Fully letting go.

Hi all, looking for some advice in regards seeing pictures of my ex-girlfriend -happy and gorgeous two years later.

We had a beautiful two-year relationship, being each others first real love. I was absolutely head over hills for her and would have done and given up everything for her. We felt and talked as if we were eternal soul mates and the loves of our life. I lost my virginity to her and she was the girl of my dreams (wow that was a nice time for me). While we were going out everyhting seemed perfect to me even though now in hinsight (almost two years later) i realise that i became a bad frend, a bad family memeber, less caring and down to earth person. Nonetheless, in regards to our own relationship i felt so much love from and towards her. I enviosned the rest of my life with her.

She went to study abroad for 7 months, we decided to break up as we decided that it would be to hard to stay together. It would also be unfair if one of us had moved etc. Our relationship completely disentreatged after a few months of her being away, and i spirreled into a severe anxiety and depression for 18 months. I completey blocked her out of my life. I wanted nothing to remind me of her. Mainly because she seemed to fine, so okay, and showed me no signs of wanting to get back with me or at the very least missing me. Anyways its been almost two years now, wow ive aged about ten. The other night i was sitting next to a mate who had her on snapchat, i saw her looking so happy and hot. My heart dropped i felt like i wanted to throw up. Dno how to describe the anxi but my fellow anxi peeps out there will know what im saying....This happens every time i see a photo of her. Ive delted eveything on my side and she does not live in the same city so i never see her, so the only time i see her is if im glancing at a friends phone accidently.

I guess my point is. Its been two years an although im a lukcy and privleded guy. My life is great. I have a supportive family and friends base. I rationally know in my mind that she wasnt right for me even if my heart and emotions feel differently. I still think of her atleast every day if not every coulple of hours, i still feel anxious and depressed all stemming from the break up. And a bloody photo of her sends me into a two day depression. Sorry, know im venting. Any help would be much appreciated. Ive seen a psycolgist about 12 times btw.

Well I must ask, how frequently are you accidentally glancing at a friends' phone? I definitely relate to what you're experiencing and honestly it's tough being in that position but have you attempted moving on, dating or entertaining your interests?

You have to take steps to not hold yourself back or miss out on opportunities by reminiscing on those fond memories of the past, because from the looks of things it seems she passed that therefore you at least owe yourself to give it a try!

Not very frequently but we have a lot of mutual friends so in the past two years there has been a few times when ive seen her photos .. i am doing so much better .. after mediating.. going to thearpy... seen other girls ... and im overall happy now .. but i just cant fully shake her off if that makes sense

You should go on some dates. Nothing serious unless it just happens, but another gal paying attention to you and you making each other laugh and smile will definitely help. It helped me when my wife left. Nothing came of it but that was my choice, I needed to be single and on my own for a bit but it was a huge confidence booster just to kiss and make out with someone else. Life's too short to stay in a rut over someone from your PAST.

Well if the breakup was mutual how come y'all haven't reach out and being that it occurred over that length of time you're probably still in need of some closure it seems... So if it's pride that's preventing you from reaching out then ask yourself which is more important in order to move pass your current state.. Don't confuse fun with what people tend to portray on their social media outlets, just because she's smiling and seems to be haven't the time of her life doesn't mean that's reality, I'm pretty sure no one upload videos of themselves in bad mood or crying even when they may be going thru turmoil, that's not what people portray on those sites... I think you sure decide how to move pass it because if the way you've been doing things don't seem to help consider other alternatives.

Although we both agreed the breakup was the appropriate course of action to take conisdering she was going to an american college for 7 months, we were still both devastaed and sad to end things. She was so upset she could barely speak the last three days we spent together. She sobbed her eyes out saying goodbye to me. Then for our relationship to just fall apart emotially when she was away sent me into a sevre depresssion. I guess the betrayal affected me the most. I cant exactly get that closure from her firstly as shes told me a few times we are over and because i believe closure comes from within anyway. In regards to dating ive dated a few times seeing two of those girls a but more serisously. Nonetheless i just cant fully put my first love - my soul mate - behind me