Trying no contact with children

Hi everyone,

I'm curious to know if anyone could help me.

Ok, so I filled for child support. I went to see and attorney, I liked him he was straight forward and he seemed to go guide me in the right direction. He said I would just apply for child support on my own and if my ex (kids father) wanted to do custody battle or just fight me to hire him and he would help me.

First of, my ex, yeah he's not the type to go out of his way to go get information, fill out paper work and just deal with things of that sort.

When we were together he did pay child support and I would tell him to do something about getting visitations to cut down his child support payment. Also I would think ahead and would want to eventually incorporate his daughter to our family( at the time when I thought he wanted to even be with me) Anyways he would put it off or say he didn't want to talk about it or deal with it at the time.

Now, I filled for child support, I'm waiting to get a response.

My concerns:

How long does it actually take for him to get notifilled that I filled?

Should I still allow for him to take our kids for couple of hours during the week?

( he does mention he's tired and he feels sleepy since he wakes up early for work 3am) but he still would take our kids I am concerned because he drives with them to his "home" with the chick he lives with. He picks them up after 3pm and drop them off at 8pm. Last time I let him see them was almost two weeks ago.

Should I mention I filled?

Because he does do payments to the car I drive(under both our names but I pay insurance on it) would that count as child support? One attorney said it does not but one i spoke over the phone said it would be considered child support because I'm driving it.

I'm actually nervous to know what is his reaction going to be, like call me and just cuss me out? Run away? Come and look for me and just go off?

How should I handle things like tell him? Not tell him? Continue letting him take our kids with out knowing the living conditionshe's in that could be a danger to our kids. Would he go away and take them with him?

Just a lot of things go through my mind, I am scared of the future/unknown.

What if I did the wrong thing? What if this backfires on me?

In the past I did text him if he wanted custody of our kids because at the moment of my emotions I would feel I wouldn't bee good enough to take care of them. But I've kept strong and handle my mommy duties as best I can, even if I cry at times and my oldest tells me to not cry that everything will be alright and tells me she loves me and kisses me.

Sorry if its too much, I'm just asking how someone else has handled this type is situation.

Also I got mad once he was giving me a ride, we went to pick up our daughter from school, I told him it would be nice for him to get off and go get her since it would make her day, not at all often that he picks her up.

I decided to snoop in the car, found his work phone and went threw it, I didn't expect to find what I did. Text messages,

"Hi babe, what should we eat today, "

"I don't know babe what ever you want, "

"how aboit enchiladas babe "

" sure that's fine babe "

And just 😊 emoji

It made my head race like it never has before, I felt my face turn hot with anger.

This was the moment I confirmed he was actually living with her, what crossed my mind, was how could he still have sex with me when he's living with her, why tell me we would get through this, when I would cry to him.

And the chats with her seemed so "normal" like I....we.....never were anything..... like nothing had happend and he was a single guy with no kids, that was in a relationship with someone and just decided to take the next step and move in.....

That really hurt and made me feel like I ment nothing and was nothing to him...... anger....hurt...sadness... took over me

Ok so out of that he has a radio in the car which the little face comes off, I took it and never gave it back. He text me,

"Have u found the car stereo. Its been weeks im going to be falling asleep while driving i need u to give it back if not im going to have to put a new one on and deduct it its really getting annoying "

So as you can see I read it as a threat, to give it back or he would not give me the lousy $100 a week he sometimes gives me for our kids.

I know it might of been wrong from my part but I was mad, and come to find out he was still playing me.

I don't think anyone here is qualified to give you legal advice. From a personal standpoint though, I would not act until you have received sufficient legal advice that you feel confident making a decision on your own (or perhaps with the help of a family member). That means I would not mention that you filed until/unless you have a reason to do so. The less you share with your ex, the better.

EXCEPT when it comes to children. You cannot stop him from seeing his children, and trying will look very bad on you if it ever came to a custody battle. It is in your best interests, and your children's best interests, that you find a way to co-parent that you can both agree to without involving any legal authorities. Ask him, perhaps, if he would like to take them every second weekend - picking them up on the Friday and returning them Sunday morning/afternoon.

If he has ever given you a reason to think he is going to harm or neglect the children, then it is understandable that you would be unwilling to let him take them. But if he has been an otherwise good father, your break up is unlikely to change that. If anything, he may be an even better father to them when he knows his time with them is limited.

As far as his living arrangements, I would speak to him when you see him (but not in an accusatory manner). Ask him where the children will stay and what activities he plans to do with them - maybe you can suggest some activities for them to do together. That way you are encouraging the kind of visit that you hope he has, even though you ultimately have no say in the matter. Obviously, if your children return and you have any reason to believe they weren't cared for adequately, then you might seek further legal advice before letting him see them. But until that point, your worries about it are not enough to justify preventing him access to the children.

Also I got mad once he was giving me a ride, we went to pick up our daughter from school, I told him it would be nice for him to get off and go get her since it would make her day, not at all often that he picks her up.

I decided to snoop in the car, found his work phone and went threw it, I didn't expect to find what I did. Text messages,

"Hi babe, what should we eat today, "

"I don't know babe what ever you want, "

"how aboit enchiladas babe "

" sure that's fine babe "

And just 😊 emoji

 

It made my head race like it never has before, I felt my face turn hot with anger.

This was the moment I confirmed he was actually living with her, what crossed my mind, was how could he still have sex with me when he's living with her, why tell me we would get through this, when I would cry to him.

And the chats with her seemed so "normal" like I....we.....never were anything..... like nothing had happend and he was a single guy with no kids, that was in a relationship with someone and just decided to take the next step and move in.....

That really hurt and made me feel like I ment nothing and was nothing to him...... anger....hurt...sadness... took over me

 

Ok so out of that he has a radio in the car which the little face comes off, I took it and never gave it back. He text me,

"Have u found the car stereo. Its been weeks im going to be falling asleep while driving i need u to give it back if not im going to have to put a new one on and deduct it its really getting annoying "

So as you can see I read it as a threat, to give it back or he would not give me the lousy $100 a week he sometimes gives me for our kids.

I know it might of been wrong from my part but I was mad, and come to find out he was still playing me.

I'm sorry if this sounds awful, but this is borderline delusional. I can tell you are incredibly hurt by his behaviour so I understand it, but you need to try and reel it in.

The text messages do not confirm that he is living with another woman. He may just be seeing someone regularly and already had plans to meet for dinner that they had arranged in person or over the phone - hence confirming what was for dinner. That is a very normal activity for couples who do not live together, and it does not mean that your children would be in any danger if they saw their father, nor that this person is going to have any contact with your children

Are you in therapy at the moment? The stress of this situation seems to be taking a massive toll on you. I would really recommend that you seek support from friends, family and a professional who you feel you can trust.

I confronted him about it and I was right he does live with her. My concern with my children being with him and her that he might be ignoring them or pushing her on our kids. When I get them back I ask my kids where they went and they say "to mommy's house", that under a me because if I'm right he is probably pushing her into our kids just so he can have both at the same time( her spend time with him and him have our kids as well) something I find not good because eod he takes them is for him to spend time with him, just him because they do get happy when they see him and miss him. It's just upsetting how he's doing things I didn't think he would do.

I am starting to get professional help

There was more messages, where they would talk about when they get home from work to have couple of drinks to relax, buying things for the home or just things in general for future outings.

I'm sorry, I laughed about the car radio face. You need to return that to him.

Going forward, make sure your texts are not abusive nor threatening towards him. Do not provide him with any ammunition .If he decides to bring this to court , every word you write will be seen and used against you.

As far as the other woman, I understand it hurts you, but unless she's a convict, proven drug addict, child predator,etc, there's nothing you can do to control her being around your children. Do not ever question your children about her or talk bad because it really messes with their minds and creates a great deal of guilt within them. They are just innocent in this battle between two parents who have chosen to live separately.

Do therapy for yourself to heal, and limit your contact to only concerning the kids/financial affairs. Other than that, break all communication.

Don't worry about his reaction to the child support. It's his responsibility. I'd just fill out the paperwork to have his wages attached so that you can get it direct deposited into your account and not have to deal with it.