Love: What Everyone's Conceptual Understanding Should Become

Love.., What is it? What it could be? What should it be? And Why it is All of Those, and So Much More.

Love, the ultimate achievement for some.., yet the complete destruction for others. Often confused with infatuation, and lust.., but rarely confused when one loses it, or when it finds you unexpectedly. Yet.., how to know for sure..., Hmmm... Can be difficult.., sometimes seeming absolutely impossible., but I'll try to quantify the variables to make it..., possibly easier to know and recognize, and set some standards for personal reference.

Attraction Ground zero, the start, beginning, cover of the book if you will. Without a doubt, this HAS to be in the equation. Cause without it, being "In Love" is not impossible, but sure as hell will be more difficult to maintain, and won't flourish into much else besides a friendship. Now, this has two parts; One is physical, the other is mental. One must be attracted to the other in a physical manner, because affection, desire, passion, and sex all stem from this variable. Mental attraction is the base for longevity, connection, companionship, and stimulation to name a few. Typically, this comes in time and takes actual work to achieve. And without this, the overall health of everything will crumble apart, quickly at times. If one of these sub-variables is far more than the other.., you'll know.., so balance is the key, yet of course that's next to impossible. So knowing where you are willing to accept less in..., is really important.

Trust This is another MUST, and cannot be less than 100%. Too many outside variables are at play to not have complete trust in the person. And one must also take personal stock of themselves and their baggage when it comes to trust. So many project their insecurities on to the other person, causing fights, jealousy, and resentment. If you can't trust them, you can't be in love with them. Some will disagree, and I simply ask.., yeah.., so how's that working out for ya? Which you find out they are filled with far more hate, and other things.., not love. Not a variable to allow less of, unless you don't want to actually "be" in love.

Accountability and Compromise Guys and Girls have a problem with this one. Hell, people not in love have problems with this. It boils down to self, and taking responsibility for one's actions, even when you think you're right. Being in love needs compromise, and without accountability, gives little to no meaning to the word "love" itself. Cause you can't repair something, if you don't even think that you are a part of the problem. Love is a two-way street, and both must meet in the middle, giving 100% always. If you can't come to a mutual understanding of the others point of view, and feelings.., then you will build up walls, break down communication, and part ways with anger and discontentment.

Acceptance of Good and Bad Truly loving someone means that their faults are just as "lovable", as their strengths. When you think back to those you've loved in the past, often you remember their faults far more than their strengths. And when in love, these variables are just a part of the whole, which is why you are in love with them in the first place. This is a good gauge to determine whether or not you "Are" actually in love. Which can be used almost immediately after hanging out for a few weeks. Of course, actions that cross your values, and abject to your morals are not something one should just accept. Standing up for the core concepts that make you, "you", brings things back to accountability and compromise.

Separate yet Together Being together is, of course, the reason why you fall in love, and must be regulated to continue to be. If you can't be alone to grow as a person, and then come together to share and experience your growth together, then you have to question if you are in fact, loved by the other person. Cause if you truly love someone, you love how they move forward through life. How their experiences affect and change their mind set, and emotions at times. And you feel more connected to them by what they have experienced, because they're a part of your internal structure. And you really know how much you truly love them, when you realize that you have grown apart, and that's still ok with you. Not easy I can tell you first hand, but still, a variable that is always a possibility, and one that must be respected and accepted..., in time of course.

I can hear it now.., "What about communication!!" I didn't forget.

Keeping Dialog Safe and Open This variable is non-negotiable as well. If you don't want the truth from the other person, you're not in love with them. If you don't want to hear what they have to say about whatever.., you're not in love with them. If you can't stand to have conversations that are important to them, yet make you feel uncomfortable at times, you're not in love with them. Why..? Because how the hell do you plan to keep, maintain, and grow any of the above variables, if you don't discuss those things verbally. Being in love does not mean you or the other person have become mind readers! They can't possibly "know" just what you like or dislike in the equation if nothing is relayed! So this variable is a "Duh", and an obvious given to have always, even when you don't want to. Neglect it, don't utilize it, or suppress it.., and you might as well just forget all the above, cause it won't be around for long.

It's not how the other person makes you feel so much as it is, how much you enjoy and cherish the other person's feelings and thoughts, in conjunction with your own.

These are just some of the variables I've come to really spend some time on, breaking them down, and really quantifying them. I find these particular things of extreme importance, and ones that continually get neglected or ignored by so many, including myself at times. I could write pages upon pages, but first must see if anything I have to say.., is even worth it to people..., So hoped this helped, or shed a different light on things that are sometimes hard to put into words. -Zenson

Hi Zenson,

Awesome post! You have a lot of truly good insights to love. I appreciate your perception because I believe that's what true love consists of as well. Thanks for sharing! I'm sure it will help others out.

Lisa

"Never assume the answer, Before knowing the question."