last september my ex-boyfriend and i broke up because i had to move back home after struggling to find my own footing after graduating from college.
i was miserable when i first returned home, and tried to begin creating a new life for myself. but i still felt connected to my ex-boyfriend. because i was so miserable i had hoped that i would be able to return to him and our relationship.
unfortunately, that wouldn't have been the best decision for my other ambitions. i know logically the best solution was to remain where there were more opportunities for me despite losing some i love.
the pain has been immense. i am severely depressed, and would like to get counseling but have no insurance to cover it.
i had begun to feel like i was healing from him. we had remained friends, and i was trying to move on, though i realized part of me wanted to hold on that there might be a future for us still. around valentine's day he began to date someone else. and i was devastated. and made the effort to break off lines of communication with him because it was beginning to trigger so much hurt.
i fell into a really unhealthy space where i couldn't eat or sleep. it continues now.
it's been six months since the relationship ended (we were together for a year.) and the pain has not gotten any easier. i wake up every morning (when i can finally fall asleep) thinking and hurting for him. and feeling so hurt that i've been so quickly replaced.
it doens't help that i'm starting a new life here, and don't have the support system at home or nearby.
i am really hurting. and while i understand that this is a process, with each concurrent wave of grief that hits, i almost feel like it's pushing me beyond what i can cope with. i feel like i'm losing control over myself as far as my feelings and mental clarity.
i don't have any motivation to start looking for entry-level work in my field...or following up on resumes i've sent out. i want to know how i begin healing so i start my life. i want to be able to not think about him everyday and let it distract me from moving forward.
