Need help sorting this out

Up front...I will do my best to make this short...I need help sorting this out in my head. So any help or advise is appreciated. I met my ex GF on Match.com 2.5 years ago...The first year everything was great...She was chasing me like mad...Professed her unconditional love to me...I had a bit of a wall up cuz of my previous relationships and a bad marriage of 14 years...My ex wife was abusive and I had a hard time letting anyone in again... But slowly my ex GF was working her way into my heart....I am 43 now, she is 41...I have 2 children and I share them with my ex wife, week on and week off. She has 4 children, and 2 out of the 4 have psychological disabilities. Her son has Autism and her daughter has severe social depression and disorder.... When we first began dating it wasn't so noticeable... Slowly I caught on to it, but it seemed mild...As we progressed into the relationship I noticed that her children were very controlling. Their father (her ex) was still in love with her after being divorced with her for 9 years...He (her ex) was depressed, he had low self esteem, he had very little interaction with the kids, where my children had interaction from both me and their mom..., her kids only knew her....When I would go to visit her, I noticed that she treated her Autistic son out of sight and out of mind...16 year boy and left to fail in school and on social levels...As if she did not care much for him..I asked her several times if her kids were fine, cuz they seemed off a bit, but she reacted as if it was the norm..She works full time and allowed her kids to run the house...It was always chaos in there. And me being prior military, the chaos did not sit very well with me...Her home was as if a storm hit it from every angle on the inside...But I fell for her... I fell in love... The intimacy was great, we both provided each other tons of attention, but she wanted more....More of attention, more closeness, more of be with me everyday stuff...I was not ready... But I felt pressured....And I did not want to hurt her.... She did not have a great career and I knew that her financial status was not so great, but she had a honest job (she still does) and I saw that she was trying hard to do better...I have a awesome career, love my job, I make over 100k plus a year, I walked out of my divorce without a scratch, I don't owe my ex wife a dime, I got to keep my big beautiful home, I worked my way up the corporate ladder and I experienced my prior life in the military from every angle...I have seen the world and I appreciate what I have and what I have accomplished over the years on my own.... Not sure if that was what she saw, but she pushed to move in together....I gave in and we did....She and her kids moved in with me and my kids would come for two weeks out of the month or more... But things changed....My home became chaos....Although I laid out the rules and everyone agreed, her kids did not want to help out with chores, disrespected me and my home and my children... My children began to feel affected by the madness and spoke to me about it... Her kids acted as if they owned my home and started acting as if they wanted me and my kids to leave....I decided to raise the issues to her attention but she absolutely did nothing to fix the problems. She gave me tons of excuses...Eventually after 6 months of dealing with a bad family dynamics, I asked her to find a place and move out....Trust me, there is a lot more to it.....I was constantly disrespected by her 2 older girls....It felt as if it was malicious, as if they wanted this to go bad, they wanted me to snap...My buttons were pushed to every level....No one, no matter how sane they are would put up with so much disrespect from teenage girls....But to her it was normal....all honky dory....those two were angels...but I was taking it in my own home, and so were my kids...My kids accepted her kids, but her kids did not accept me or my kids....it was a power struggle..... So as I mentioned before, I asked her to leave...She went into this stage of depression, or so it seemed...Our intimacy was over, she no longer cared...I noticed changes... But she took her time moving out....I told her that I loved her and I did not want to break up, but that she needed to open up her eyes and see that her kids were not happy in my home...So we held a family pow wow....Her kids spoke out loud and clear....They told her right in front of me and my son as a witness that they wanted out....gone..to move out...that they hated me....and wanted their old life back... She finally heard the truth....and the reality check was right there.... So I gave her time to find a place...But still she was taking her time....not really acting on it....Gave me excuses....she was distant and I was treated like air...One night her daughter pushed me to the limit....I finally snapped...I raised my voice and said things I shouldn't.... Next day she packed up what she could and went to live with her parents.... I am not proud for losing my cool, but that girl pushed the last button and said rude things to me, to drive that nail into that coffin....and she did it right in front of my ex GF...and my ex GF didn't react....she allowed it... So next day she moved out....But left 90% of her belongings behind.... She continued to communicate and saw me a few times....we were intimate again and she told me she still loved me....then she came to get her furniture etc....She bought a home....invited me over to look at it....etc...I thought things were fine again....and boom she dropped me like a hot potatoe... she blocked me on everything except e mail... I tried the flowers, apology letters, etc.... We would e mail each other a bit....but every e mail from her was that she was hurt etc... In mean time I got my house in order again, and began some self healing.....I begun counseling as I thought that I was to blame, as she blamed me for what went wrong....it was all my fault and her kids were victims....that I needed to change..etc...I seriously started working on myself and went into NC for a while ....She stopped all communication with me....I felt better after a month and I figured that maybe I should go back out there....So I started checking out dating sites....and there she was on Zoosk in her full glory and with pictures I took of her.....that hit me hard, so I e mailed her....I felt crushed.... But all of the sudden she e mailed me back... And we regained momentum.... We unblocked each other.....started texting... She told me that she still loved me...and asked me to meet her....We met up and she had that look on her face as if she missed me so much....At the restaurant she cried her eyes out....told me she went on a couple of dates, but could not stop thinking about me...that she was still in love with me....and wanted to work things out....I was so happy to have her back again...told her what I have done to fix me....but I was a bit hurt that she went out so quick on dates and who knows what she did...But I decided to let it go and put effort into salvaging our relationship... We agreed to work on us and keep the kids out for a long time...Basically not tell her kids especially since they hated me so much....My kids were cool with it...Things were promising again...everyday texts etc...we would find time to see each other.... I was putting in a lot of effort but she voiced to me that her trust level was not as high as it used to be...she still felt hurt, but wanted to give it a shot, she still felt lots of love for me....And I was working overtime to how her that I am so much better.....then one day her kids found out that we were together again and all the drama started again....that felt to me like doom again....of course her BFF found out also, and her parents and the drama became worse...For a minute it felt as if she stood up for me....but things were going south...she began telling me that her trust was not so high, that she still loved me, but her feelings were at war....we continued seeing each other, the intimacy was great, I continued working hard to show her love and affection.... Then few weeks ago she took her daughter to counseling cuz the situation with her became worse....we are talking a 19 year old with depression and anxiety... Didnt sign up for the college semester, no job, just at home sleeping till late in the afternoon etc.... I encouraged my ex GF to take her to see a specialist and I dont know what was said in there...I am sure that I came up....so also a few weeks back we were on a date and she told me that she felt as if her life wasn't so great, that she was unhappy, didnt know what was bugging her...she could not tell me specifically what it was but something was missing in her life....I asked her if we should split up...I told her that it would hurt me, but if that is what she wanted I understood... She said NO....but that she was her own enemy...? I didnt get that? Did not know what she meant? Why be ur own enemy? Next week we saw each other on Tuesday....we were intimate....but her daughter texted her some stuff about me that evening...I saw the text....she told her that she hated me and not to tell me about the therapy sessions.....I was concerned why this text was coming through?....We talked and texted on Wednesday... Same on Thursday.... We made plans for Friday evening as usual....On Friday I sent her the Good morning text as always I would...she did not reply...she finally did hours later and said she had a busy day at work...Did not hear from her all day so I texted her about 4:30 PM to ask if we were still going out that evening.....she replied that she was exhausted and wanted to stay home....I texted her to ask her when could I see her, but her replies were distant (maybe Saturday or Sunday) or next week...but it all felt distant..... I called but she did not pick up.... So I decided to give her some space ...Saturday I heard nothing, Sunday nothing....finally Sunday evening I texted her....asked her what was going on....and thats when she hit me with: I am done, I dont feel the same as you feel, I want space, distance, this relationship is pressure, its not you, its me, I am unhappy, dissatisfied, she rehashed the past of moving out back on me etc.....as if a bunch of excuses were coming my way....we continued this till Monday...then she blocked me on everything and even her e mail this time .... I wanted to return her few belongings so I contacted her on her work e mail...she responded....we arranged her pick up of her things from my porch...she came and got her stuff.. I e mailed her again just to make sure she got her stuff and she came back with a fierce e mail back trashing my self esteem.... I replied politely and she came back telling me that she unblocked me on text....we texted very little and she was cold to me.... I asked her if she wanted to grab some coffee? She replied: its only been a minute.... I quit texting her after that....2 days later I got a notification from Match.com and there was her profile...and no, I am not on Match....I dont have a profile....I closed my account when I met her, but they keep sending me notices....and there it was....there she was on Match...same pictures I took of her....like a punch in the gut... She has been on it for 2 weeks now....I am not a stalker but I can just do a search....the first week looks like she was active then not active for 3 days..then active and not active for 3 days . . I think she met someone.... IDK...it sucks....when she texted me her good byes, she said that she wanted to ficus on her kids and re discover herself.....that she was damaged goods and needed to find herself again.....is jumping on a dating site a solution to focusing on your kids? Anyways sorry that my story is this long...Can anyone shine so me light here for me? What the hek is going on here? Thanks....

Please break this up into several paragraphs as nobody is going to read this massive wall of text.

I want to add that I never kicked her out of my home...I asked her to leave because the situation with the kids was so toxic... Also, not once did she recognize that her kids were a huge factor in this issue and have been a huge factor in our relationship.... As if they control her and any relationship she ever had...Also she told me and her girls were urging her and telling her to do better than me....She told me that she deserved better than me....I dont know if it gets better out there.. I just dont get why she so quickly jumped back to dating?....I am trying to pick up the pieces again....She is out there as if she does not care...Before she met me, she had short lived relationships with guys that did not care for her kids, just wanted one thing....I actually gave an effort.... Its like does she even love me? Already moving on this quick? Ladies and Gents. .any help here is appreciated....

I apologize... My first time here...I dont think I can break it up now....

Up front...I will do my best to make this short...I need help sorting this out in my head.

So any help or advise is appreciated.

I met my ex GF on Match.com 2.5 years ago...The first year everything was great...She was chasing me like mad...Professed her unconditional love to me...I had a bit of a wall up cuz of my previous relationships and a bad marriage of 14 years...My ex wife was abusive and I had a hard time letting anyone in again... But slowly my ex GF was working her way into my heart....

I am 43 now, she is 41...I have 2 children and I share them with my ex wife, week on and week off. She has 4 children, and 2 out of the 4 have psychological disabilities. Her son has Autism and her daughter has severe social depression and disorder.... When we first began dating it wasn't so noticeable... Slowly I caught on to it, but it seemed mild...As we progressed into the relationship I noticed that her children were very controlling. Their father (her ex) was still in love with her after being divorced with her for 9 years...He (her ex) is depressed, he has low self esteem, he has very little interaction with the kids, where my children had interaction from both me and their mom..., her kids only know her....

When I would go to visit her, I noticed that she treated her Autistic son as if out of sight and out of mind...16 year boy and left to fail in school and no forward movement on social levels...As if she did not care much for him and it concerned me, cuz I cared for this boy...I asked her several times if her kids were fine, cuz they seemed off a bit, but she reacted as if it was the norm..

She works full time and allowed her kids to run the house...It was always chaos in there. And me being prior military, the chaos did not sit very well with me...Her home was as if a storm hit it from every angle on the inside...But regardless of things i did not like, I fell for her... I fell in love... The intimacy was great, we both provided each other tons of attention, but she wanted more....More of attention, more closeness, more of be with me everyday stuff.

..I was not ready... But I felt pressured....And I did not want to hurt her.... She did not have a great career and I knew that her financial status was not so great, but she had a honest job (she still does) and I saw that she was trying hard to do better...

I have a awesome career, love my job, I make over 100k plus a year, I walked out of my divorce without a scratch, I don't owe my ex wife a dime, I got to keep my big beautiful home, I worked my way up the coorporate ladder and I experienced my prior life in the military from every angle...I have seen the world and I appreciate what I have and what I have accomplished over the years on my own.... Not sure if that was what she saw, but she pushed very hard to move in together....I gave in and we did...

.She and her kids moved in with me and my kids would come for two weeks out of the month or more... But things changed immediately after they moved in...My home became chaos....Although I laid out the rules and everyone agreed, her kids did not want to help out with chores, disrespected me and my home and my children...

My children began to feel affected by the madness and spoke to me about it... Her kids acted as if they owned my home and started acting as if they wanted me and my kids to leave....I decided to raise the issues to her attention but she absolutely did nothing to fix the problems. She gave me tons of excuses

...Eventually after 6 months of dealing with a bad family dynamics, I asked her to find a place and move out....Trust me, there is a lot more to it.....I was constantly disrespected by her 2 older girls....It felt as if it was malicious, as if they wanted this to go bad, they wanted me to snap...My buttons were pushed to every level....No one, no matter how sane they are would put up with so much disrespect from teenage girls....But to her it was normal....all honky dory....those two were angels...but I was taking it in my own home, and so were my kids..

.My kids accepted her kids, but her kids did not accept me or my kids....it was a power struggle..... So as I mentioned before, I asked her to leave...She went into this stage of depression, or so it seemed...Our intimacy was over, she no longer cared...I noticed changes... But she took her time moving out....I told her that I loved her and I did not want to break up, but that she needed to open up her eyes and see that her kids were not happy in my home

...So we held a family pow wow....Her kids spoke out loud and clear....They told her right in front of me and my son as a witness that they wanted out....gone..to move out...that they hated me....and wanted their old life back... She finally heard the truth....and the reality check was right there.... So I gave her time to find a place...But still she was taking her time....not really acting on it....Gave me excuses....she was distant and I was treated like air

...One night her daughter pushed me to the limit....I finally snapped...I raised my voice and said things I shouldn't.... Next day she packed up what she could and went to live with her parents....

I am not proud for losing my cool, but that girl pushed the last button and said rude things to me, to drive that nail into that coffin....and she did it right in front of my ex GF...and my ex GF didn't react....she allowed it... So next day she moved out....But left 90% of her belongings behind.... She continued to communicate and saw me a few times....we were intimate again and she told me she still loved me

....then she came to get her furniture etc....She bought a home....invited me over to look at it....etc...I thought things were fine again....and boom she dropped me like a hot potatoe... she blocked me on everything except e mail... I tried the flowers, apology letters, etc.... We would e mail each other a bit....but every e mail from her was that she was hurt and her kids were victims etc... In mean time I got my house in order again, and began some self healing.....I begun counseling as I thought that I was to blame, as she blamed me for what went wrong....it was all my fault and her kids were victims and I was the evil person

...that I needed to change..etc...I seriously started working on myself and went into NC for a while

....She stopped all communication with me....I felt better after a month and I figured that maybe I should go back out there and date...So I started checking out dating sites....and there she was on Zoosk in her full glory and with pictures I took of her.....that hit me hard, so I e mailed her....I felt crushed.... But all of the sudden she e mailed me back... And we regained momentum....

We unblocked each other.....started texting... She told me that she still loved me...and asked me to meet her....We met up and she had that look on her face as if she missed me so much....At the restaurant she cried her eyes out....told me she went on a couple of dates, but could not stop thinking about me...that she was still in love with me....and wanted to work things out....I was so happy to have her back again...told her what I have done to fix me....but I was a bit hurt that she went out so quick on dates and who knows what she did...But I decided to let it go and put effort into salvaging our relationship..

. We agreed to work on us and keep the kids out for a long time...Basically not tell her kids especially since they hated me so much....My kids were cool with it..We knew that living separate was the best choice for now and that with time we can try again...Things were promising again...everyday texts etc...we would find time to see each other.... I was putting in a lot of effort but she voiced to me that her trust level was not as high as it used to be...she still felt hurt, but wanted to give it a shot, she still felt lots of love for me....And I was working overtime to show her that I am so much better.....

then one day her kids found out that we were together again and all the drama started again....that felt to me like doom again....of course her BFF found out also, and her parents and the drama became worse...For a minute it felt as if she stood up for me....but things were going south...she began telling me that her trust was not so high, that she still loved me, but her feelings were at war..I worked on being better even harder and found myself being this guy that was constantly not good enough...ughhhh!!!!!...

.But we continued seeing each other, the intimacy was great, I continued working hard to show her love and affection.... Then few weeks ago she took her daughter to counseling cuz the situation with her became worse....we are talking a 19 year old with depression and anxiety... Didnt sign up for the college semester, no job, just at home sleeping till late in the afternoon etc.... I encouraged my ex GF to take her to see a specialist and I dont know what was said in there at the therapists office...I am sure that I came up...

.so also a few weeks back we were on a date and she told me that she felt as if her life wasn't so great, that she was unhappy, didnt know what was bugging her...she could not tell me specifically what it was but something was missing in her life....I asked her if we should split up...I told her that it would hurt me, but if that is what she wanted I understood... She said NO....but that she was her own enemy...? I didnt get that? Did not know what she meant? Why be ur own enemy?

Next week we saw each other on Tuesday....we were intimate....but her daughter texted her some stuff about me that evening...I saw the text....she told her that she hated me and not to tell me about the therapy sessions.....I was concerned why this text was coming through? But could not get a straight answer..

..We talked and texted on Wednesday... Same on Thursday.... We made plans for Friday evening as usual

....On Friday I sent her the Good morning text as always I would...she did not reply...she finally did hours later and said she had a busy day at work...Did not hear from her all day so I texted her about 4:30 PM to ask if we were still going out that evening.....she replied that she was exhausted and wanted to stay home....I texted her to ask her when could I see her, but her replies were distant (maybe Saturday or Sunday) or next week...but it all felt distant..or as if she wanted nothing to do with me... I called but she did not pick up.... So I decided to give her some space ...Saturday I heard nothing, Sunday nothing....finally Sunday evening I texted her....asked her what was going on....and thats when she hit me with: I am done, I dont feel the same as you feel, I want space, distance, this relationship is pressure, its not you, its me, I am unhappy, dissatisfied, she rehashed the past of moving out back on me etc.....as if a bunch of excuses were coming my way....we continued this till Monday...then she blocked me on everything and even her e mail this time ....

I wanted to return her few belongings so I contacted her on her work e mail...she responded....we arranged her pick up of her things from my porch...she came and got her stuff.. I e mailed her again just to make sure she got her stuff and she came back with a fierce e mail back trashing my self esteem.... I replied politely and she came back telling me that she unblocked me on text....we texted very little and she was cold to me.... I asked her if she wanted to grab some coffee? She replied: its only been a minute.... I quit texting her after that

....2 days later I got a notification from Match.com and there was her profile...and no, I am not on Match....I dont have a profile....I closed my account when I met her, but they keep sending me notices....and there it was....there she was on Match...same pictures I took of her....like a punch in the gut... She has been on it for 2 weeks now....I am not a stalker but I can just do a search....the first week looks like she was active then not active for 3 days..then active and not active for 3 days . . I think she met someone.... IDK...it sucks....when she texted me her good byes, she said that she wanted to focus on her kids and re discover herself.....that she was damaged goods and needed to find herself again.....is jumping on a dating site a solution to focusing on your kids? Anyways sorry that my story is this long...Can anyone shine so me light here for me? What the hek is going on here? Thanks.