emotionally exhausted, want to heal

last september my ex-boyfriend and i broke up because i had to move back home after struggling to find my own footing after graduating from college.

i was miserable when i first returned home, and tried to begin creating a new life for myself. but i still felt connected to my ex-boyfriend. because i was so miserable i had hoped that i would be able to return to him and our relationship.

unfortunately, that wouldn't have been the best decision for my other ambitions. i know logically the best solution was to remain where there were more opportunities for me despite losing some i love.

the pain has been immense. i am severely depressed, and would like to get counseling but have no insurance to cover it.

i had begun to feel like i was healing from him. we had remained friends, and i was trying to move on, though i realized part of me wanted to hold on that there might be a future for us still. around valentine's day he began to date someone else. and i was devastated. and made the effort to break off lines of communication with him because it was beginning to trigger so much hurt.

i fell into a really unhealthy space where i couldn't eat or sleep. it continues now.

it's been six months since the relationship ended (we were together for a year.) and the pain has not gotten any easier. i wake up every morning (when i can finally fall asleep) thinking and hurting for him. and feeling so hurt that i've been so quickly replaced.

it doens't help that i'm starting a new life here, and don't have the support system at home or nearby.

i am really hurting. and while i understand that this is a process, with each concurrent wave of grief that hits, i almost feel like it's pushing me beyond what i can cope with. i feel like i'm losing control over myself as far as my feelings and mental clarity.

i don't have any motivation to start looking for entry-level work in my field...or following up on resumes i've sent out. i want to know how i begin healing so i start my life. i want to be able to not think about him everyday and let it distract me from moving forward.

Im sorry for your loss of this love and maybe one day it will return,

have you ever heard of that sayin "if you really love him let him go, and if its true love then he will return"? thats what i suggest in your case, most people in this world dream about finding true love and many people search their hole lives for it and then in the end have nothing to show for it. It sounds like you had a really good relationship and loved him very much, but you cant make yourself suffer for something that you know you need to do for youself and that will benifit you in the end, like having a great job or something like that, I know its hard to just move on and leave everything that you built behind and to just start all over again, im sure you have had boyfriends before him and something happened in the relationship where you and him broke up. i bet you felt like the world was coming to an end and nothing was right without him, but of course you got older and years passed and you moved on.... I also suggest that you eat and get sleep....how do except to move on with your life if you not strong enough to get out of bed? you should go out with some girlfriends of yours and have a good time and if you dont have any met some. To be able to get on with your life you have to live and if your always thinking about this guy and only this guy then your not going to be able to live life like your are surpposed too, have you told this guy how you feel? well if you havent do so. even if it hurts, you will fell so much better if you do it will feel like a million pounds of rocks have been lifted off your shoulders and it wont drag you down anymore....hope i helped

You need to find some other goals that you can start working on, go back to a dream that you had before and try to find a new solution.

I'm not sure if you've read my previous posts, but I have a similar story. In my case, because I knew that I am not going to stay in this city after graduating from school and I wanted to go wherever a good job opportunity takes me, I told my ex girlfriend from the start that we'll have to end this after school - a TERRIBLEY BIG IDIOTIC mistake that I'm gonna regret for the rest of my life.

After 3 years, my feelings were so strong for her that I no longer wanted to break up after school, but ... having said otherwise to her during these three years, she didn't have a reason to remain in love with me, all the time thinking this relationship was going to be over after school... so slowly she fell out of love with me ... while I was falling more in love with her... until a month ago she broke up with me, she said she can't take it anymore, and eventhough I told her I dont want to end this after school she said I just dont feel the same.

It's been a month, I went through all the stuff you're saying, keep in mind school's not over and I see her every day at school ... making it much more harder. I was getting used to our relationship as "just friends" until I saw some signs that made me believe she's seeing my best friend. Although that turned out to be wrong ... it devistated me ... and I've not recovered yet ... as I know she's not going to remain single for long ... and the thought of her with another guy is overwhelmingly painful.

Anyway I guess I can't give you much advice when I'm not healed myself... I just wanted to say you probably don't like to hear stuff like "If it's true love, he'll come back" .... cuz I sure didn't like to hear that ... It just gives us false hope ... we wait for the day that they'll come back. I mean when you know you've made a decision to end this .... how is he supposed to come back? And everyone says find new goals...but that's so hard too ... there's no motivation for anything.

Anyway, I just wanted to say I feel you. The thing that helps me most is TALKING. I've talked to everyone I knew about this... and simply letting it out gives you great (but temporary) satisfaction. It's amazing how people and friends you never thought were that close turn out to be so helpful.

Another thing that helped me was a Weblog. I started an online journal where I write my feelings everyday... other people can also visit and can even comment. It's been helpful ... if you want to try it sites like : link removed provide free and easy weblog services.

Anyway, just hang in there. One thing is a fact and is for sure ... we're not the only persons in the world who've gone through this stuff. And I don't know a single person who'se remained miserable for such an event for the rest of their lives.

So we're going to heal for sure, and perhaps find ourselves in a situation which is a million times better than what we thought we could have with our exes. So give it time... and keep thinking about how this feeling is eventually going to go away.

Hang in there.

If you needed to talk ... my email is email removed , yuo can add me to your MSN messenger if you have one and I'd be more than happy to chat.