You couldn't make this up

Well I thought I'd introduce myself.

I'm destined to be a single dad it seems and believe that knowing my rights early on can stand me in good stead for the future.

My Story

Four weeks ago I received a text message from my then g/f out of the blue. "Hi Daddy, we need a serious talk". Thats how I was informed she was pregnant.

She came round the next night to "discuss" it all, but instead she didn't mention it and fell asleep on the sofa. The next morning she was somewhat distant with me and gave the distinct impression that she needed some space. I told her I loved her and that I would be there to support her in whatever she chose to do, but that I would like her to keep the baby.

On the Monday I asked to meet her the next day for lunch, she said she couldn't as she was going to the docs, didn't want me to go but said she would tell me how she got on.

Next day I didn't hear a word from her. Asked her to come round on Weds night she said "No ta, I'm out with my friends"

Thursday I called her, she said she couldn't talk.

Friday she agreed to meet me after work. She then basically split up with me accusing me of letting her down and not being there for her. In the last three weeks I have had nothing but vitriolic abuse from her, threats of violence and asking me to move from the town.

She has stated several times that she doesn't want me to have any involvement with the baby at all. She has decided to keep it. She has accused me of being manipulative, immature, pathetic etc.

Before all this we seemed to be the perfect couple and never once argued. Two weeks before she found out she was pregnant she had asked me about moving in together, now she claims that she was going to split with me before she found out.

This gorgeous woman who I love more than anything in the world has now turned into a screaming banshee. The thought that I will have no involvement with my child fills me with complete dread, and I am helpless over the whole thing.

She has asked me not to contact her for two weeks which I have complied with, but I'm not sure whether to take control of the situation and extend this period. With the fact that a child is involved seems to blur the usual lines.

Help!!

My first question would be (and please excuse me, I know this sounds callous) are you SURE she's pregnant, and that it's even yours? I have a hard time believing that this woman can go from complacent and loving one minute to that "screaming banshee" the next with no good reason. And yes, maybe I'm being overly suspicious, but, putting myself in her shoes, if I'd cheated on my boyfriend and then found out I was pregnant and instead of just telling him I had a hissy fit and broke up with him with wild, unsubstantiated reasons/excuses, it'd kinda make me wonder......

And take that with a grain of salt, and my apologies if I've offended. It just seems very strange that she'd do this complete turnabout, especially in light of the fact that you've made every effort to find out what's going on and have stated that you want to be a father to this child and be with her! That's what brought about my suspicions: that she's trying to completely cut you out of the picture in the face of your support.

Barring that, you DO have legal recourse/action you can take. Without abuse in the home, or neglect, or drug abuse, what have you, she cannot bar you from seeing your child. Visitation can be set up, and joint custody. I'd suggest contacting your lawyer, if you have one, in regards to the legal action that can be taken in regards to this. And I wish you the best of luck-I don't have much beyond my overly suspicious mind as to why she's acting so strange, but I sincerely hope she comes to her senses!

Mar

Don't worry you haven't offended in any way. Your certainly not the first person to have said that.

I am 100% certain the child is mine. I think some of her reaction could be down to the fact that this has been such a massive shock for her and she is very scared, this is coupled with the fact that she didn't necessarily see it as guarnteed that I would be staying near her. Hence she has pushed me away and put her barriers up to save any perceived future hurt. People can do strange things when under high levels of stress. Her hormones probably aren't helping matters either.

Initially I did a lot of pushing which just caused her to pull away further. I truly think patience is the key thing here now, but I'm undecided whether I cut all contact. I think my strategy at the moment is if I do talk to her then I won't mention anything about the relationship and just discuss how she is doing and if the baby is OK. Its just I've never come accross a similar experience like this anywhere and I just have no idea how this will pan out. I will do anything for her, but I will not move away from where my child will be. At the moment she see's my refusal to move as being spiteful towards her.

I think you're right in that the hormones may play a part in her irrationality. But I also think you're on the right track in not pushing, just BEING there. Once she's had a chance to adjust to how majorly this is going to affect her life, and sees that you're doing all you can to support her and that life, TOGETHER, I think she'll come around. But having your first child, especially unexpectedly, is a HUGE shock I couldn't even comprehend. So I can understand her wigging out and pushing you away.

Be patient, you're definitely right on that score. I think you have just the right idea, in gently reminding her that you're there for her if she needs you, that you're not going anywhere, and that you love her and will support her and this child in any way you can.

Mar

I agree with Mar. Being there, not pushing, but making it clear that you care for her and for this baby is the right thing to do. If you get to talk to her, just make it clear that you're not calling to have an argument nor to blame her, nor to hurt her, but because you really care, and you wanted to know if she was doing ok, if you could do anything for her, and if the baby is doing ok. You might not ask her too specific question though about whether or not she did this and that about the baby, at least for now, as she might think that you don't think she can handle that, that she is not being responsible.

However, I would also advise you to talk to a lawyer about the situation, without letting people and her know that you did so. It's just a matter to guarantee your future rights as far as the baby is concerned, to make sure that those rights are going to be protected. But don't let anybody know, in case it comes to her hears and she takes this as an attack. She might be very emotional right now.

Good luck, I can imagine that this is a very tricky and difficult situation.