A very confusing break-up situation

Here I am with a recent break-up event. In order to make everything easier to understand, I would like to tell you our brief story. By the way, I am from France and if you spot any grammatical or spelling mistake please forgive me...

First of all, we both are 20 years old. We had been together for about a year. And this may sound crazy or weird but we hadn't had any fights or events that caused a separation or divergence. That's why I cannot understand why this has happened to us. Because there was not any logical reason.

I had dates before her but this was the one I cared and took seriously the most. I was the first one she loved and got into a relationship with. She is a very social girl but you know, she is the kind of girl who she keeps her childish side inside. This makes her a little bit shy and less confident but also so pure and natural. So, for this reason, she loved me so freaking much but I got to know it much later since she did not wanna express her feelings. She always tried to be so nice to me and did everything for me from little to big. And after a while, we started to talk and got to know each other better. This resulted in a very deep, loving relationship.

She was so lucky to have me. As I said before we did not have any fight or tension between us and we always enjoyed our time together. We used to see each other 2-3 times a week. So, in my opinion, this was pretty ideal because we could miss each other but we were not craving for each other. Everything was very ideal and going perfectly.

In my birthday and new year's eve, she prepared the present for me by herself. And every time (not only in presents) she put little notes on them. I also prepared her a present by myself and she really loved it. Even cried. Shortly, I was so sure about our love and the bond between us. It was so strong. She loved me so much and felt lucky, thankful about everything and so did I. I never regret anything. (Btw you may think that she did the whole stuff while I was just doing nothing. That's not true. Everything was balanced and mutual. I am an emotional and careful man, I always put my love into the middle of my heart.)

I remember her saying "I wish you could see yourself from my eyes. I love you so much."

So, when the problems started? Actually, I don't know exactly. But, I can say that she had been in a different mood for 2 months more or less. She was complaining about her life and routine. She was bored and unsatisfied. She did not enjoy her time at home, with her family and even with herself. She felt relaxed with me and I could not feel any stress in her when we were together. We talked about this many times. She told me that she always wanted to do things and conditions did not allow her or she was frustrated by her routine (she lives in two separate houses and always moves from one another). She said she wanted to give me more time but things did not allow her. I told her that everything was OK and I did not request or need any "extra" thing from her. Everything she does and did was more than enough for me. I am not that kind of a needy or jealous man who always forces his girlfriend to be with him all the time and not allows her to spend time with her friends etc. I definitely respect her life apart from me. I have always told her that I wanted to be on her side but cannot be someone who turns into a huge burden.

Whenever she felt this way, I sent her long texts saying to her that I was there for her and it was a temporary time, everything would be OK. I had these kinds of bad times in my life. I lived in Costa Rica when I was 16, everything was really challenging but in the end, I got to know that you can overcome everything if you stay strong and keep your head high. I wanted her to remember this. I wanted her to remember how strong she was. No matter what. Because that's part of life. There are times at which you feel down and there are others that you feel happier than ever before. And every time I responded to her, she said that she loved me and needed me so much and was thankful to have me at this point. She even said, "I cannot even put myself together but you really do and please keep doing it because sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in my head." I said that I would support her no matter what but also reminded her always that she was powerful enough to overcome everything.

We had these kinds of conversations multiple times and each of them ended in a peaceful, loving agreement. She was feeling better after hearing from me and I was feeling better after making her feel better.

The problems in her head are more than I know, I'm sure. But this is the complicated part and I still could not find out what is the main issue. She was frustrated because even though she is 20, she is still dependent on her family. she does not spend much time at night or out. She told me about her family's conservator attitude. I said that she had a long life ahead of her and she was not going to stay with her family forever. What she needed was just a little bit more patience. Her family was not a strict family actually, they just cared for their daughter so much and they just want her to be okay and safe. I reminded her of this. Also told that she should be grateful to have a family like this. Because you know, not everyone has this privilege in the world. There are thousands of people who needed to grow up without a parent.

Like 2 months ago. While we were texting, she said that she felt bad that day. I asked what was wrong and she sent me a long text. In short, her problems were getting bigger and bigger and she was not capable of dealing with them especially at that time (her finals were coming up). And basically, she did not want to waste my time every time she said she was feeling bad. And she did not wanna lie to me about her mood. So, what she was asking was "space" and "time" to recover everything. I said OK, even though it did not sound very appropriate for me but she said that was the only way she could feel better and fix things.

We haven't talked for 2 weeks straight. I was confused and little offended because we had not even asked ourselves how we were. For a couple that is together for 10 months and knows each other in depth, this was just a little irrational. But I waited patiently for her for 2 weeks. I focused on myself as well. Reanalyzed everything in our relationship I could not disturb her in this period because this would have made everything much worse. After 2 weeks, just as she asked me to have, I sent her a voice message. I told her that, I was curious about how she felt and how had it been. I wanted to support her once again but this was not the right thing to do. I mean to separate ourselves in hard days. I was her boyfriend and I could not be someone she would keep away in certain days like this. I said I cannot be a burden in her life but, you move yourself away from the things that bother you in your life. I was not suspicious about myself but this just did not make me feel well. I explained everything, reminded her that I loved and cared for her. But since I was not the responsible for her feelings now, being punished like this was not something I deserved.

She replied. I was disappointed because she could not make it feel better. She was even worse. She said that she had passed all 2 weeks thinking about her problems and life. This must have driven her into a dead-end. She was constantly in conflict with herself. She was not sure about what she wants in life now. She said that "I wish I could mute my brain and keep on living like that." She said she was not okay to be with me like this. She did not want to hurt me or waste my time anymore and said if we keep going everything could get much worse in time. She wanted to break-up with me basically. But she was afraid that I would get angry and start to hate her. I said I wouldn't but this was not the only solution. I tried to relieve her and make her believe in us again. She was sure.

I said I would not do anything without seeing and talking to her face to face. At least she accepted this. When we got to see each other she hugged me. Cried on my shoulder and said "Look at us. I am the one who caused everything to get worse and worse. I feel very embarrassed because you are still so calm and understanding while I am like this. Please don't hate me. I am doing this because I love you more than anything and I know that if we move on as we are, we are going to get hurt. This is the last thing I want to do for you. I don't want you to remember me that way. As a girl who broke your heart and hurt you. At least, remember every beautiful thing we have done and experienced so far." she said she was really happy to see me again and was feeling comfortable next to me again but this was not going to last when she got home and stays with herself. She said none of the things she has done for me was a lie or unreal. She loved me the same and said "You know I love you for always."

Her brain was telling her that something was wrong. She knew that I did not do anything and I did not deserve this and she even told me that she knew she would not find anyone else to love her better than I did. However, she was afraid of the future, of what may happen. She was afraid of herself. She always blamed herself because she had turned our love into a burden and did not know how. She was the most positive and charming person I knew. That day she was still loving and charming but she was not the same person. She had lost her positive side. She was refusing to believe in life and our love. There was a barrier on her mind which blocked every beautiful possibility. That's what makes me sad about it. She maybe did not lose her love but her faith was almost gone and nothing I say could have changed it.

I knew she was kinda insecure and unconfident but I really wanted to be the guy from whom she would gain power. I loved her with all her imperfections. She did not want me to care for her again. She just did not know what to want in life and was not sure if it will be better to be with me or to be alone.

I could not say anything. She was completely natural. There was not any fake side. I really believed her. She held my hand strong and never released it that day.

We walked to her house holding our hands tight and hugged for the last time. She even said while we were walking "Don't walk too fast."

She even kissed me when I was leaving.

I just had to let her go.

Well, yeah, why the hell you broke up? This is a question that you may ask. Even I could not find out yet. It's been like a month now and we haven't talked again. We're in a natural no-contact period, we don't talk but there is a possibility to see each other since we're at the same uni.

A couple of weeks ago I saw her at the campus and she was sitting with her girls. She saw me then she waved her hand with a little hesitation and I gave back.

How do you interpret this situation? I am starting to move on but there is something inside me that is telling that we were good for each other and this was not the way it should be. It says "just wait." I don't want to wait for something that is never going to happen. Because my life keeps on going and I cannot waste my time and I know I'll be alright no matter what. Life will close the doors in order to make it possible for others to open. She was emotionally insecure and possibly as a result of being inexperienced, she is not ready to handle a deep love at this time. Maybe that was what she meant.

How should I actually behave? Should I be careless? Reactive? or remain calm and understanding? I'm trying my best to keep it cool and move on but I still have hard times, dreaming of her and a couple of days ago I saw her picture on Instagram, which she looked wonderful. I almost started the whole process all over again.

If you really consider my story and help me, you cannot know how much grateful I am. When I tell this to my friends, you may easily guess their attitude. You know like "It's okay bro! She loses" etc. They usually are not that helpful. I really wanted to hear from someone who really understands and is able to interpret in a fair way.

Thank you for your patience. Thanks a lot.

Sorry you're going through this, OP. You seem like a kind-hearted and introspective guy.

It rather sounds to me like the honeymoon fizzled out for her and she realized her feelings weren't strong enough to keep the relationship going. She started distancing herself a couple months ago, which is probably when the initial sparks of a new relationship faded and the reality of being in a committed relationship came into colour for her. It doesn't mean you did something wrong or deserved to be pushed away. It simply means it wasn't the same connection for her that it was for you, not something that was viable for her long-term.

This is the difficult part of some break-ups; you can be the kindest and most supportive partner out there, but if the other person just doesn't feel the same way, there is little you can do. It sometimes cannot be logically explained by either party.

As for how to conduct yourself now, I would continue to be civil in public when you happen to see her, but I would block her on social media. This is solely to prevent emotional setbacks by seeing her posts.

Yeah, you are very right. But, it just does not seem possible for me. I know it does not seem possible for me does not mean that it can be right. There is just a huge question mark in my head. On the new year's eve, she prepared a hand-made pillow by herself and there was a postcard attached to it. It was written that "I want you to remember that we should be in a different part of the world on every new year's eve." She also said she was so sad and could not even sleep that night because she could not make it being with me because I was out with my friends. She said she was "jealous".

So, that's why I'm struggling to believe this. Just a week before she was worrying if she was being enough for me and sad because she was not with me that night. And then after a couple of days she just lost the attraction?