Partner wont believe im sick

This is probally going to be long so I will summarise the background as concisely as possible before I go into detail. theres probally alot of things i could be advised on in this post eg saving advice how i could bond with baby after a mc.... heres labour advice to help ease anxiety heres my morning sickness tips or even rights at work with no contract .....but really i just want to focus on my partner because we have been through so much together and i know even if things go bad if i have his support and love its easier to overcome other challenges

General Background

So about 2 years ago I had a mc . Im 16 weeks now . Planned Pregnancy. Generally terrified something will go wrong. Work in very physical job with my partner. money is tight house not really suitable for baby as its a self contained flat hoping to move soon as our contract is up end of month which is more money . No antinatal classes available. feeling geneally overwhelmed at the prospect of motherhood hormonal and generally sick.

Both myself and partner were off work for a month. we had money put away for the month but it wasnt enough to see us through and we were late on the rent . we are just about back on track now . During the month of i was sick. Stomach bug and flu as well as awful morning sickness . Really awful headaches backaches cramps fevers etc i lost about 3 stone and a half with vomiting to the extent myself and my partner was thinking should i even bother going back considering how physical my work is or get a sick line. (My doctor is usually very good at offering sick lines) but i have no contract with work so im unsure if im entitled to any sick leave or maternity . anyways it became an ongoing sort of joke with my doctor . generally my doctor would give you a sick line for a papercut if you asked . and thats become part of my problem

now the actual situation

Back at work for about a month now second trimester is much easier and its been a dream compared to the first where i was bed bound for the month off and ill even in work...but now since im in the second trimester the sickness it has eased of alot with the exception of dizzy spells headaches and sore back from lifting at work which i been taking paracetamol for . I kept joking i could use another holiday or break and another month off would be great but really compared to the first trimester it has been very manageable and my partner knows that .

Yesterday I woke up unwell and just physically drained and general morning sickness . I was considering taking the day off but decided against it and went to get ready for work when i accedently locked myself out (stupid i know) so in a nightdress and bare feet i walked to my mums house and she said i should take it as a sign to take the day of since i was unwell and had no uniform to go in anyways. So i phoned my boss saying i was unwell. I didnt want my partner to worry and think it was serious because he is just as paranoid as me that im going to loose the baby (he burried his sisters baby so thats always in his mind aswell as us loosing our first ) so I phoned him and said hey i phoned in sick but dont be stressing about me im not too bad just saying that as i just got locked out cant get my uniform im at my mums ....BIG MISTAKE

when he got home he was furious saying i am irresponsible how can i look after a kid if i cant look after myself what if i locked the kid in the house etc etc . hes fed up of looking after me etc etc and i took it bad being hormonal and all and it dawned on me how massive parenthood is and how unprepared i feel (dont know anyone who has kids, never babysitted, dont know what to expect for labour etc no antenatal classes offered and how financially we would cope plus i dont feel bonded with this baby because im worried i will loose it ) anyways after about 3 hours of crying down the phone to my mum while sobbing on the kitchen floor at 2am my mum advised me to calm down and relax, take tomorrow off work clear my head and just take it easy let my body and mind rest . (my partner was sleeping, i didnt want to wake him)

so to my partners disgust i took the day off I Told him i was physically and emotionally drained but he just called me lazy and left (mostly because he has to do my work when im not in work ) .

so today I went for lunch with my mum, but went home early with splitting headache dizziness vomiting and dioreaha and aching back. i said to my mum its probally just stress but I mentioned i have been getting frequent headaches and she suggested i went to the chemist for my bp as preeclapsia runs in my family she and her sister and most my cousins had it and heart problems run in the family too and that frequent headaches are a symptom.

so to the chemist we went. they said it was very low and i needed to relax take things easy for a few days to take fluids and come back get my bp checked tomorrow and discuss it with a midwife so i did

. The midwifes advise was much the same as the chemists. relax for a few days take it easy take painkillers drink fluids and get my bp checked again by my doctor or chemist during the week and if i get faint or dizzy again or still have a sore head after painkillers or if my urine is very dark come to hospital. In the meantime get a sickline from the gp and rest

So I contacted my gp told him what the midwife said said and he said relax i'll sort you a sick line take a few days off and come back and we will keep an eye on you. so my mum phoned my partner and told him. I was sick and low blood pressure and they want to keep an eye on me as a precaution because low bp can be a symptom caused by dehydration or if its prolonged can cause low birth weight apparently. theres also a danger of fainting which could potentially cause injury

Anyways after this I went home my mum promised to collect the sick line .

when i got it it said not fit to work 1 week. cause headache

yep...you read that correct...headache 1 week off work understatement of the year. no mention of hypotension backache , vomiting , diarrhea and general dizziness ... or emotional stress (seriously i am so overwhelmed drained and tired lately) just a plain old headache ...probally gonna get into for that when i return to work if i do hand that in but im not overly worried about that its my partner thats worrying me

. Now my partner is furious because he said he was worried there was something wrong with the baby and the thought i am going to loose it and it turns out all i have is a stupid headache. he doesnt believe my bp is low as generally my bp is very high and thinks since i have worked through worse in my first trimester i should beable to work through a few backaches and sickness his back aches all the time and thinks i am making the whole thing up for some time off . im just a lazy cow who cant be arsed to work . hes working trying to sort out the bills while im playing sick and making him think im really ill when im not. He refuses to even consider im telling the truth and he cant understand why i would even try to lie about being sick after what happened the first baby and says i look fine if i can make food and have lunch i can work . That my jobs already on the line 9 the boss was asking should she start looking a replacement for me even though i have only missed one day my entire pregnancy/and the entirety of my employment which was yesterday . etc which really is just stressing me out more. I know we need money. I know he has to catch up on my work alone as well as his but i dont want to risk my heath or the babys health doing heavy lifting and fainting or something really and if 3 health professionals are telling me take it easy drink lots of fluids and come in for checkups this week thats what im going to do.

I just don't know how to get it through to my partner after reading that doctors note he thinks i'm doing this to annoy him and wont even bring it into my boss. Im stressed and sick enough as it is without fighting him too. and he just wont believe me and has been really nasty the last few days about things . Normally he is very supportive and understanding and he does help me alot and once again im sitting here an emotional wreck . I know i am making a mountain out of a molehill really but i think my emotions are alot more down since being pregnant. anyways any guidance would be helpful. Thankyou for reading this x

I think it is probably best if you and your partner make a doctor's appointment together and both of you bring up your concerns with the dr. You could also buy him a book called "what to expect when you're expecting ".

Seems he is extremely concerned about money .

I will tell you that I had very low blood pressure while pregnant and needed three months off at the third trimester . My son was born healthy .

Why not let the gp refer you to an obstetrician for a proper workup rather than this or that symptom to call in sick. Keep looking for classes for pregnant women and child birth, check the local clinics and hospital for those classes and as the midwife or obstetrician.

You are running around here, there, everywhere to prove something to your partner getting sick notes for locking yourself out etc. when really, you need an intelligent cohesive plan to manage your pregnancy and symptoms properly. He's angry and frustrated about money not your health.

Wiseman brings up a good point. Are you getting workups? If money were an issue and my partner was getting doctors notes based on self-reported symptoms and low blood pressure, I'd lose my patience quickly.

Looking back at your previous few threads, the struggles with work, responsibilities, and commitments seems to be a trend he's grown tired of. I wouldn't look this as an isolated incident but rather that you're running out / have run out of lifelines.

There is much more to the overall story.jman Who I was 2 years ago is not whom I am now I can assure you ANY money issues are due to my partners spending and gambling habits as opposed to me being workshy. he spent 2k last month chasing losses. Since that post about my jobs 2 years ago about 2 months later I have been in fulltime stable employment which I enjoy immensely .We have all bills included in rent which is less that 10% of our combined earnings , get free food from work and live close enough we can walk so no travel expenses. No loan repayments or dept. And face It I dont drink or smoke because im pregnant but he does. Im not spending money on extravagant concerts or trips away or nights out since I cannot travel now and I wouldnt want to hang around with loud drunks bumping into my bump but he has been to london and a few other little get aways with his family. Also we are not forced out of our home after our contract is up we simply roll on to a monthly contract so we could move out whenever . it doesnt have to be this month

I live in UK . Healthcare is free. So its not costing anything for checkups. Infact I am offered and expected to attend full antenatal checkups scans bloods dopplers etc every 2-4 weeks of pregnancy free of charge. In fact If I miss work I still get sick pay to cover my time off if I have a sick note . When the baby is born I get maternity pay child allowance childcare help and early start grants and schemes , even a etc etc which works out to

we are privalged enough to be in a position where our friends and family are supportive and offered to cover the costs of most of the start up baby costs buy various pieces for the nursery and clothes so all we need is money for nappies and food and a highchair. So we dont really need to save though if we put away 1 pound a day until the baby is born each we would have enough to cover everything without any external help.

In the grand scheme of things my being off for a week will loose me about 60 pound. Not a life changing amount considering We have no bills.I needed a sick note regardless of my partners opinions for work to get sick pay so I'm not loosing my full pay And yes between the chemist and mw they both checked me over properly before suggesting time off as in bloods bp urine and suggested i took time off. So really I think hes hiding behind the money excuse because financially we have never been in a better position

when he says im sick of taking care of you he means small things. eg helping me home with shopping or doing dishes after I cook . he does not mean financially we are both independant in that regard

My priority is my babys health. Last time i ignored my body thinking it was trivial as i had a tender back and ended up with a dead child. I don't want to make that mistake again. Last pregnancy I thought I coould do everything. Powerhose a garden. Np paint a house top to bottom. Nb. Help landscape a garden. You got it . This time Everytime I go to the toilet i check for blood, everytime I cramp I panic (round ligament pain is normal and common in pregnancy) I am taking things much easier even at work which is very physical job

Monday I admit I probally could have went to work. However yesterday i genuinely was just physically and emotionally drained and wouldnt have went in regardless .It seems like a trivial thing low bp and headaches. But the doctors are concerned it can potentially lead to more serious complications considering mc preeclapsia heart problems run in my family (in fact I have had immediate family members die from heart problems at very young age and I myself have had to go for yearly heart scans etc ) and when I need to take it easy so I shouldnt be made to feel worse by my partner when I need a break. In the grand scheme of things he should be supportive and not making me feel bad. I would rather miss one week of work so the health team can keep an eye on me and know things are ok thanrisk working and later think if only I had done things differently. and I want my partner to support this choice simply because I support his choices .

I think he is more angry because I am sick and either A) hes doesnt think I am sick and I am jinxing things by pretending to be...or he knows im sick but doesnt want to hear it because it upsets him B) he has to do my job and his for a few days since there is no cover which is stressful. or C) there is something else hes not telling me stressing him maby hes panicing about fatherhood too and is this his life forever? and he is taking that frustration out on me ...midlife crisis? or d) all the above.

If that is the case then he should be an adult about it and talk with me not insult me give me the silent treatment and go to bed early to avoid looking at me . In the grand scheme of things its a week of work for checkups i didnt quit my job its so petty i probally wont even be worried about this in 60 years time. but it is something I need to address now before the child is born as I want my child to grown up in a loving and supportive enviroment . Not one where we challange each other on decisions all the time

Preclampsia is caused by HIGH blood pressure not low. So you are lucky there.

It sounds like he wants to be a baby and gamble and be a kid. My husband was a man baby when my son was born. Thankfully he grew up. I don't recommend having a kid with a manbaby. I would send him packing.