After doing so well I saw my ex

Hi, been browsing the site for a few months, and I finally have plucked up the courage to ask for help here. Might waffle on so apologies about this:

I was in a short term (about 4 months) relationship with a girl who I had a huge crush on in school, saw her on a night out and told her for fun I used to like her, got talking, and 8 years after I last saw her, we entered a relationship, like something from a film I guess.

Was going really well and I couldn’t believe my luck that my teenage dreams came true and I was with this girl. Issues started to arise when I had to go to London for 3 months for training, her previous relationship was long distance and she had real issues about communication and knowing that i wasn’t around the corner from her (live in the same village). I also happen to suffer with depression and anxiety and overreacted to some of her concerns about being apart when she expressed them to me. She went travelling for 6 weeks whilst I was away, and we would message every day and would speak on the phone a few times a week whilst she was away, speaking about how excited we were to see each other again. When she got back it was good, for about 3 weeks, then she mentioned a job she applied for about an hour and a half away from our village, so that confused me as how could it work with her distance issues. We sorted that problem out, then she went quiet, and literally 5 days after I finished my training in London and would be back home for good, she broke up with me. I don’t blame her for this, and kind of knew it was coming, and I didn’t even mind at first, I understood, but then the inevitable realisation and despair set in. We broke up in November last year, and last spoke in late December. I’ve been no contact since then, until last Saturday.

I went through months of feeling terrible, struggling with the ups (the disillusioned euphoric episodes that come with the sense of freedom) and downs (seeing her tinder profile) that come with heartbreak, scared that I would see her in our local pub, I work about 300 yards from her house, so she’s just always been there in my mind I guess. A few months ago, I started feeling a lot better, I simply just told myself that whenever she crept into my mind, I would just shut it out, and it worked. It took about 3 weeks until I could go for hours and hours without thinking about her, and even if I did, it didn’t stir up the same emotions, just a slight twinge of sadness compared to the peril of before.

I was doing fine, until Saturday. I was at a pub with some friends and there she is, waiting at the bar, my friends clocked her and said ok let’s finish this drink then go, as they could tell my mood had shifted, I saw her with another man, and I kind of expected it. As we were walking past, I noticed it was her brother, so I said it, and walked up, gave her a hug and asked how she was, I didn’t outstay my welcome, and would say the conversation only lasted about two minutes tops, then I made my exit after saying it was nice to see you.

Since then, after months of feeling ok , I suddenly feel numb. One thing I’ve not seen anyone on here talk about (could be mistaken) is how your ex becomes this mythical creature almost, you dream and fantasies about what they’re doing, what they’re thinking, and you assume they’re a completely different person compared to when you knew them.

Seeing her was horrible, as you have so many memories of being so intimate with someone, then being the most important thing to you, you see each other naked literally and figuratively on a regular basis, yet when they’re there as a living breathing person I’m front of you after months of not speaking, you don’t feel like you know them at all. I don’t feel as sad as before, not near as much, but I feel very anxious, it’s seemed to have set me back a few months. I suddenly think, how can I have been so close to this person, not even a year ago, and I just had the most awkward conversation ever with her, like we both didn’t know where to look and the nervous awkwardness was very clearly coming out of our mouths.

I’ve gone through this before, so I know I can get through it, but I’m scared about my future, how am I going to let myself back in to someone? How am I not going to be scared of getting hurt for a third time. It feels like this lasts forever, I’m only 26, but my patience with myself is running thin, I have tried, read and watched everything possible over the last 9 months to try and get through this, I’ve done hypnotherapy, I’ve realised what I’m lacking in life, I’ve studied the brain and realised what it is about my emotions and how my brain is tricking me into thinking about her and what I want from her. I have no intent on contacting her, as I know this achieves absolutely nothin and sets me back to day 1, but I don’t know what to do anymore

Thanks for reading those that did

I am sorry it was so hard on you. Was it really as a bad as day one? Just think...you have that under your belt now and I am sure it won't hurt as bad the next time and the eventually it'll be easier. I have this fear too though, of running into him. I can't decide if I would be rude or nice to him lol.

There are milestones, you know, just like anything. The first time you see them post a picture with someone else, the first time you see them update their relationship status, have a kid....etc. It is painful, but you will get through it and we are all here to help.

These are all totally natural feelings you're having. We all have them. We've all been there. I had to work next to my ex's office for almost a year and I saw her almost every day for 18 months. And then I kept running into her at various social functions because we were in the same social circle for another year or two. You will get through it. And hopefully you'll find someone where the relationship will never end.