Boyfriend Puts Friends Before Me

Hey guys, I'll keep what would be a long story as short as I can: so my boyfriend (close to a year) has these friends, longtime friends. At the start of our relationship and for the months prior to that, I was his priority. I'm not the jealous or controlling type, in fact I usually tell him to just text me whenever guy time is over so I don't intrude. Well, starting in February, it's like they matter way more than me. We had set plans to hang out, we are semi-long distance, couple hours apart so we see eachother maybe twice a month so I really value our time, he sees his friends daily, mind you. They had plans that night, after he would've been long home, and they 'mistakenly' bumped the plans up to that afternoon, knowing he would be with me. (I get the vibe they're jealous since he's the only one in a relationship in the group) and he cancelled plans with me to be with them. Then this week, we had plans which got cancelled for reasons with his mom getting sick & rather than moving our plans to next weekend, he postponed them ANOTHER week, so he could hang out with his friends instead. But then he absolutely infuriated me last night. We were talking, making strip club jokes about the time his dad went, and mentioned on a vacation with his friends this summer, they wanted to go see some strippers, maybe get a few lapdances. I personally have nothing against strippers, they're more athletic than I'll ever be, but that is not something I'm cool with, which I told him. His response: "Well, doesn't matter, I'll go for the guys, they'd want me there and I wouldn't want my friends mad at me. I wouldn't even have to tell you." So here I am now. Wondering what to do.

You have a legitimate beef. It sounds as if he's taking you for granted.

Or maybe he's just not that into you...

Don't make this a "Me vs. your friends thing." That's just going to make you the bad guy every time no matter what. Just set your boundaries. When he blows off plans with you at the last minute for non-emergencies just be direct with him: "Hey, that's not cool. I made time for you today because I wanted to see you and I don't appreciate getting blown off like this. Either you start putting some effort into this relationship and treat me like I matter to you or I will leave." And mean it.

As for the stripper thing, that's another area in which you have to set your boundaries. If you aren't cool with him getting lap dances (I think that's reasonable) then you just need to tell him that if he chooses to do it, he's choosing to step over a boundary you have. If he doesn't listen, then he really doesn't care that much about you or your feelings and isn't worth staying with.

I agree with everything in the above posts. It's all in the boundaries you set. For me personally, I would be out of that relationship! I'm not saying I don't compromise, but you are clearly not his priority. I wouldn't settle for second best. He's not valuing your time, so why should you value his?

It's a tough one because, you can't really tell him what to do, it's his choice. So now the choice is yours to want to be in a relationship with so little? You have control weather you want to be in this relationship. I understand, you love him and etc, but is it worth it? Do you think he will change? I say, probably not, he's just going to get into the "you are making me choose between, you vs my friends" defense. I believe people do change, but only if they want to change. In this case, he is disregarding all your feelings and concerns. I say, kick him to the curb, move on with someone whom has time for you. Someone whom will treat you better.

I agree! I would be gone too. Not only because his friends are a priority over you, or because lap dances are cheating in my opinion as well, but also because his response to your discomfort was "oh well I'm going anyways, I just won't tell you." Seriously? . I'd have ended the relationship right there. What kind of "partner" says that?

Why do you see each other so seldom if you are only 2 hrs apart? Are there working, custody, transportation or other scheduling issues? Is he away at college and enjoying his freedom?

If he's repeatedly blowing you off for whatever reason, it's time to rethink this. It sounds like he's fading out or losing interest or interested in someone else.

It doesn't sound like he wants to be tied down to a relationship at this point. Pull way back from this and start getting more involved in your own local life.

At the start of our relationship and for the months prior to that, I was his priority. we are semi-long distance, couple hours apart so we see eachother maybe twice a month. he cancelled plans with me to be with them. Then this week, we had plans which got cancelled for reasons.

It's seldom because I'm in college and he's working. His days off are usually when I have class. So we try to adjust the best we can. Thanks for the input! Maybe I should start re-thinking. I give him my full attention and respect, it should be the same on his part.

One-sided relationships are frustrating and don't work.

I give him my full attention and respect, it should be the same on his part.