Should I regret my decision to move on? Or is that the pain talking? Please advise!

Hey Guys! Really need some advice as I am really hurting and feelings really week :(.... Let me give you some back story first. Last October me and my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up. I wasn't blindsided or anything as things have been rocky the last year since I moved back to my hometown. I was living about an hour away in Biloxi for 2 years and the first year and a half of our relationship. Everything was great between us literally until I moved home (Daphne, AL). Not for him, I had a job change. But that was a plus. I was so very unhappy when I moved home, as most of my friends all lived other places and were moved away. Its a smaller town. Same places to go over and over. He knew how unhappy I was there and it has taken a toll on our relationship. It's like we could truly never move forward.

Well, I got an opportunity to move to Nashville and I chose to do it. Obviously after discussing it with him, it was a rough month of October trying to work through that. As he was very upset but could not hold me back. As far as I knew, he was content with living at home, small town boy, never really got out much or seen many places. I am complete opposite. Well, I know things have been rocky but my love for him is so strong. I wanted to make it work when I moved. But he was iffy has he didn't like long distance. He ultimately decided to end it, which I was actually very surprised. He said he couldn't see himself in Nashville (I guess like ever), and just felt I wouldn't grow as a person if I have back home holding me back. He said he didn't feel part of my journey, even though I had already looked up plane tickets and offered to buy them once a month for him to come visit me. I asked him what more was I supposed to do. I told him that he must not care for me enough if hes going to let me go like that and not at least try and make it work. But he said that wasn't the case, that he cared for me to much, wanted to let me do what makes me happy and not hold me back.

So after the break up back in October I ended up reaching back out to him only after a week in a half (I know). Well apparently he was just as hurt as I was. He then told me he was considering moving to Nashville for me. Which was a huge shock to me. And he was serious about it, as he did talk to his parents about it and they encouraged him. I was instantly excited. I told him I would just give him time to think and make a decision, not realizing it was going to take forever... Things were going good for about 3 weeks. We only hung out once during that time, but were talking like we were still together. Then I started to kind of lose my mind because we were just in that "gray area" ya know? I started to feel like he didn't want to be with me. I couldn't understand why we couldnt just be together. But heres the thing, he had never been to nashville, and I wasn't moving until the first of February. SO basically I was going to have to wait until he came and visited me. Well we didn't quite make it that far. We both looked at the situation differently. I was worried that he would resent me if he moved up here and also worried about what if he visited and hated it and then cut communication. I was looking out for myself and he was looking out for himself.

And once again, the gray area killed me. I made it clear to him in that last 3 months I was home that I wanted to be with him. I wanted to spend those last 3 months we had together to build up our relationship for long distance. But he also didn't want to do the whole long distance thing. He's done it before and had a bad experience, etc. I just didn't understand why he wasnt wanting to be with me, but wanted to have my around to talk to. That angered me and I felt I needed all or nothing. To me, it wasnt fair to keep talking to me but not be with me. I ended up telling him a few days before the new year that I couldnt talk to him, and that he just needed to reach out to me in a month or so if he decides he wants to be with me. And he did not agree with that. He was worried I would be moved on by that time. Which was not fair at all in my opinion to just be keeping me around to talk to out of fear I am going to move on. I told him it wasn't fair. I also said if I did move on in that amount of time than I guess it wasn't meant to be. Well he would text me like once a week. And then he started texting me too frequently. Went over to my house and spent time with my dog, (my dog that he went with me to get as a puppy so he felt it was his in a way). I mean it was fine but the communication was getting too frequent and it was messing with my head.

I ended up kind of lashing out at him one night after a few drinks because he was texting me too much and not really respecting how I felt. This was a week in a half before I moved. So close to end of January. I ended up apologizing the next day and I told him it was apparent to me that I needed to move on. I just had anger built up that he wouldnt be with me and the situation was just hard to deal with. He was very cold and was like okay take care. Then of course the next day I got a text from him that started an argument, but then I just told him how hurt I was at this situation and how I just couldnt stop crying about it, which I couldnt. He offered to come over and comfort me. I hadnt seen him in a month in a half. It sounded nice. He came over laid with me, we hung out for a few hours. Had sex of course (and this was totally all me, not him btw). And I did enjoy our time but when I woke up the next morning it was like a wave of emotion. Just felt down and depressed as I realized nothing had changed. Us hanging out changes nothing. We still arent together, he still doesnt want to be with me, even though I know he loves me very much and is just scared because I am moving. And I couldnt wait for him to make that decision. I was hurting really bad. He text me the next afternoon and said it was really nice to see you and hang out. And I just unleashed my essay telling him that I woke up am hurt and that I needed to move on. I told him that I respect his decision that he cant be with me, and that he needs to respect my decision to move on because of that. I told him please dont make this hard on me. I wanted this to work really bad, but I can't wait around anymore. I told him I still loved him very much. And that I am very hurt by this all, and how sorry I am if I hurt him. I felt this was the best decision at the time, as I was about to move in a week and I didn't want to carry this hurt on when I move into my new place. And I just felt I had been toyed with for the last 3 months. And I felt they were just wasted away. Time we could have spent together working on our relationship,

Well, I never got a response back. Nothing. Not even an okay. For days I wondered if he even got the text. Its now been 3 weeks yesterday since we have talked. I know he was probably just respecting my feelings and wishes as I said we couldnt communicate anymore. Now I am in my new home in nashville, and I am struggling more than ever with moving on. I know that my decision was probably best for the long run as I feared us not being together and just causally talking could lead to later and worse heartbreak. Like if he was to meet someone and was still talking to me and then I found out. That would absolutely kill me worse. But I think I am just in this new area and I haven't found my niche yet. I have a few friends but it doesnt really feel like home yet. And on top of me missing my family, I am dealing with this heart break. Also, both my roommates are in relationships, doesn't help either. Part of me regrets telling him I needed to move on even though I believe I did need to. The gray area was breaking me down and I am sure anyone who has been in that gray area with someone knows how I felt. I really stood by my decision until the last week in a half or so. I've gotten worse as the days have gone by. Cry just randomly when I think of him. Because I am just wondering what hes thinking? Mainly bc I never got a response back. So I don't really feel I got closure and I feel like he hates me. And I am sure he thinks I am already moved on, having fun in this new place. But truth is, I am having to adjust and its not as easy as I thought it would be. I have thought about texting him so many times. But I don't think that is the best idea. I am just really hurt and I feel lost. I don't know if what i did was right. but that could just be the pain talking. Can someone please give me some advice??? Did I make the wrong decision? Is this normal to be regretting cutting things off? Can someone give me some advice on how to move on? I would appreciate anyone's insight into this and will be happy to answer any questions.

There are typically regrets when you end a relationship, even when it's your own decision. Afterall, it wasn't all bad and you have some good memories.

But it doesn't translate into being right for each other.

I can remember grieving just as much ending a relationship as I did when I was the one left behind.

Don't let it sway you.

It helps to write things down. Keep a list of all the reasons to justify your decision.

In moments of weakness, pull the list out to remind yourself.

We fool ourselves into thinking if it's the right thing to do, then it should feel right in some way.

It's just not the way it works sometimes.

Just know what you are feeling is normal.

Hang in there.

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately he was never on board with moving to you or a LDR. It seems you've become incompatible and have grown apart. First cope with the homesickness and getting adjusted to your new job, place and living situation. The rest will be ok. Get on some dating apps and start talking to and meeting local guys for coffee. Also look around your new area and join some groups, clubs volunteer, etc.