scared of being loved

I started a relationship with a guy I thought was perfect when I was 18. We faught and broke up a lot when we were dating and he also cheated on me. We worked through that and ended up getting married when I was 20. The day we got married he told me stuff that he had lied to me about like not really wanting children. He started slowly getting abusive and I kept warning him I was going to leave if he did it again. He ended up having his best friend move in with us at one point and his best friend and I started getting really close as he was going through a divorce. His best friend kissed me one night and I ended up telling my husband. We went to counseling and it didnt work as he started hitting me more and I caught him cheating on me. We have been separated now for a year and a half and he wont sign the divorce papers unless I take all of the bills and he keeps everything. I wont do it. I have been dating and it seems like everytime I start to like somebody, I leave them for the stupidest reasons. What do I do? I want to be able to love someone again, but I just keep hurting the guys I date! PLEASE HELP ME!!!

It is going to take a while for you to heal from this relationship. First I want to say good for you! It's so good to hear that you didn't put up with what he was doing to you. That is unfair and he was being 100% hypocritical...

You aren't expected to be able to fall in love again right away. Sure it has been a year but this is a depp wound and some take longer to heal than others. I am proud of you that you are beginning to date. That is a step in itself and you should give yourself a pat on the back for doing it. The only advise I think I may be able to give you is to take things slowly. Don't try to rush into anything or try to rush into love. I would casually date people right now and just explain to them, if things start to get more serious than casual, that you had a very difficult situation that you are still trying to heal from and you don't want to put yourself in a vulnerable state right now because it will cause you both pain in the end. Your love will just fall in your lap when you least expect it, when you are looking the other way, so jsut enjoy being single right now and be glad that you are not with your ex husband...well, soon to be.

As far as getting him to sign the papers, you need to get a lawyer and take him to court over all of it. He cannot refuse to divorce on those grounds. Talk to a lawyer and see how they can help you.

Also, for your personal emotional health, I would suggest seeing a counseler, they may be able to identify your feelings and help you sort things out. Or try group therapy. I hope I was of some help...