you said no, was wrong, even the fact that he didn't acknowledge it or ask you if you were ok, was also wrong and perhaps unacceptable on his part, and I would not get back together with him, but it's your choice and in the end you need to go with what feels right. Personally I think since it was your first time, he was selfish not to be trying to do everything he could to make you feel comfortable, which includes STOPPING WHEN YOU SAY NO. If he was too horny or involved to realize that you did say no, then he wasn't really looking out for you in the first place. Good luck.

When I guy says,"Your Gonna Give it to me aren't ya" & you are all alone

with him,and he's aggressive,thats when you know your in some trouble!!!

We don't have to bring law into this; that is perhaps interesting to those who want to go down that route, but the reality is, the law is different all over the world. For example, in New Brunswick, a woman who has consumed any alcohol cannot legally give consent -- so if she then charges her lover with rape, whether or not she ever said no, he is automatically guilty because she was drinking. He has no defense. In some parts of the world, a husband cannot be charged with rape, because of the marital relationship. In others, he can. Bringing law into it brings in questions of culture, and that is not what the OP has come for.

The OP had made her boyfriend aware that she would ask him to stop if it hurt. It did hurt. She asked him to stop. He didn't. Yes, by her own definition, it was rape.

This was not a "stranger waiting in the shadows" rape, however. This was an act of selfishness on the point of her boyfriend. So what she is asking is more: Can I forgive, or should I forgive, this act of selfishness?

It was pretty selfish. This was your body. Would it be okay for him to punch you, if it made him feel good? Men often assume that sex feels the same for women as it does for them; they do not realize, sex can be very painful. He did something painful to you because he felt good at the time. That is what he needs to understand. If he loves you, and is basically a decent person, he will care whether or not he hurt you. He will be at pains never to do that again.

If he is essentially a selfish person, he will either choose not to believe, or he will not care, that he hurt you.

I personally would not go out with him again. I don't necessarily believe that this is the final word on his character, but the reality is, he did something very wrong because he wanted to do it, and he hurt someone who loved and trusted him. That was so unnecessary. I've been in the same situation, and when a guy is more responsive to his partner, there is no question about whether or not it's a rape. He ruined what could have been a very good experience for both of you because he was a jerk. My feeling is, he's probably going to be a jerk for a long time. I wouldn't go out with him anymore, but certainly, you have your own relationship with him, and see more of his redeeming qualities, whatever they may be. I would be careful, however, not to trust him overmuch right now. He needs to grow up, and you don't have to be hurt in the process.

honey, you gave your consent to have sex with him. He might not have heard you say to stop. Maybe you should wait until you are a little older to have sex. He didn't really seem very considerate during the act and was probably just trying to get off; sign of a young inexperienced man.

I'd like to say that I know exactly how you feel in this situation because it's happened to me a week ago. I didn't realize it till last night but my boyfriend and I had engaged in anal sex even though I told him it was against my morals. When he went in there, it HURT like nothing I've ever experienced before. I broke into tears and begged him to get off of me and come out. But he wouldn't come out and kept telling me that it was, 'going to be okay'. He continued for about 15 minutes even though I was sobbing and still telling him to stop. After it was over, he kept complimenting me on how well I 'took it'. Even after all this has happened, I still love him. It's very weird.

I know this thread is 5 years old, but someone bumbed it and her experience is meaningful. she "let it" go on for 15 minutes because emotionally and psychologically, she felt dominated. she told him to stop, she cried, but he didn't. Rape starts at an emotional and psychological level. If anyone comes on and reads this thread, they have to know that they are ALWAYS allowed to say NO and stop the act at ANY point.

to the people who wrote this,

"It's actually pretty common for a woman to tell a man to stop without even realising it during intercourse, because she doesn't realise what she's saying and she's overcome with pleasure."

That's so messed up.. Is this poster some kind of a perv who signed up and made his avatar / usename look like he is a young girl so he could say this crap and get away with it?

"Now, if you would have been hitting him and screaming for him to get off you and he kept going -- that's rape. What you have described is not rape. It's hard to discern nowadays because you can say yes....yes....yes...yes... NO!"

she said no, she may have felt too intimidated to insist. the moment she no longer wants it and says "no", she should be respected, otherwse it IS rape. it's not like she said "yes" so now he is entitled to go all the way.

"He should have stopped but I wouldnt consider it rape he might have been too into it to gather the will power to stop."

he had no control over himself....... how pathetic.

Really, these posters' comments make me sick and I'm embarassed to be on enotalone with the likes of them.

I agree with Amethyst, scout and mymelancholysoul.

I hope OP is ok.