The Lies

I'm a 32 year old male and the love of my life is a 26 year old male. Since 2009, I knew that I had an interest with guys but never came close to having a long term, committed relationship until I met my love. We met last year on a Greyhound bus and instantly connected. We kept finishing each other's sentences. It was mind blowing. After several months of communicating, neither of us shared that we had feelings for one another. I was respectful to him because he had a girlfriend at the time and didn't want to exploit my sexuality on him. January 1, 2017, we both confessed via Snapchat our feelings for one another and since then, we've been inseparable until recently. In the beginning of March, we made plans to move in with each other in San Diego, where I currently reside. However, he had cold feet twice because even though he broke up with his girlfriend, he needed more time to take it all in. I was fine with that and reassured him that I don't mind waiting for him. However, lately I've been catching him in two lies he told me. Both lies related to him saying one thing about where he was at but being at his ex-girlfriend's house instead. From talking it out with him, when it comes to his ex, he doesn't want me involved and hurt. Most recently, he told me on April 10th that he left Atlanta for good and was on the road traveling to North Carolina to visit friends before he drives to California. However, from my reliable source, I received notice today that he went back to Atlanta on April 14th for the weekend when I thought that he was still in North Carolina. Then I find out that he accepted a job offer in Atlanta on April 4th and from viewing his Instagram account, he is in Atlanta this weekend when he told me that he was headed to West Virginia to visit family. Also, our communication is getting less and less as the days increase. I sent him a text earlier today stating that I would like to talk to him about some news that I need to share with him. I haven't heard back yet. I'm confused. We talked 2 days ago and everything seemed fine. What do you think I should do?

I think you should prepare yourself to go through some hurt.

I think you should prepare yourself to go through some hurt.

I am. Preparing myself for the best and worst outcomes. I also want an explanation from him as to why he consistently lies. However, I want to talk to him over the phone and not send any more texts.

How can you trust someone that consistently lies to you? If I were you, I'd be asking myself why I think that moving in with a liar was a good idea. It takes a lot more then just loving someone for a relationship to actually work and be happy in it.

How can you trust someone that consistently lies to you? If I were you, I'd be asking myself why I think that moving in with a liar was a good idea. It takes a lot more then just loving someone for a relationship to actually work and be happy in it.

That's the thing. I don't trust him and honestly, now that you mentioned it, I don't feel comfortable living with a liar. I am just confused if I should end all future plans and never talk to him again OR should I separate for a while until he accepts with his sexuality and see what happens from there. Thoughts?

I think you should look after your own emotional well being and do what is best for you. He's not showing you that he's ready to live with you so tell him you can see that he's not ready for that kind of commitment with you in the way that you'd wish, and end it with him. He's not finished being with his supposedly ex girlfriend so don't hurt yourself by stretching this out.

Just my opinion but by all accounts, I'm keeping it real.

I think you should look after your own emotional well being and do what is best for you. He's not showing you that he's ready to live with you so tell him you can see that he's not ready for that kind of commitment with you in the way that you'd wish, and end it with him. He's not finished being with his supposedly ex girlfriend so don't hurt yourself by stretching this out.

 

Just my opinion but by all accounts, I'm keeping it real.

You are right. I'm not happy and I need to look out for my best interest. Love comes and go. He won't be the only person that I fall in love with. Thank you for your advice!

I'm sorry to hear that he's not being honest with you and you deserve better. There was a strong connection but if he is not willing to accept it what can you do? You cannot force him. Some people are not "ok" with coming out for whatever reason. If he was always straight or recently in a hetero relationship, then this may make it harder. Here is an example. I have a friend who stays married and will not come out of the closet, he chooses to live a lie and he is unhappy every day . He has children ...... He's dying inside but he's definitely happier with men. Wife doesn't even know he is bisexual. I am here to cheer him out when he does, however, the truth is, it's up to free will. Your heart was all in but this guy, he couldn't put his all in. Therefore, he will be like my friend - trapped in a web of lies. You don't need a partner who will lie to you, and if he lies to you about something as stupid as travel, you just don't need that.